Make Yourself Uncomfortable

On April 16, 1984, my mom almost killed me.

A week earlier, my dad brought home a brand-new Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale Brougham. It was an amazing car for a lot of reasons. First of all, my dad was a lifelong Ford guy. Buying an Oldsmobile was unheard of. It was like using an Android all your life and then switching to an iPhone. It just felt different.

And it had amazing technology. That car had a button that, when you pushed it, would put the window down. There was no crank.

It had a digital clock!

It had a digital radio!

It had a cassette deck!

It took unleaded gasoline!

And this thing was comfortable. Cruising down the highway was like floating on a cloud.

And so, a few days after the car came home, my mom and I made a road trip to Hartford, Connecticut to visit my sister. It was the week before Easter, Holy Week, and I was in 8th grade. I was the only one in my family on Spring Break because I was still in Catholic School, so it was just me and mom.

My sister Kim had been recently married, and her husband Chris had just landed a job working for Aetna, the huge insurance company. From my recollection, there are only two things in Hartford, Connecticut: insurance companies, and the world’s only two-sided building.

After a few days of visiting, Mom and I headed home on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter.

Today, Google Maps will tell you the drive from Hartford, Connecticut to my childhood home in Tallmadge, Ohio is 8 hours and 33 minutes. In 1984, it was closer to 11 hours. The speed limit was 55, and the highways didn't have all the lanes they do today.

So, my mom had driven almost 10 ½ hours on that day before Easter. We were about 30 minutes from home. The sun had set midway through Pennsylvania. A light rain had been falling for nearly 50 miles by the time we approached Portage County. The heater was making things comfy, the ride was smooth, and I laid my head back and shut my eyes for a little rest.

A minute or two later, I opened my eyes and looked out the windshield to see our car slowly cross the white line onto the shoulder. Ahead of us was a bridge that crossed over a highway below. I saw a guardrail coming straight toward me.

Then I turned to look at my mom. She was dead asleep. I said, “Mom, you’re going off the road.”

And then, boom!

The next thing I knew, we were on top of the guardrail, and then we were to the right of it, sliding down a hill towards the highway under the bridge. We were both screaming for fear of our lives, until we slid to a stop, a few yards away from the highway where traffic was blistering by in either direction.

My mom said, “Your dad is going to kill me. I wrecked his new car.”

We got out of the car and immediately smelled gasoline, so we walked back up towards the highway we had just driven off. My mom was in shock, I think, and stood dangerously close to passing traffic, trying to wave down help. No cell phones in those days, kids. Semi-trucks were blowing past us.

Eventually, a trucker stopped, called for help, and within an hour or so my dad had come to pick us up in my mom’s car. He said the right thing, that he didn't care about the car. He was just glad we were safe.

The police said we were lucky for a few reasons. If the guardrail had not punctured the tires on the drivers’ side, or if it had not been raining, we likely would have rolled down that hill, and the punctured gas tank may have exploded. And if we missed the guardrail entirely, we undoubtedly would have driven straight into the middle of the highway below.

We got home late that night. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my mom came in, gave me a big hug, and said, “I’m sorry I almost killed you.”

Since then, I get anxious when I am the passenger in a car being driven at night. I find myself always looking at the driver’s eyes to make sure they are awake.

Of course, wisdom says that if you are drowsy behind the wheel, you should stop, park somewhere, take a nap, call for a ride…anything but keep driving.

What people often do, though, when they are driving drowsy is try to make themselves uncomfortable. They roll the windows down. They crank up the radio. They pinch themselves.

Making yourself uncomfortable is not great advice for sleepy drivers. But I would argue this: for a happy, fulfilling life, make yourself uncomfortable.

I’m not talking about putting the windows down or blaring your music. I’m talking about living your lives. Seek discomfort. Do things that make you a little nervous, things that you think might be a little too hard.

No great story ever starts with “I was sitting on the couch watching TV.” Create a story of your life that is incredible. If you get a chance to travel, do it. If you get a job offer that seems like a stretch for your ability, take it. If you care about somebody, tell them.

Wedding Crashers is one of my favorite movies. I am not telling you to crash weddings. But I am telling you not to be like Will Ferrell, living in his mom’s basement eating meatloaf.

Daniel Pink is one of my favorite writers. His latest book is called The Power of Regret. Mr. Pink surveyed more than 16,000 people across the world to find out what they regretted most in their lives. He found that nearly every response could be placed in one of four categories, and the top two categories are relevant here: Foundation Regrets were things like not taking education seriously, not saving enough money, not working hard; Boldness Regrets were things like not taking risks, not traveling, not accepting or applying for a job, not telling a person you cared for them.

In other words, the message is this: for a meaningful life, a life without regret, build your foundation and be bold. Apply for a college or program or job that may be a stretch. Maybe move to a new town. Maybe ask that person out for the date. Will you fail every once in a while? Of course, you will. We all do. But if you never fail, it means you never really learned how far you can stretch.

Now, as much as I encourage you to make yourself uncomfortable, I hope you do the opposite for others. Make others comfortable. Everyone here is fighting a battle you know nothing about. So be kind, be compassionate, be empathetic.

The golden rule says to treat others as you would like to be treated. I say follow the platinum rule: treat others as THEY would like to be treated.

Community service and helping others do not end in high school. It’s really simple: discover your gifts, and use them to make the world a better place. Making others comfortable means standing up for someone being bullied or harassed. Lending a hand to a friend in need. Sitting next to the kid eating lunch alone.

By the way, the two-sided building in downtown Hartford? It was shaped like a boat. An architect somewhere was pretty bold.

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It took me exactly one day to read this book from cover to cover. I sat on my patio for two hours without stopping. I've not done that in years, last time was a very well written fiction series, not a book on leadership. This book is sensational, and Dr. Clark's witty writing style combines with stories, wisdom, and anecdotes that are as relatable as they are applicable. If you have any sort of interaction with students in a school setting, the application of Dr. Clark's writings in this book will literally change the world for your students. It doesn't matter if you're the custodian, the bus driver, the reading tutor...if you work with students, pick this book up, then get to work living out its advice.

Fred Rogers, of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, had a knack for breaking the hard things in life down to a simple level and expressing those things to children in a non-intimidating way. Likewise, Dr. Joe Clark in this book has a knack for breaking down the hardest parts of leadership in education into simple terms, and he delivers his message in such a way that it feels like nothing more than friendly advice from a neighbor. This book will forever be in my recommendations to fellow school employees and educators. Thank you for the excellent read, Dr Clark!

     -Zach Bruce, verified Amazon purchaser

Great book! My best read of 2020. Easy to read and relate to. Highly recommend for those new to school administration and looking for practical wisdom. Dr. Clark’s humor and honesty combine to encourage you to “change the song.”

     -Katie, verified Amazon purchaser

Dr. Clark’s book is full of practical, humorous, and wise advice for school leaders. The honesty with which he writes is inspiring and reminds us how important it is to always put kids first.

      -Michelle Kravetz, verified Amazon purchaser

The raw vulnerability with impeccable humor and a whole lot of honesty is exactly what Joe has served up for you! If you've ever made a mistake or think you will, then this is a must-read. The lens in which he spins (pun intended) this book is insightfully hilarious!

     -LaVonna Roth, Speaker, Author & Chief Illuminator of Ignite Your S.H.I.N.E.®

It's been said that we never know the struggles that someone is going through, so we should treat them kindly always. In If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song, Joe Clark embraces his own vulnerability to share how he reclaimed his story after a traumatic childhood, and shares how he used his life experiences, and his experiences as a DJ and camp director, to guide his work as a school leader. This book is an often humorous, sometimes melancholy look into what teaching and school leadership is all about. It's a tremendous read that I know you'll enjoy.

     -Thomas C. Murray, Author of Personal & Authentic: Designing Learning Experiences that Impact a Lifetime

If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song is a look into the world of leadership, education, and how to treat students. Dr. Clark writes to inspire teachers, principals and superintendents to reflect on the mission of being educators while being reminded to enjoy their work. This quick read will help you reflect and smile as Dr. Clark shares meaning and humor in everyday moments.

     -Todd Whittaker, one of the nation’s leading authorities on staff motivation, teacher leadership, and principal effectiveness. Todd has written over 50 books including the national bestseller, What Great Teachers Do Differently. 

A refreshing read for leaders or educators of all levels both! This is the type of read that can rejuvenate a veteran or give new teachers tools to keep their morale and inspiration at its peak. The lessons you learn from this book can carry over throughout the year, even when you don't know if you can. 

     -Amber Teamann, principal of Whitt Elementary in Wylie ISD in Wylie, Texas. Amber has  received numerous awards, including Regional Assistant Principal of the Year and a “Principal of the Year” engagement award. She recently was recognized as the Dallas Down Syndrome Educator of the Year for her work with inclusivity on her campus.

“If the Dance Floor is Empty, Change the Song” by Joe Clark, is a cleverly-written book that will not only make you think about how we approach our jobs as educators, but it will make you chuckle out loud. Filled with personal stories, practical examples, on-point illustrations, and golden nuggets of wisdom, this book will be hard for readers to put down.

     -Jimmy Casas, Educator, Author, Speaker, Leadership Coach

If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song is a book that will leave you smiling and laughing at times. It will also validate your thinking about education at times. More importantly, it will challenge you to re-think why we serve as educators and what is most important when discussing education and the purpose of schools. This book is filled with scores of reflections on teaching, learning, and leading that are applicable to educators in all roles, especially school leaders.

     -Jeffrey Zoul, Ed.D., Author, Speaker, Leadership Coach, and President of ConnectEDD

As a newly appointed principal, I found this book witty, insightful, and inspiring. The real life stories and anecdotes that Dr. Clark provide, are relatable to teachers, school managers, and, honestly, anyone in a position of leadership. If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song should be required reading for both new and seasoned school administrators alike. It should be part of every principal and teacher’s motivational toolkit. 

     -David Thomas, Principal, St. Gabriel’s Special School, Bishopstown, Cork, Ireland

Great, another leadership book! That was my first thought when I was asked to read If the Dance Floor is Empty, Change the Song. Once I read the first few pages I was hooked, I truly wanted to dance. Finally, a leadership book with great advice and a vast amount of humor. Yes, school is serious business. But if you don’t laugh and enjoy the experiences then why even be a school leader. Dr. Joe Clark has created an informative quick read that gives you relatable and useful information. I truly did laugh out loud at graphics, pie charts and stories. If you can’t relate to this book, then you truly have never danced to a good song or sat back and enjoyed the experience of being a school leader.  

     -Jack Berckemeyer, nationally-recognized presenter, author, and humorist. Former Assistant Executive Director for the National Middle School Association. 

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