How are you? How’s work? What’s new? I hear the same questions and I rattle off the same answers. Im well! How’re you? Works fine. How’s work for you? And nothing crazy. Just the same bullshit and the usual chaos. Then to which I impulsively insert an awkward laugh before asking “what’s new with you?!” I know the script and I frequently decide to play along in the same sandbox of conversation hoping that we talk about something new or different. I try the same thing with the same responses over and over again expecting a different outcome. That’s actually insane. I mean that’s the literal the definition of insanity.
Why do we frequently show up the same ways over and over again? Don’t get me wrong, there is always a time and place for the usual small talk but, the more I sit in it, the less connected I feel. Week after week, I find myself sharing the same stories and anecdotes when I am really craving sharing my life, my whole life with others. In order to share my life and connect with friends and loved ones, I need to share the highs, lows, and the mediocracy. Whether that be that new funky thought, that fun fact I just learned, the recent rabbit hole I threw myself into, or how I am actually doing. In that, I will be able to connect better with others because I am not sitting around hoping they crack the puzzle of who I am. Because in the end, all I want is to feel seen and understood. So, I have to help others understand me so I can feel understood.
All of this sounds simple yet, it has been one challenge that I continually find myself facing. I hit the point where I feel such loneliness. I spiral and tell myself the false narrative that most people aren’t having the same deep thoughts or experiences because I don’t hear others talking about it. I am positive others are talking about it but, I’m just not always in that room or behind that door. It’s true, the hard things are hard to talk about so, naturally I don’t thinking I am protecting myself. In reality, I only find myself more isolated by not sharing.
I don’t want to feel insane anymore. I want to go out and find fun new ways to converse and play in the sandbox of conversation. I know that not everyone will be down to play in my sandbox and that’s okay. When I show up as myself, I will be able find those who are down to play. So on that, what’s new with you?
