Hello beautiful!
The Capricorn full moon is the closest the moon has been to the earth all year, and boy have I been feeling it; what a ride! Last week, as I sat with the Sacred Fire, I prayed for it to burn and transmute anything that no longer serves me. My body has literally been burning up with fever ever since. No accident then that the themes of this Capricorn Full Moon are nurturing, home and family…
My masculine and feminine selves seem to be out of whack and worse still, squabbling inside of me for balance and now my feminine has hijacked my system to force me to stop; to stop and put myself first, stop and be present, stop and relax, stop and come back into harmony. She sabotaged me only a few weeks ago; my usual hyper-organised self totally unraveled because I wasn’t giving her time to play, but I didn’t pay attention. This time a step deeper and my health thrown into the mix with my body demanding me to reassess.
At first I still did not listen...I was ‘only sitting at my desk,’ it would ‘only take a few minutes’, but just another minute and another and hours had passed. I gave my time and my energy to my client’s needs, to the Parish Council’s needs, to anyone other than my own needs. Not wanting to let anyone down, viewing it as somehow selfish or even ‘indulgent’ to let my body rest. I actually had to give myself permission to stop as if it that was some kind of luxury only to be afforded on the weekend! The insanity of it dawned upon me, "I had to give myself permission" to relax? Why was it so hard to give myself what I would so easily and generously gift to someone else?
There is a chasm between self-ish and self-love.
As if feeling utterly rubbish wasn’t enough; the death of a cherished lifetime family friend, and with it, the acknowledgement of other losses never grieved, and at the height of my fever the Capricorn Full Moon shining its light on my already difficult relationship with my father...
So I am acknowledging that I simply cannot do it all, I cannot change the world (well not alone anyway); the only work is right here and right now and it starts with me paying attention. Wayne Dyer said “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”, but change the way you live your life and your whole life changes.
Imagine what our world would look like if we lived as Caretakers of Life, nourishing our mind, body, emotions and spirit first and foremost. Only by learning to take care of ourselves can we learn how to truly, deeply and lovingly take care of the earth. If we are to birth a brighter new paradigm then the work starts with us, we are the doulas for the next generations and by honouring ourselves, we honour all life.
So as I approach my 50th birthday next month, I am really thinking about what to take into the next half century and what to let go of, I am reevaluating the “structures”, “systems” and relationships in my life that work, and those that don't. I am in a deepening relationship of self-love, learning to put myself first, be less hard on myself and figuring out how to lean into softness. This is a personal declaration, deliberately put out there to be witnessed and to do something about it before a more serious knocking comes, but also to inspire you to look at where you are pushing too hard, where can you create space and bring more ease and flow into your life?
So as I awaken from this enforced act of self-care, as my body burns everything off that I don’t need, like a Phoenix out of the fire I rise to embrace my fabulous and flourishing fifties as a fully expressed, wholly awakened and vibrant woman, and I never underestimate the power of prayer and the fire, and what it can bring when voiced from a true heart.
So dear friend, sing more, dance more; dance sadness and joy, effort and ease; be the serene flame and the dancing dervish. Take (as a dear and wise friend refers to them), restorative and creative breaks often, and most of all, be soft, steadfast and unbending in your commitment to self love.
What a blessing this life is…
With love to you all,
Niki
🌈✨❤️🦌
