Hello Dear Human!
Do you enjoy celebrating little successes? We all are saying yes to the idea, but somehow there is almost always something more urgent to do, not to mention who cares about the little things when, in reality, only the Holy Grail counts! (and by Holy Grail I mean everything that is not today’s success aka yesterday’s news). So today let's talk about them.

Good News!

I started an Instagram account! You can follow me at Instagram: The Radical Act Of Self-Care.

There will be again a workshop in Poland: this time Katowice! March 6th, 4:30 pm to 7:30 pm and again we will explore the topic of burnout, activism and what to do about it. See more in Polish here: www.annakuliberda.com/warsztaty.

And yes, there is a plan of having something in English and global soon! Stay tuned!

First let me share my short story:

From the last newsletter you might remember, I was struggling a lot with passing the drivings licence exam. That was about the actual driving on the streets. But in Poland, the exam has, in fact, two parts - and the first one: the theory, was relatively easy. I learned for about 8 days almost all the time, but it was something that was familiar, learning for a test; been there, done that. And then, I remember, when I passed it, it felt good. I felt like partying with somebody. That never happened, there was nobody to party with at that moment. So it wasn’t really celebrated, and it went to the next, more difficult phase of operating the real vechicle.

What is my learning here? I should have stopped and figure out a way to feel good about achieving something I worked hard for! It would make it easier to remember that this is a process and phase one is over and I was proud of myself (oh dear, when I write it here, it sounds like I’m a heretic!)

But let’s look at it from the human brain perspective!

Rule #1: Celebrate, exactly because everything tells you it's not worth it and collect good thoughts about yourself for the bad times that might come.

If to overcome one bad message about ourselves, we need five positive ones, then the one about success is exactly something we need to have. (btw see the gift below taking advantage of this maths!) Our surrounding (the culture) will not make it easier for us to be proud of achievements, because often what we feel and think is that we are never good enough and only the next best thing will prove to myself and everybody else that I’m worth any celebration or reward. We are being thought modesty of not demanding praise even for a great performance.

That is why collecting positive enforcement can become part of the “radical act of self-care” philosophy, standing up against the invisible enemy of “shoulds and musts”*. It’s also a learning moment preparing us for celebrating really big things because with celebration, it’s like with everything else, it takes practice to make it a habit and to get it right as we need and really joyful without the gilt of being proud of ourselves.

Also, have you heard about the "Negativity bias"? Basically our brains are wired for being negative, but now it's not that useful any more and often we forgot how not to be negative.  Overcoming this urge, practising gratitude and having more creative brain was one on the fundaments of my "Alternative Social Media Detox" action. Read more about the negativity bias and the action here.

*"shoulds and musts" - all the messaging and limiting believes that we have in our heads of who and what we should(n't) be and what we must(n't) do, most often not having much in common with the reality.

Recognizing successes helps in staying strong!

Rule #2: Motivation drops when the goal is too distant. Divide your goals into smaller chunks and make sure you notice every stage as proof of your progress.

Many people ask about how to keep being motivated. How to keep believing in the larger success and in getting closer to the big vision. This is important especially for those with goals so distant, it’s more of believing, than seeing it on the horizon. And it’s hard to keep the brain convinced it’s worth all the efforts, so the motivation can drop easier.

That is why every good planning method is based on phases. We need to see at least some kind of bank, to keep working towards getting there. And now the key issue - when you get to the bank of the new phase, don’t just go forward, give yourself a moment of noticing what you have achieved, what you have learned and what it means to you. And recharge. Recharge just like you feel it’s appropriate at that moment. With people, without them, loud or in silence.

What kind of reward works best for being motivated? The best is something that lets us use the outcomes of our success. For instance, when learning a new language it can be cooking something from that country, or planning a trip there. When the success is more from the work area, look closely what have you learned and what can you use next time when doing something similar, when celebrating, invite colleagues you worked with and enjoy the moment together. My reward for the drivings licence was getting the proper corrective sunglasses - something useful, but also pretty, that I will use when cruising the highways of Europe ;)

Today's gift is all about collecting your small wins: The Bingo of Little Successes!

Even if you feel like you had no wins recently, here are some ideas where to find them.

This is a game for one or for more, you can play with your family and friends, and be proud together of your successes.

The rules of the game: print it, and every day check the progress by crossing the fields. When you get the 5 in line, yell "bingo!", pat yourself on the back and plan something to celebrate! If some wins repeat more than once, then make your BINGO celebration even more pleasurable.

And yes, the middle square is there on purpose, and yes, you get it by default just by being a human:)

My name is Anna Kuliberda and as a coach, I work with individuals as well as with organizations on finding the right ways to make activism sustainable in three dimensions: personal choices; supporting communities in building anti-burnout culture of balancing passion with reasonable resources management; and with more formal non-profit organizations and other institutions on introducing anti-burnout strategies and human-friendly, and management efficient environment.

Contact me at: anna.kuliberda@gmail.com

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