Open letter: Today I feel like sharing deep thoughts that have been on my mind for a while.
As I turned 30 this year I started to reflect on what this means, as most of my friends are also in this age range between 28 and 33. And by talking about our experiences, I came to a painful conclusion that the world we live in place something even bigger on our shoulders that it is intrinsic in all women’s lives.
it is called: 30, now what?
I will describe some situations for you to think about it:
1. If you are in a long-lasting relationship, the questions about getting married, having kids, all family-related start popping like there is nothing else in the world a woman should care about it now, but don't be fooled into thinking that it's only older people who ask, and yes, everyone. And if for all the “I don’t know” replies, you will feel more like a weirdo because how dare you? There is nothing else to do, to think, or achieve as you have a great relationship.
2. If you are unsatisfied with your job/career, the judgment is all around you. You need to suck it up because you are almost or 30. You should have noticed sooner the problems and change it. It’s too late now to build a new career. You are crazy to think about starting a new job or career at this age. You should see a therapist, maybe the problem is you and not your job. You should be thankful for the career you have, why change it? In the end, It’s almost like living in a trial, people want to convince that the problem is you.
3. If you are in a relationship/engaged but thinking about breaking up, everyone around you will encourage not to do it. They will tell you that love doesn’t exist, you should focus on what is good instead of only on the bad parts. Imagine you have to start again, what will people think of you 30 and single?! Your relationship is amazing and you are the only one who can’t see it. Imagine downloading Tinder, is that what you want for your life? People need to just find someone to share life with, you don’t need to feel like dying for the other.
4. If you gained weight, you will die (or this is what society wants you to believe). You can’t have extra weight now because you are aging, you have to have your shit together, ALWAYS! A woman with 30 and overweight feels like a criminal to the world, anyone will ask you what happened to you, why are you depressed, if the problem is because you are single or are you having problems in your relationship, and how you should be more careful with the way you treat your body since from now on its downhill.
5. If you don’t want to be a mother, you are an alien. How dare you? Women must have kids, deep down you want to but you are afraid of. Women will never be complete if they don’t become mothers, it is in your nature. This is something you will regret in the future. Is it because of the pregnancy weight? Something is wrong with you, everyone wants to have a kid. You will never find someone to be if you don’t want to be a mother.
Sometimes, it feels like we are now half-dead already.
Please, take a deep breath and think about all the situations I described it. I’m sure you will remember at least 2 that you were judged and another 2 where you were the one pointing fingers.
The universe doesn’t want women to create their own path. Someone will always judge you for starting over, for doing something differently than what society wants you to believe that this is the correct thing to do. There are always big expectations on us, for everything. I asked all of my male friends, even the gays, they never experienced anything like it. Isn’t it ironic? We must break the chains of pre-assumptions and create our own. Stop the obsession of placing people inside boxes. To have the freedom to discover who you really are and to be nothing, but yourself. And also, from now on, promise me you will think twice before judging your friend when she is opening up to you.
Sincerely,
Marina Marques
