Hello!
This December is my 4-year craniversary & I can vividly recall this exact time of year (October) four years ago being the scariest three months of my life. I had my surgery on the calendar 12/12/19 and I instantly felt REAL anxiety for the first time. The kind of anxiety that made my heart race, and my hands shake, made my breathing shallow, stole my ability to concentrate and focus, and led to sleepless nights. When I did fall asleep I would have nightmares about bleeding out on the surgical table, or a big earthquake happening that would make my surgeon screw up (I live in California so this is a legit fear!).
I can't tell you how many times I cried in the shower alone, how often I prayed in bed trying to convince myself I'd be OK, and how many times I rehearsed my story to tell those I loved that I was confident and ready to do this so they didn't worry about me or look at me differently. In the eyes of all, I was strong and fearless, and with my will to survive I was ready to fight; however, trapped in my mind I was a total mess.
I share this not to scare anyone because it really is much better to be on the healing side of this diagnosis. I share this story to remind you that if you are scared, in pain, sad, mad, angry, confused, or not fully aware of what's to come YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I went into this surgery with not a single symptom or deficit. This was an incidental finding six years prior that changed my life forever and technically saved my life in the eyes of medical professionals.
I invite you to connect with me, you will be glad you did! I tell people in my zoom groups all the time, I never wanted to be a warrior, yes I am going to fight and not give up on this journey but it is EXHAUSTING. I can and I will do what is needed but what I want is a hug, a safe place to fall, and companionship from people who get it because I'm exhausted trying to explain this journey to people who look at me like I'm complaining or I should move on.
For all these reasons Meningioma and Brain Tumor Companion exists and I am here to support you in any way I can. I realized a year post craniotomy that I could let the diagnosis get the best of me or I could make the best of my diagnosis. So here I am, constantly moving this community forward, helping others in any way possible.
Lastly, I'd like to give a huge shout-out to Dr. Daniel Kelly at St. Johns Hospital in Santa Monica, CA. He is a stellar neurosurgeon, his team is tops, and look at that beautiful cut and shave. He is known for the keyhole entry, and I am forever grateful for his skillset! #StrongerTogether #braintumor #braintumorsurvivor #braintumorawareness #support #supportgroup #meningioma #anxiety #fear #notalone
