Changing friendships is a normal part of the adolescent experience, but it can be tricky and emotional for teens, tweens, young adults, and even parents. Many times, our daughter’s friends become extensions of our families. They are frequently at our dinner tables or even a part of our vacations. Grief over shifting friendships can be painful for all.
So, why do friendships shift during the tween, teen and young adult years?
· Interests and priorities change
· Physical separations- moving, attending different schools, schedule changes
· Drama, bullying, betrayal and the pressures of social media
· Relationship dynamics shift as teens discover their unique identities and roles shift; a relationship that previously seemed balanced and healthy becomes unhealthy.
How can you help your daughter navigate these shifts?
· Have a discussion with your daughter about what is important to her. What are her values and “must haves” in a friendship? Remind her that a healthy relationship has reciprocity. Is she willing to bring her “must haves” to the friendship as well? Review the different types of friends - best friends, good friends, hello-goodbye friends, new friends and yes, even frenemies.
· Listen without judgment and give your daughter the space to process and grieve a relationship that has changed. It is important for her to know that friendships grow and then sometimes wither naturally. It is good to discuss why the friendship might be changing. Have their interests and priorities changed? Has the relationship become imbalanced or drama filled?
· Help your daughter identify toxic behavior. (See this month's Teen Tool below)
· Encourage assertiveness and discuss setting healthy boundaries.
Does this list of suggestions seem daunting? Most of the tweens and teens I work with have learned tools and strategies for rising above the drama and stress of unhealthy friendships. They have learned how to honor themselves, how to communicate more effectively, and how to set boundaries in their friendships and relationships in general. They have a better understanding of their friendship “must haves” and are more at ease with the natural friendship shifts that occur during middle school and high school. Reach out to learn more about how life coaching can help your daughter navigate shifting friendships. ginnymoylan@findingyourfirefly.com
