COMPANIONING AT WORK:
She sat in the corner of the conference room. Quiet. Not making eye contact. Taking up very little space. Her colleagues all thought she was just an introvert. She did her work. That’s all that mattered.
Or was it?
You see, if anyone had taken the time to truly see her, Anita was an exhausted single mom, newly out of an abusive relationship. She had a lot to say but was afraid. She didn’t feel safe giving her opinion about anything. When her colleagues thoughtlessly threw out criticism or corrections, it further reinforced the message she had been getting for years. I am worthless. I cannot do anything right. Stay Small. Be invisible.
One might think that this background is none of our business – and maybe that is true. However, there is another way to approach this. Using the HEART method.
H: Hold Space
“Hey, Anita. I see that you are pretty quiet in our meetings. I would certainly love to hear your input, as you are such a valuable asset to the team. Is there anything making it more difficult to speak up on the team?”
Follow this with silence. If she chooses to speak, be honored and listen to understand. If she does not, realize that there will need to be trust built in order for her to open up. Keep trying to connect on a personal level. If she does open up, listen without responding with a fix. Instead allow her to empty her cup.
E: Empty Cup/Yuck
We use the metaphor of everyone holding their "life" cup when they show up for work. Well before they arrive through the office doors or log into Zoom for their first meeting of the day, their cup is already filled with experiences that have influenced their thoughts, feelings and actions. If you want employees who can contribute with energy, creativity and productivity, then helping your employees empty their cup of "yuck" can help them mindfully transition into their workday.
“I sounds like you feel…”
“What is the hardest part of speaking up?”
“That must be really frightening for you?”
Whatever she says, validate that is HER REALITY. Allow her to be heard. When it feels like the cup is completely empty, start to refill her cup by asking her questions that allow her to take action.
A: Accountability
“What would give you the courage to speak up?”
“How can I support you in feeling more comfortable in the group?”
“What would it feel like if you decided to share your ideas?”
Anita has now been empowered with her own reflection instead of being told what to do. She has become the hero in her own story. The next step is to integrate and bring closure to her action decisions.
R – Review Decisions
“So, it sounds like what would be most helpful is if I specifically called on you to speak next time? Is that right?”
Finally, it can feel very vulnerable to have these important discussions. Take the time to leave Anita better than you found her. Build trust.
T: Thanking and Trust-Building
“Thank you for having the courage to share that with me, Anita. You are such an important part of the team, and your voice matters.”
In five short steps you have helped Anita find her voice, feel seen, be courageous, feel heard and feel valued. This connection will be a meaningful way to make her feel a sense of belonging and trust with you and the company, which carries over to retention, engagement and ultimately company performance. Plus – being a good human doesn’t just apply to outside of work.
Want a little help doing this with your team? That’s what we do best! Contact us at thedheffect@gmail.com to schedule a discovery call for your company!