Author's Note:
Last week, my husband brought something very important to my attention. Being the loving man that he is, he broke it to me gently - first thing in the morning as I was waking up (my least favorite time of the day) - with a quiet, calm voice as the sun was piercing through our blinds. Not totally ideal timing, but I appreciated his soft approach. He goes, "Babe, I love you and please know that I am telling you this to help you, but in your last newsletter, I feel like you were complaining. Our life is good."
My first few seconds of thought were of complete annoyance. But then, I realized he was totally right. I had allowed myself to vent a little too much (normally, my greatest downfall). Some of you are probably reading this, thinking, She is suffering a great loss, she is totally justified in complaining and feeling terrible. While I agree, it's still a little more complicated than that.
First, let's not forget about one of my recent posts "Signs of Ungratefulness." I was doing exactly what I wrote NOT to do. I know I am not perfect, but I wasn't even attempting wisdom. In Proverbs 29:11 it says, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Grief is grief, and it shouldn't be an experience that has any hard boundaries, but it's also too easy to get wrapped up in certain feelings that can spread like a wildfire if not properly looked over. There has to be some limitations in that department of mourning.
Second, in my grieving I am still called to be a godly example. To be honest, any marriage or financial problems (which isn't that much compared to some people) have totally been taken care of or mended in one way or another by the Lord. I am learning to have a microscopic focus on life. To look at the little things. To pay attention to them. To love and cherish them. Instead of looking at life's problem from a hyperbolic perspective, I need to choose to see the moments of laughter, connection, love, discovery, intimacy, achievements, and the like. And most importantly, the fact that all of those things that make life worth living are from God (James 1:17 NKJV)!
Lastly, there is such a thing as speaking life or death over a situation; not like a self-fulfilling prophecy, but more like self-sabotaging and, quite honestly, prideful. Who am I to complain about what I don't have when what I do have is from God and more than enough? He knows what's best (Isaiah 55:8 NKJV). If I'm constantly focusing on the negative then all I'm going to get is the negative because that's the only POV I'm allowing myself to have.
SO with all of that said, I'll try not to complain on here. I'll continue to be honest and encouraging, but not ungrateful. Appreciation, gratitude, and thankfulness are attributes that I will do my best to display on here and in every day life because this life is not earned or deserved, it was given because Jesus died, and that alone is reason enough to have a thankful heart.