The DH Effect official newsletter by cofounders Hilary Bilbrey and Sonja Montiel |
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“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brené Brown |
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This Month's Focus: Growing with a Decided Heart |
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Shame and guilt can cripple us in our growth. It often comes from a well-meaning place – a desire to do right, achieve more and have moral integrity. Sometimes it is self-imposed, and sometimes it comes from a family member, friend, teacher or boss. Unfortunately, when shame and guilt are used as a way to correct behavior or “motivate," it tends to have the inverse effect. The receiver tends to believe the negative is their life script. Many of our clients become stuck in their not enoughness. When we communicate through a positive language, such as the virtues, we can start to paint the picture of a desired behavior or outcome. Instead of reprimanding someone for being lazy, we can ask for self-discipline, reliability or commitment. This allows the receiver to look towards the future with hope and clarity. Instead of feeling stuck or shrinking back with shame, we can move forward in a positive direction. Check out the Home and Work Tips for "Growing with a Decided Heart" below, and members, don’t forget to sign up for our masterclass on March 2nd for more ideas and practice. See details below in this newsletter to become a member! |
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GROWTH MINDSET AT HOME: “Quit being selfish.” “You are so lazy.” “Be a good person.” Especially when we are in a hurry, overwhelmed or just disconnected, we throw out these little reprimands without thinking about the impact. Although our intent is to call our kids or family members to appropriate behavior, what sometimes happens is they get the message they really are these things. Being called “selfish” can set kids up for a lifetime of trying to avoid that script, and so they become everyone’s doormat. They don’t take care of themselves because – that would be selfish. What we are really asking for in those moments of frustration is cooperation and thoughtfulness. Being called lazy tends to have one of two effects on people. They will either work themselves silly trying to outrun the label or accept it and check out of their responsibilities. After all, they are lazy. Mom and Dad told them, so it must be true. And what is so wrong with being called a “good person”? Raise your hand if you feel like if you are anything less than perfect, you are failing. Ok, you can all put your hands down now. What would it feel like if instead you were asked to be helpful, have self-discipline or show caring? You would understand the repeatable behaviors that are valued in your family, without feeling afraid of letting someone down. The shift is subtle, but important. Our voices become the life scripts for our kids and those closest to us. Will we become head trash or affirm the gifts within them, and remind them of their ability to grow? |
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GROWTH MINDSET AT WORK: One of the most powerful ways to encourage a growth mindset at work is to establish a culture around virtues. Working with your team, you can create a culture statement that everyone can own. Here is how: - Gather your team together.
- Introduce them to the virtue words and their definitions. (email us for a copy!)
- Ask everyone to name three of their well-developed virtues and share how they show them.
- Ask everyone to share one virtue they need to develop more, and what that would look like.
- Finally, ask everyone to look at the list and brainstorm which virtues would allow for the most safe, fulfilling and growth-oriented work environment. Maybe it is trust, compassion, excellence or forgiveness. Work together until you have 3-5 that everyone can agree on.
- Now determine what those virtues will look like on the team and make the behaviors of each virtue clear. What does each look, sound and act like?
- Ta Da – you have a way to remind people of the culture you all agreed to without having to shame anyone!
Lack of clarity leads to fear. Fear leads to inability to grow. Lack of growth will stunt the innovation, profitability and efficiency of the company. Want a little help doing this with your team? That’s what we do best! Contact us at thedheffect@gmail.com to schedule a discovery call for your company! |
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Mondays LIVE Energy Infuser (members) 3/1 Launch Date of our Book "Step Into Your Brilliant Purpose" 3/2 "Growing with a Decided Heart" Masterclass (members) 3/4 Podcast Guest: Stephanie Rice! 3/11 Podcast Guest: Theresa Knowles! 3/18 Podcast Guest: Melanie Studer! |
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BECOME A "FRIEND WITH BENEFITS"! |
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We get vulnerable. We lift each other up. We become your people that you can rely on. We lovingly call it “Friends with Benefits.” For $14.99 a month you get monthly Zoom masterclasses with tools to improve all the relationships in your life, meaningful online discussions, weekly live Energy Infusers, and so much more! Interested in joining us? |
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Humble, vulnerable, honest, courageous. We are guessing these might not be the first words you think of when you think of a professional athlete. When you meet Walter Mendendall IV, we know you will be inspired by the way he truly sees youth in under-resourced areas, and more importantly, helps them see who they are, why they matter and what their purpose is. When we grow up, we want to be Walter! |
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| | Hilary and Sonja are so excited to be authors in this powerful book, STEP INTO YOUR BRILLIANT PURPOSE! In their chapter, they share several life experiences that got them to not only finding their own brilliant purpose, but launching a movement where you can step fully into your own brilliance. | | |
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| | As education ambassador for Awareness Ties, Sonja interviewed Hilary to be featured in The Light Edition - Turning the darkness to light. While it is always painful revisiting Hilary's most traumatic time 19 years ago, she provides us with hope on a way to move forward shining light, even after the storm. | | |
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