Even our memorial day wishes, or personal memories of family members lost, while seemingly heartfelt, have been complicated by the nature of sacrifices made for certain (or uncertain) wars, or the outright disrespect from so-called patriots directed at those whose noble sacrifices enable us to live on in a democracy.
Is uncertainty the new certainty?
In a capitalistic democracy, some say all we have is our money and our vote, but I believe there's something else. Wherever you fall on the spectrum of privilege, I want you to also protect your energy. Or innergy, as I've coined it.
When we are presented with new information or opposing views, even those based in ignorance, we must decide for ourselves what energy we will take or leave - because what we absorb, we will pass on. Perhaps we don't see ourselves as violent in the killing way, but there are many versions of violence that leave lasting scars.
There are angry souls that are tapping into our most vulnerable inner child, and when they do, rage and despair can inform our actions. If we're not careful, we become the troll or the bully.
When decent people witness violent, bullying energy, we focus on protecting the victims on the receiving end of hate and marginalization. We also forget that perpetrators are also recipients of the same energy. Much of it stems from societal norms and experiences from our homesteads that have been passed down for generations - internalized trauma.
Vulnerable people fall prey to harmful rhetoric or ingrained hate that "empowers" them to harm others they have uniwttingly internalized as less than human. History has taught us that other-ism can eventually evolve into acts of genocide. The rise of femicide is not a stretch - it's happening now. Women and children are often sacrificed first, physically and emotionally, in the battles of societies engulfed in rage.
If you didn't study rhetoric in school, now's a good time. When misused, it is a manipulation of language that can render important and true things inconsequential, and inconsequential things as fundamental truths.
I took it upon myself to limit my intake of falsehoods and study a broader history that is more inclusive of all of our failures, victories, and contributors to our democracy. I had never really participated in AAPI heritage month in a meaningful way before this year. Looking beyond my own suffering and resentment, I felt more connected to my AAPI friends and colleagues than ever before. This past year, we all learned that allyship is required even when you're not being harmed directly. Violence is not random. It takes up residence in our DNA, all versions of it.
I love the tribute months. I love any excuse to celebrate. Pride Month feels more essential than ever. It's a perfect time to be reminded of our common humanity. We all want to move about this world safely, without rage from others' misplaced righteousness or fear. Those who believe silence is a protectant against the orchestrated expulsion of trans-people through legislating away their human rights are also unsafe. The contagion of violence spreads much like a virus.