Face the Regret. If you regret something that has happened, one way to overcome the regret monster in your mind might be to face up to it, accept that it has happened, that it can't be changed (no matter how much we wish we could travel back in time to do so!) and explore how this makes you feel.
The next step is to find a silver lining. Ask yourself, "What have I learned from this?" Or, "What can I learn from this situation/event?" When I ask these types of questions during coaching sessions there can be revelations, and there can be periods of intense contemplation. The answer might not present itself to you straight away. Here is where an experienced coach can come in handy to help explore. Remember the saying, "no mud, no lotus." The lotus flower springs forth and blooms in the muddiest of waters, and so can we!
Don't Ruminate. According to positivepsychology.com, rumination is, "the unhealthy pattern of behaviors where we continuously think about something that happened in the past, to the point of seeing negative effects on our health and wellbeing." The problem with ruminating is that it is linked to negative outcomes such as an increased likelihood of depression and anxiety, less contentment with life, difficulty with managing emotions, difficulty with self-motivation and less overall resilience.
So how do you know if you are ruminating? If you keep replaying a certain event in your mind, perhaps wishing that you had done something differently or said something that you thought of later, if you feel like you are dwelling on something that has happened or is going to occur, if you feel that there is constant worry about something or someone, then these could be signs that you are ruminating. Here is some information that might be of value to you in overcoming rumination.
During coaching sessions with clients, we often get to the heart of the rumination in various ways such as discovering subconscious fears and emotions which the client wasn't aware of and utilising techniques to restore peace.
Other powerful ways to overcome disappointment, shame and regret can be to forgive yourself and to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion has so many advantages that we are really doing a disservice to ourselves if we don't learn how to incorporate it into our lives every day for major shifts in our wellbeing...
