IF YOU DON'T CHECK YOUR MIRRORS, YOU'RE GOING TO CRASH...

by Alain Dumonceaux

 We are all familiar with the idea of blind spots when we are driving. It’s an area that is not easily seen. It may be the area the mirrors miss, either beside or behind the driver...or is simply forgotten by the driver.  Now that’s a problem.

Anatomically, our blind spot is the region of the retina where the optic nerve and blood vessels pass through to connect to the back of the eye. Since there are no light receptors there, a part of the field of vision is not perceived. The brain fills in the gaps with surrounding detail and with information from the other eye, so the blind spot is not normally perceived. And there’s the challenge. 

As humans, we have blind spots in our lives and businesses as well, and these blind spots cause all sorts of trouble.  

Let me know if any of these ring a bell. You interrupt someone before they finish speaking and then jump to a conclusion about what they were going to say?  Or you become impatient with someone who likes to talk too much? Or being frustrated with people who don’t share the same values and beliefs you have? Yep, you guessed it those are potential blind spots.

One week at a men’s group, a member brought up challenges he was having in his relationship with his spouse.  What he wanted was a relationship that was happy and fulfilling. Instead what he had was fighting, miscommunication, hurt feelings, and resentment.  The unfortunate part is that each saw themselves as the victim with huge blind spots around the part each is playing in the marriage. Unfortunately, this is an all too familiar situation in many relationships. 

So how do you know where your blind spots are?

 
First, blind spots aren't bad--they simply exist. To get a sense of where our blind spots are we can start by asking ourselves a few questions.

• What I am not seeing in this situation? In other words, where am I distorting my view by having a closed mind?  
• What am I not feeling or sensing?  Where am I disallowing a feeling or emotion because I have a closed heart?  
• And finally, what action can I take that is grounded in a deep sense of seeing and feeling that allows me to unlock a closed will? 

This last question is of utmost importance because without the will to look at yourself and examine potential blind spots nothing is going to change. Ultimately, we are bound to repeat the same mistakes/challenges/failures if we choose to ignore our blind spots.

 
The power behind these questions is that it helps us to shift our perspective. To use our “mirrors” first to recognize the blind spot and then make a conscious effort to deal with it.

Why Uncover Blind Spots?

Uncovering blind spots are important because we bring consciousness into play. It helps us deal with the shadow elements of our personality. Blind spot work is about awareness and integration, not elimination. Think of it this way, blind spots aren’t necessarily negative traits or weaknesses, although they can be. They are parts of ourselves that we dislike and can be things we don’t like about others. Blind spot or shadow work allows us to improve our relationships. They help us understand invisible boundaries that limit us from living authentically. 

As someone passionate about my growth, I’m always on the lookout for situations when I feel resistant, insecure, or when my consciousness is lowered. These are prime candidates for blind spots. For example, perfectionism and analysis paralysis (they kind of go hand in hand don’t they?) are two items that lead me to procrastinate, negative self-talk, and self-doubt. Not a great place to say the least. So, when this happens I go through the questions above. It helps to ground me in the real truth and not the story I’ve been telling myself. 

Remember finding your blind spot, is like using your "mirrors" (process) to bring awareness to the blind spot. You can use the three questions above, ask family and friends that you trust to complete a 360 questionnaire about you to reveal potential blind spots, complete a self-assessment blind spot questionnaire. The key is to start understanding the way you think and react in different situations. To develop skills that allow you to integrate your blind spots so you can bring awareness to them.

 

EXCLUSIVE THIEF

by Jeff Brown

How would you feel if I told you that you shouldn’t always trust your own thoughts?
What if the reasons for your undesired results were hidden from you, like a blind spot. How would you ever know?

Blind spots are a part of human nature, we all have them. Limitless possibilities are all around you and within you. However, your conditioning, ideals, beliefs, and desires are limiting and twisting the way you absorb information. This creates blind spots that obscure your perception and steals your access to the enormous potential in life.

What is a blind spot?

Have you ever driven your car and just as you were about to change lanes another driver laid on his horn? Your adrenaline spiked, you panicked and swerved back into your original lane. The driver you were about to cut off or collide with glared at you with a perplexed look as if you were from Mars. At that moment you might have felt confusion, embarrassment, or fear.  “UGH!!  How did I not see that car?”

You were so certain the lane was clear and it was safe to move over. So, why were you unaware of the fact that another car was right there?  We commonly refer to this situation as having a “blind spot”. This means there is something specific you can't see. Other drivers may have seen it coming, as they had a different perspective, but for you, it was obscured. Much like blind spots in our car’s mirrors, our minds are also full of them.

What creates blind spots in your life?  

Have you ever felt so sure that you were right about something only later to realize you were incorrect? Even your own arrogance can blind you. Blind spots are like illusions that are created by your mind. Ironically, illusions by their very nature can not be seen, as they are hidden from view. When we think our perceptions are reality, we generate a blind spot. Your view of reality is filtered through your memory of past experiences, your ideals, your beliefs, and your desires. Essentially your mind paints a subjective picture of situations that you like or dislike and then it stores those images in your memory. Our memories create the foundation for assumptions and keep us mentally living in our past. Along with being skewed by our perspectives and opinions, our memories are also quite inaccurate. We create unreliable mental imprints that can bring snap judgments, a false sense of confidence, and even righteousness. 

An example of how the mind creates a blind spot could be when a person craves “love” and seeks it through infatuation. Typically, we see what we want to see: Therefore, we scan for evidence that supports what we desire. So, when a person is infatuated with someone, they track the qualities they like about them that fit with the mental picture they hold of a desirable partner. This admiration satisfies their need for “love”. At the same time, they omit less appealing attributes of the person that do not match their ideal mental image. The omissions generate a blind spot. Repeating these learned behaviours over time conditions us to develop opinions, conclusions, and limited perceptions.  

Over time you identify yourself with your memories, opinions, beliefs, and desires. Thus, your mind can really play tricks on you. It's a strange riddle for the mind because your thoughts mask who you are from who you think you are. Therefore, who you think you are, become more real. 
 

What do blind spots steal from you?

Do you want to enjoy great relationships? Do you want to have profound and meaningful connections with people you care about? When your mind creates and stores images and stories about a person, it greatly affects your ability to accurately see them in the present moment. You are not seeing them for who they actually are. Instead, you are seeing them through the images and stories you’ve created about them and now hold to be true. These assumptions erode, even destroy, your ability to develop meaningful compassionate relationships. Blind spots limit your ability to truly understand and relate to a person because your personal bias distorts your perception.

Blind spots, also limit you from gaining effective control of your life. When your misdirected attention is focused on what you want to see, it blinds you to other valuable information. To be solidly grounded within yourself and make high-level decisions, you need an open and neutral mind that observes information objectively. With a clear mind and self-inquiry skills, you’ll understand your part in creating situations in your life. Developing these skills will bring you enormous self-worth and confidence. 

What is the antidote to blind spots? 

In order to “look behind the curtain” and discover your blind spots, and eventually remove the blind spots, you must find ways to increase your self-awareness. As well, you must take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. How will you do this?

• Acknowledge we all have blind spots. Accepting the fact that you have blind spots creates accountability and opens the door for change. 
• Become present!!  As much as possible get your mind out of the past! Use self-inquiry to gain insights, turn your attention inward, and focus on what you are saying to yourself.  
• Reflect on the present challenge. If someone else is involved, question what you believe about this person's behaviour.  Is it possible you’re doing something similar? Is it possible you are in a blind spot? If so, what might it be? 

Question your thoughts, challenge your assumptions. If you believe someone is being unreasonable, ask yourself: “Could this be a blind spot? Is it possible that I am being unreasonable?” Your idea of what’s unreasonable could be radically different than another person’s perception of unreasonable. When you judge them as “unreasonable” you give yourself permission to wrong or diminish their perspective. Once you clearly understand your part in co-creating in a situation it opens the opportunity for a conversation. 

Self-assessment through questioning your thoughts is a great way to discover and remove blind spots. An effective way to achieve greater awareness is through self-reflection journaling. Most styles of journaling are “mind dumps” where a person vents their complaints and opinions. Self-reflection journaling is focused on being responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions through answering questions that dive into your inner world. 

“Unpacking” what’s going on within yourself brings deeper clarity, insights, and accountability that uncovers your involvement in creating situations. 
 

SHOULDER CHECK YOUR LIFE

by David Fyfe

When I think about the idea of a blind spot, the first thing that comes to mind for me is the crucial shoulder check before changing lanes. Making sure that the danger zone is not occupied (because it often is) before making a move. I am often still shocked to see a hovering car not picked up my mirrors and peripheral vision

But in shoulder checking our life, our personal blind spots are tough to see as our undesirable characteristics can sometimes be hidden from view. We can see that our results are less than stellar at times, but it is not always clear what is getting in our way. We try hard at life, we are good people, and we all deserve happiness, but often it feels like we are just spinning our wheels and getting nowhere. 

Why are the blind spots in our lives so hard to see?  If they are hurting us and moving us away from our hopes and dreams, shouldn’t they be in plain sight? The short answer is yes they should be obvious. But the longer answer is that our blind spots can be caused by characteristics we like or even love about ourselves.

We may love how good a friend we can be, but in turn, invite many toxic and unhealthy relationships close to us. We may pride ourselves on how loyal we are and then stay far too long in a job or relationship that treats us poorly and diminishes our spirit and mental health. We may be celebrated for what a hard worker we are and the corresponding financial achievements, but our personal relationships and health may be in ruin as we have no time or energy to take care of them. These are just some examples of common traits we like/love about ourselves that can create blind spots that can hurt our happiness and health in the long run.

Our attention is drawn to the accomplishment, many friends, long-standing relationships, steady jobs, and financial success. But the prices we are paying are hidden behind the scenes and are often far exceeding the rewards we are receiving. This imbalance is why we need to have the awareness that we sometimes have blind spots running the show and taking us away from being the conscious leader of our own lives.

I know for me one of my biggest struggles has been around seeing my self-worth and capabilities both personally and professionally. So many times I would hear from others, “I wish you could see what we can see”. From my perspective, I was always looking for more proof that I was capable. Unfortunately for me, these self-imposed measures were always a moving target with an ever-increasing expectation of success. No matter the positive feedback or accomplishments I achieved my inner critic was never fully satisfied with my results. Because of this if I ever faced a minuscule amount of external criticism it would absolutely crush my spirit bringing on a fight or flight reaction. I had created a giant blind spot around my own hard work and accomplishments, rarely giving myself credit and often being overly self-critical. This created a no-win situation for me of always striving for more and rarely being grateful for what I had. I am sure this sounds familiar to many reading this? 
 

So how do we live more aware that we have active blind spots running in all areas of our daily lives?  Here are a few suggestions:

1. Be willing to tell the truth to ourselves that we all have blind spots, give them credit that they once served a purpose at some point in our lives and that now it is time to re-evaluate their usefulness.
2. Adopt a commitment to growth, we cannot run our lives on autopilot and expect radically different results. Embracing that a certain amount of our time, money, and energy needs to be invested in our #1 resource: YOU. 
3. Spending time with like-minded people. Hanging out with folks that also want to grow and shine a light on their blind spots will significantly speed up the process of you seeing yours. We all act as mirrors to each other and have much more in common than differences.

We are all doing our best with what we know in this moment. Blind spots are tricky as often they have helped us in the past, but as they persist they begin to hurt our ability to thrive and keep us stuck in a loop. Blind spots are not a human flaw but just a way our brain helps us be more productive and protect us from harm. 

Be open to shoulder checking your life, because what is hiding there unseen, could be holding you back from your best life, or alternatively be the very thing you have been spending your life searching for. Either way, it is definitely worth a moment for a second look.
 

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