Resilient People Encourage Themselves
by Theresa Swift
I believe even one person, carrying hope, can make a difference. A domino effect.
We draw strength and hope from many places. You can be around others who have hope. You can watch a movie that makes you feel more cheerful and hopeful. Another important “hope source” is you! Hope that’s IN you rather than around you - created and encapsulated by you - can help you endure challenging times.
Have you heard the phrase, “hope deferred makes the heart grow sick”? In my youth, I thought it meant if someone didn’t get what they hoped for, it makes the heart sick (figuratively or literally). It was tied only to results, i.e., getting what I want. Some of you may have purposefully tried not to hope or expect something good to happen, to spare yourself from feeling disappointment “just in case.” Everyone experiences disappointments in life. Imagine what it does to your physical health, emotional health and outlook on life, though, if you walk around believing a sick heart is tied to results or were unwilling to hope.
A more poignant interpretation is about whether I’m able to hope, i.e., my ability to feel or express hope. I want my heart to be connected and be present with joy, laughter, sadness, peace, numbness, etc. (Yes, even those so-called “bad” emotions.) I don’t to want to be “flatlining” while living! We're created to feel, to think, to experience, to sense, to intuit, to hope. I propose the phrase is less about the outcome of getting what you want, and more about the ability to hope and to carry hope as a person.
At times you have to dig-up your own hope, water and cultivate it. Life has those crevices and periods of time when you may feel hopeless. Resilient people encourage themselves.
But how to do this? When might you encourage yourself?
In the moment disappointments. I recall a time when I was expanding my coaching business. I had an upcoming appointment with a group interested in purchasing coaching services for their members. Before our meeting, a health issue came up that wiped me out physically and exhausted me emotionally. I was unprepared for the business conversation and didn’t have supportive material (nor my normal energy level). In the moment, I felt disappointed. I started those discouraging “I should have ..." thoughts. Sound familiar? But I moved on to more encouraging thoughts, such as "I'm always learning. I'll regain my energy and focus soon." Just that small shift set me up to feel hopeful, rather than discouraged or hopeless.
Waiting “forever” disappointments. How many of you have been waiting for something that you really wanted for a long time? Maybe you’ve been looking for a job and are getting really tired of looking. Perhaps you have been hoping for a spouse and over time you’ve started to feel like it'll never happen. The waiting and delay can feel frustrating or depressing. With disappointments over time, a “stuckness” feeling emerges. When I’m feeling this way, I like to counter my “stuck” feeling with movement.
Try asking yourself:
- What has moved or progressed?
- What has been good along the way?
- Is there something I can change that may yield a different result?
- Do I need to adjust my expectation?
- How can I reinvigorate myself about the vision?
Even the tiniest movement or “ah ha,” can be a light that ignites a bit of hope -- enough so that you can continue again the next day.
Let's say you didn't make it to the final interview round and have to continue your job search. The movement may be that you’ve shortened the time it takes you to write a cover letter and now have more free time. It may be that you met a few interesting people during the earlier interviews, which re-ignited your motivation behind searching for a new job.
Resilient people encourage themselves. I invite you to do that today.
