My experience of working with survivors of domestic violence is predominantly the healing and recovery after the event, although in some client cases, it can be that the individual is struggling with a relationship emotionally and mentally and doesn't realise they are living beneath the restrictions on domestic abuse. In life it is of utmost importance that we have the ability to live and can exist on a physical, emotional and mental level, as independently as possible, otherwise it can lead us to having relationships that are not healthy ones, like codependency and relationships that encourage a “rescuer” or “enabler” scenario whereby one of or both parties are fulfilling an inner need that is damaging and controlling, rather than productive and ultimately leads either one or both individuals involved down a path of unnecessary, limiting repetitive behaviours.
The subconscious mind is acting out a loop of action that triggers the pattern that results in the behaviour. This can be a reason many survivors go back to their abusers or abusers repeatedly attract victims and vice versa. Because this is on a subconscious level, there can be no awareness of this recurring situation or lack thereof.
My background is in psychotherapy, helping individuals untie and identify the root cause and reasoning behind life's challenges and I work closely with hypnosis, and other neuro-linguistic techniques to teach people not only how to gain back control and empower themselves through this level of healing, but also to be able to move forward with these tools to carry on with hope and assurance, with the ability to confidently deal and tackle all of life's obstacles.
My priority is always safety first! It is so important that, no matter what the trauma or problem is, there is a plan of safety and keeping yourself safe. I help my clients that are deemed to be at risk by developing a safety plan to protect them and any children from abuse or further abuse. I act as an advocate for change and do my best to provide individuals with access to legal aid, housing support and other healthcare professionals that can help them. I address the complex emotions they are facing such as shame, guilt and fear and I work to help them develop coping strategies to deal with these confidently and effectively for the rest of their lives.
Another really important part of therapy is learning how to rebuild relationships for those struggling with trust and making the changes they need to, to be able to create healthy and positive relationships moving forward, breaking the cycle and having clarity of thought and a feeling of freedom by removing all unnecessary, damaging , negative limiting beliefs.
The partners and ex-partners of those who attend domestic violence prevention work may be of any gender or sexual orientation. Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of their age, ethnicity, religion, or social status. It is important that partners and ex-partners of those who attend domestic violence prevention work are provided with appropriate support and resources to help them and any children they might have, to be able to stay safe and move forward with their lives, but also to understand the social, financial, emotional and psychological impact this can have on all involved. It is a life changing experience and one that in some cases can need extensive after care.
Healing, educating and nurturing those parts that have taken the toll of domestic abuse and violence is something I feel really strongly about as a therapist. I teach my clients self-care and also how they can rebuild, support and educate their partners and children moving forward without the fear or any reprisal or recurrence of abuse.
Awareness is the key, especially in the next generation. Children that have witnessed domestic abuse at any level can be affected long term from this. They can become withdrawn, isolated, dissociated, it can greatly impact their development and mental health. Having someone to reach out to and also help them to feel safe and calm can make a huge difference! I love educating children and young people about the power of their subconscious mind to help them heal and discover this huge inner resource of support and powerful healing techniques!
What is domestic abuse and violence and what trauma is associated with it as a result?
One of my greatest concerns about domestic abuse and violence is it sometimes goes unnoticed until it escalates to high risk levels. It could be happening to you and you don't even realise it! So let's check this out. Here is a list of examples of what's not ok for other people to be doing to you or ways to treat you inside of relationships, no matter who you are or what relationship you have. Anyone and any relationship can result in abuse and my aim is to raise awareness so you know when and how to protect yourself and where you stand legally and on a personal level. Your safety is top priority, everyone has the basic human right to feel safe and protected, especially children.
Domestic abuse and violence is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to control and intimidate another person. This person can be anyone in a close relationship with you, family members, housemates, caregivers, partners or spouses, parents, even friends and strangers, people who you don't even know! They should not be treating you in any form of the following means:
Physically abusing you - hitting, punching, kicking, choking or using objects or weapons to hurt or harm you.
Sexually abusing you - any non-consensual sexual activity including rape, sexual assault or coercions.
Emotionally abusing you - any behaviour that makes you feel manipulated, controlled or humiliated.
Financially abusing you - any behaviour that leads to controlling your money or resources, restricting your access to your bank account or withholding financial support.
Spiritually abusing you - any behaviour that makes you feel controlled using belief systems or religion, such as preventing you from practising your faith or forcing you to adhere to a particular religion or belief.
Stalking or harassing you - any behaviour that makes you feel intimidated , frightened or threatened and can include making threats, unwanted phone calls or messages of any kind.
Coercive control - any behaviour seeking to control you in any aspect of your life, your thoughts, feelings and actions. This covers a wide aspect of life situations, anyone making you feel isolated from family and friends, controlled in any way or someone monitoring everything you do and using it against you to gain control.
Emotional abuse can have a range of negative consequences on an individual's mental and emotional well-being, including low self-esteem, loss of confidence, shame, embarrassment, isolation from family, friends, and community, and long-term social difficulties.
Children who witness or are victims of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse are at higher risk for health problems as adults, including mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, as well as physical health problems such as diabetes, obesity, and heart disease. It is a form of maltreatment that can deplete an individual's psychological resolve and resilience.
Psychological violence includes acts or behaviours that harm a person's mental or emotional well-being, such as gaslighting or psychological manipulation.
Cultural violence refers to acts or behaviours that harm a person's cultural identity or heritage.
Verbal abuse is the use of language to hurt or demean another person.
Bullying can have severe psychological effects on children, including aggression, withdrawal, low self-esteem, truancy, substance abuse, self-harm, and eating disorders. These symptoms are common in individuals who have experienced trauma, such as physical or emotional abuse, and can lead to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Individual factors such as personality traits, past experiences with violence, substance abuse, and mental health issues can increase the risk of perpetrating Intimate Partner Violence. Relational factors like relationship dynamics, communication patterns, and conflict resolution skills can also contribute.
Community factors such as poverty, social norms, and availability of resources can also play a role.
Finally, societal factors like gender norms, cultural beliefs, and laws and policies can also contribute to the risk of IPV.
Addressing these factors at multiple levels is crucial for effective IPV prevention. Maltreatment can have serious and long-lasting effects on a person's mental and emotional well-being. These consequences can impact many areas of a person's life and make it difficult for them to lead a healthy and fulfilling life.
Coercion and control presents itself in many forms, please know and understand that domestic abuse can occur in all areas of your life, in your home, in your workplace and job, in your community. It can happen to anyone regardless of your age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or social status. And please remember it is NEVER the victim's fault!!! There is so much help and support available and if you are concerned or experiencing any of these issues in any area of your life please reach out to myself or other professionals providing support and advice.
Domestic abuse and violence can have a significant and long-lasting impact on survivors in many different ways. Not just physically and mentally, resulting in recovery from injuries and conditions such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, also emotionally experiencing feelings such as shame, guilt and low self-esteem, poor future relationships due to issues with trust, isolation and disconnection from friends, family and society. It can impact working life and education because of having to move, recovery from injuries, court appearances and other related issues, such as problems concentrating or performing daily tasks. It brings financial instability, wrestling in financial hardships, losing a job, difficulty finding employment, or as a result of financial abuse and being left stranded with no access to money, leading to homelessness. There can be a profound impact on parenting ability with some survivors experiencing severe guilt and shame leading them to struggle to provide a safe and nurturing environment for their children and custodial and visitation disruptions relating to the abuse and social stigma. There is support and resources for healing from this.
Survivors of domestic abuse and violence, have several options for housing and financial assistance. They are entitled to view a property before deciding whether to accept or refuse it, and before signing a tenancy agreement. If they do not think the accommodation is suitable, it is still advisable to accept the offer and request a review. The local authority also has a duty to take reasonable steps to protect the personal belongings if they are in danger of being lost or damaged. Victims may be able to be transferred to another local authority if you are at risk of domestic violence, and may be eligible for housing benefit for renting another property. If they were living in rented accommodation with their abuser and are unlikely to return, it may be possible for their landlord to make an application to the county court to evict the abuser. Other options include seeking assistance from a refuge, applying to go on the local authority's housing register, approaching local citizens' advice bureau, legal advisor, or domestic violence support service. The law relating to domestic violence, housing rights, and homelessness is complex.
Survivors UK: Survivors UK is a charity that provides support for male survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse. They offer a range of services, including a helpline, counselling, and group support.
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021, which came into force in April 2021, strengthens the law on domestic abuse in England and Wales. It provides a legal definition of domestic abuse, creates new offences for non-fatal strangulation and controlling or coercive behaviour, and establishes a Domestic Abuse Commissioner to oversee the response to domestic abuse.
Family law in the UK provides various legal remedies for victims of domestic violence, including non-molestation and occupation orders. Non-molestation orders prohibit an abuser from using or threatening violence or harassment, while occupation orders regulate who can live in a shared home.
Domestic violence is a criminal offence in the UK, and perpetrators can be prosecuted and face imprisonment. Victims of domestic violence can also access special measures in criminal proceedings, such as giving evidence from behind a screen or via video link.
Housing Issues:
Domestic violence is one of the leading causes of homelessness in the UK. Victims of domestic violence can access emergency accommodation through their local authority, or through domestic abuse support services.
Victims of domestic violence may have housing rights under UK law, including the right to stay in their home or to be rehoused by their local authority. Housing rights can be complex, and it is recommended that victims seek advice from housing support services or legal professionals.
Welfare Issues:
Victims of domestic violence may be eligible for welfare benefits, including Universal Credit, Housing Benefit, and Council Tax Reduction. They may also be eligible for additional support, such as the Discretionary Housing Payment or the Hardship Fund.
Victims of domestic violence are protected from discrimination in the workplace under UK law. They may also be entitled to time off work for domestic violence-related reasons.
The Homelessness Reduction Act 2017 requires local authorities in the UK to provide accommodation and support for people who are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless. This includes victims of domestic violence. Victims can apply for emergency housing and can also request for their abuser to be removed from the family home.
The Welfare Reform and Work Act 2016 introduced a new offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship.
The Domestic Abuse Bill 2020-2021 is a key piece of legislation aimed at improving support and protection for victims of domestic violence. The bill includes new measures such as the creation of a statutory definition of domestic abuse, the establishment of a Domestic Abuse Commissioner, and the provision of new powers to police and courts to tackle perpetrators.
Other policies and initiatives aimed at addressing domestic violence in the UK include the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (also known as Clare's Law), and the Multi-Agency Risk Assessment Conference (MARAC) which brings together different agencies to share information and develop safety plans for victims.
Organisations like Equation, provide support and information to help raise awareness and help prevent domestic abuse and violence. They organise and arrange domestic violence prevention work, such as helplines, one to one sessions and group work for survivors.
They deliver educational programs in schools to raise awareness of healthy relationships and how to prevent the escalation of domestic violence.
They also offer training and support in community groups and for professionals working in sectors such as education and health and social care, to be able to better organise and respond to domestic abuse by promoting prevention.
They advocate for policy changes to improve the support for survivors and aim at prevention from it happening in the first place.
They are working towards creating a society where domestic abuse is not tolerated and where everyone can live free from fear and abuse.
Equation are supported by other proactive services in the UK to include outreach and safety-oriented support work. Some of these services are:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline - A free, 24-hour helpline for anyone experiencing domestic abuse, which provides advice and support to help people access safety.
Women's Aid - A national charity that works to end domestic abuse against women and children. Women's Aid provides a range of services, including a helpline, support groups, and outreach services.
Refuge - A national charity that provides support to women and children who have experienced domestic abuse. Refuge offers a range of services, including safe accommodation, community-based support, and outreach services.
Respect - A UK-wide charity that works to end domestic abuse by supporting frontline workers, promoting best practice, and campaigning for policy change. Respect provides a helpline, training and consultancy services, and an accreditation scheme for domestic abuse services.
SafeLives - A UK-wide charity that works to prevent domestic abuse by providing training, consultancy, and accreditation to professionals working in the domestic abuse sector. SafeLives also runs the Dash risk assessment tool, which helps professionals to assess the risk of domestic abuse and take appropriate action.
Hestia - A charity that provides support to adults and children who have experienced domestic abuse. Hestia offers a range of services, including safe accommodation, outreach support, and a domestic abuse prevention program for young people.
Southall Black Sisters - A charity that provides specialist support to black and minority ethnic women who have experienced domestic abuse. Southall Black Sisters offers a range of services, including a helpline, advocacy, and outreach services.
We all experience and go through the ups and downs in life and the only way to truly evolve is within society and communities the best therapists have the real life first hand knowledge and background to be able to fully empathise and know what it is like to suffer on some level and recover and heal form it, learning and sharing and growing together and helping those when they are down ad need to hear some good advice from a professional.
If you are worried that you or anyone you know might be suffering from domestic abuse or violence, please reach out. These organisations and agencies are trained professionals and your contact is always confidential. These agencies can get you a safety plan set up and give you all the security and information you need to keep yourself and those you love safe if you are at risk.
If you are in immediate danger please call 999.
If you are reporting domestic abuse in the UK, it is important to have a safety plan in place to protect yourself and others involved. Here are some steps you can take to create a safety plan:
Identify a safe place to go: If you are in immediate danger, try to leave the situation and go to a safe place. This could be a friend or family member's home, a shelter, or a hotel. If you don't have somewhere to go, you can contact a domestic abuse helpline for advice.
Plan your escape route: Identify the quickest and safest way to leave your home if you need to. This could involve keeping your keys and phone close to hand, and knowing which doors and windows can be easily accessed.
Alert others: Let someone you trust know what is happening, and ask them to call the police if they hear anything suspicious.
Collect important documents: Gather important documents such as passports, birth certificates, and financial records, and keep them in a safe place.
Contact the police: If you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If you need to report the abuse, but it is not an emergency, you can call the non-emergency number 101.
Seek support: Reach out to a domestic abuse helpline or support group for advice and emotional support.
Keep a record: Keep a record of any incidents of domestic abuse, including dates, times, and what happened. This can be used as evidence if you decide to take legal action.
Remember that you do not have to go through this alone. There are people and organizations that can provide you with support, advice, and protection.
All of the mentioned organisations help to navigate victims options.
Male survivors of domestic abuse:
ManKind Initiative https://www.mankind.org.uk/contact-us/ 01823 33424
Men's Advice Line https://mensadviceline.org.uk/contact-us/0808 801 0327
Survivors UK https://www.survivorsuk.org/ 020 3598 3898
Same sex domestic abuse - Gallop https://galop.org.uk/get-help/helplines/ 0800 999 5428
Broken Rainbow 0300 999 5428 Help@brokenrainbow.org.uk
LGBTQ Foundation - http://lgbt.foundation/contactus 0345 3 30 30 30
Cultural family domestic abuse:
Karma Nirvana 0800 5999 247.
Southall Black Sisters 0208 571 9595.
Ashiana Network 020 8539 0427.
Iranian and Kurdish Women's Rights Organization (IKWRO) 020 7920 6460.
Vulnerable adults abuse:
Action on Elder Abuse 080 8808 8141.
The Silver Line 0800 4 70 80 90.
Surviving Economic Abuse 0808 802 5565.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
Galop (for LGBT+ victims and survivors): 0800 999 5428 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm, and Wednesday and Thursday, 6pm to 8pm)
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am to 4pm, except on bank holidays)
Respect Phoneline (for domestic violence perpetrators): 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm)
Women's Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ find your local contact number here.
Refuge: 0808 2000 247 https://refuge.org.uk/about-refuge/contact-information/
SafeLives: https://safelives.org.uk/about-us/contact-us
Nia:020 7683 1270 · info@niaendingviolence.org.uk.
The Survivors Trust: https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/ 01788 550554 info@thesurvivorstrust.org
NAPAC: https://napac.org.uk/ 0808 801 0331
