We're often told that empathy is a valuable asset. How it’s more powerful than sympathy. How it’s an aspect of emotional intelligence. But in our most recent podcast, Dr. Barry Kerzin, buddhist monk, founder of Altruism in Medicine Institute, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s personal physician, said that empathy might not be the wisest approach in healthcare. I was surprised to hear that (to say the least), but when he explained his reasoning, it seemed so obvious. Here's a quote from our conversation:
"Empathy is standing in the other person's shoes. You become too close emotionally, enmeshed. As a result of that, you end up taking on or owning the pain of the person that you're talking to or trying to take care of. If you're taking this on multiple times and you don't know how to clear it, it builds up and starts to cause a full blown burnout. We're much more prone to go along that path if we practice empathy rather than compassion."
Dr. Kerzin goes on to say that compassion is an emotional half step back from empathy. Rather than resonating with the patient's pain and taking it on, we actively engage with, “the wish and the action, when we're able, to reduce or even eliminate pain and suffering.”
Taking this into account, I see empathy in normal circumstances as analogous to drinking from a cup of water. Doing it in sips and small doses is not only tolerable, it’s enriching. In the healthcare setting however, I think it’s more like drinking from a firehose. A little makes you and those around you better, a lot overwhelms and fries your internal system. Compassion, on the other hand, is a limitless resource. The more it’s used, the more powerful it gets.
So how to do it? Dr. Kerzin offers this advice:
Start with this short internal statement when you meet someone or engage with a patient...
“Just as I want to be happy and not have pain, so does this other person. They want to be happy and not to hurt.”
It’s that easy, but it takes practice.
Try this wth the next few people you encounter, whether you know them well or are meeting them for the first time. Let me know how it goes.
Keep on rocking,
Rob O
