Teen Dating Violence is more common than you would think. In fact, research shows that 1 in 5 high school students will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they are in a relationship with. In addition, close to 43% of US college woman report experiencing violent or abusive dating behaviors while in school.
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Protection Month, which makes it a good time to visit the topic with your teen. In fact, everyone is encouraged to wear orange on Tuesday, February 6th to raise public awareness nationwide.
Tackling this topic with your teens can seem daunting. We know that teens are driven by a desire to fit in and follow their peers. Let’s face it, establishing and communicating boundaries takes a lot of courage. Many adults continue to struggle with this. It is important to remember that teens between the ages for 13 and 18 establish habits that will greatly shape how they navigate their relationships as adults. That is why it is important to talk with your teens, to take an active interest in their relationships, and to encourage and empower them to speak openly with their partners about respect, consent, and boundaries. So, where do you begin?
The first step is to help your teen define what a healthy relationship looks like. (See Monthly Teen Tool). Healthy relationships include respect, trust, honesty, effort, communication, and compromise. Partners feel safe and free to share their feelings and to make decisions without fear of any negative reactions from the other. Share that relationships are complicated and share your own experiences and wisdom and learning.
You also want to be on the lookout for signs that your teen might be involved in a unhealthy relationship. The following could be cause for concern:
· Unusual moodiness
· Isolating from family and friends
· Constant communication via text or social media- and an anxious need to respond
· Obsessive jealousy or gift giving (love bombing)
· Controlling how someone dresses
· Tracking or stalking via GPS
· Pressure to do things that your teen does not feel comfortable with
· Grabbing and physically blocking someone from moving or other physical threats
· Verbal threats, name calling, ridicule or humiliation
If you do observe any of these signs, consider addressing them in a very objective and gentle way. A helpful sentence starter for these conversations is “I noticed that…..” For example, you might say, “I noticed that you haven’t been spending time with your girlfriends lately, is everything all right?”
Talking about what a healthy relationship looks like and maintaining open communication with your teen are your first line of defense, because research shows that only 33% of teens who are in abusive relationships will choose to confide in someone, because they do not want to expose themselves. (Click on the link below to learn more about talking with your teen about Teen Dating Violence.)
Need more support? Reach out to learn more about how life coaching can arm your teen or young adult with the confidence and skills to communicate her needs and boundaries in her relationships. ginnymoylan@findingyourfirefly.com
