STAND-UP

Unless you have inexplicably skipped over the above talk of seventeenth century scientsts, you'll know about my London stand-up writing course starting again in January. There's also my excellent Zoom stand-up writing course coming up. Again they’re for gigging acts and course grads. In the most recent run as well as people from all round the UK, we have a comic in Ireland, one in Germany and three in the USA. But the next run is not until April 2024 - but that does give you lots of time to think up your own gags about Robert Hooke if you are so minded.

SITCOM/COMEDY DRAMA

Stroud: The Sitcom!

Here's a unique opportunity to team write a sitcom that's set in the very town the course takes places in and lampoons folks from that town! Yes it's Stroud: The Sitcom! back for a second run at the Sub Rooms in Stroud. It all leads up to a live rehearsed reading of the script where the people you are sending up could be in the audience!

Zoom Sitcom/Comedy drama script writing courses

On Thursday nights starting in January I am again running my Write Your TV Comedy Script course on which you get to crochet a hat... okay obviously you get to write your TV comedy script. Plus starting February there's another chance to learn the Essential Tools of TV comedy script writing on my stupendous live and interactive Zoom course. Yes forget the inessential tools! These are the essential ones!

Below is an image from a course I teach on which you can join for a mere £9k a year - yes it's the sitcom module on the degree at Bath Spa University. A bit of a fracas in one of four student sitcoms we're filming in the studio has broken out here. Don't worry, this is all part of the show - the students haven't had a massive falling out on set. 

I was delighted to receive homeworks from you in response to the brief I set you in the last newsletter. Your entries are below! Here's the new homework.

COMEDY HOMEWORK EXERCISE 2

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

In this exercise, your character will be recording the message that plays when they can’t take a call and their phone goes to voicemail. Normally it’s this kind of thing: ‘I can’t take your call right now, please leave a message after the tone’. The game of this however is that your character is (a) being weirdly specific about why they can’t take the call and (b) reveals too much information. (They’re behaving inappropriately for the context).

if you have someone in mind to base your character on that will give you a head start, but don’t overthink it. Just settle on an idea that tickles you. This is how you’ll write it. And keep in mind this is likely to be pretty short – 30 seconds maybe. Here is how it will unfold:

SET-UP: Your character says they can’t take the call right now…

REVEAL: They then reveal a very personal (and inappropriate to be sharing) reason why they can’t the call.

ESCALATION: They build on the detail – too much information.

PAYOFF: They revert to normal with a please ‘leave a message after the tone’ ending.

This kind of abrupt transition back to normality after a moment of craziness can make for a satisfying ending.

And below are your entries in response to the last brief! 

The task from the last newsletter was that your character is writing a message in condolence cards for a bereaved person known to them. After the usual condolences, they inappropriately slip in something self-serving. With a PS as a kicker. Here are the inappropriate bereavement card messages you entered last time!

BY DAVID LAYDE:

Dear Cathy,

It’s such terrible news, Gordon's passing. He loved you a lot.

Look, sorry to pick this moment, but I gave him a pair of mittens for his birthday and they'd be perfect for my funeral outfit.

Of course, I don’t want to disturb your grieving. Could you be a star and post them? It’s just so sad… passing on his birthday too.

Hope to make the funeral. Simon Xx

P.S. Gordon had rather clammy hands, so if you could wash them first?

Thanks. S

BY AMY JANE BLACK

Dear Miriam

I can’t believe the news! It was only last Tuesday I saw Ron down the café!? I got him a bacon sandwich to cheer him up, what with that rabbit food diet them Doctor’s put him on. I just can’t believe he’s gone.

Listen…hate to do this, but Ron still owes me £2.60 for that sarnie. Obviously, it was my pleasure to help him out and everything, but the thing is...cost of living crisis and everything, I’m sure you understand.

But if there’s anything I can do during this difficult time, I’d love to help you out! Like I did for Ron.

With deepest sympathy

Steph

PS… Actually because of inflation like, a bacon sandwich this week is £38! So if would probably be easier if you just make it out to cash and send it to my bookie. Please put the money on a horse running today at Newmarket called Ron Rabbit Ron – it feels fitting. Any winnings we can split 75/25 in my favour.

BY MIKE SMYTH

Dear Gloria

I was saddened to hear of your uncle's death following his long battle with cancer. When I heard that he was travelling to a Swiss clinic, I was rather hoping that he would bring me back some nice Swiss Emmental Cheese.

However, I fear that may not be possible, as I have since found out that his journey was one way to the assisted dying clinic. It's a strange and sad world when some people have no alternative but to end their days in this way, away from home and family.

I was wondering if you would need to journey out to Switzerland, perhaps to gather up his personal things, or complete some final administration? If so, would you be so kind as to bring me back some Emmenthal? I would be happy to reimburse you on your return.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time,

Yours

Sister Edih

PS… Unfortunately I will be unable to attend your uncle's memorial service at your local church next Sunday but I would be grateful if you could arrange to drop the cheese off at the convent before it goes off.

BY LOU TRELEVAN:

Dear King Charles and family,

I just wanted to write and say how devastated I was, and still am, by the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. I was honoured to be one of those queuing at Westminster Hall to see her body, and that final glimpse and a chance to say goodbye was definitely worth the day off work, long wait and the loss of a contact lens as I bent over the coffin.

I know this is a very difficult time for the family, but if you could just look and see if the contact lens is still in the coffin and post it back to me it would be very much appreciated. I think it fell around the collarbone area. But I did have to adjust her clothing to check so it may be further in. Plus by then I was only wearing one contact lens so I couldn’t really be certain where I was rummaging.

Yours in deepest sympathy,

A Loyal Subject

PS I am aware that Her Majesty died and was buried some time ago, but if you wouldn’t mind digging her up to check I would be very grateful, and I know it is what she would have wanted.

Gratuitous dog photo!

Two for the price of one this month as it's my daughter's dog Faith with her dog friend Belle in a rare moment of peace between bouts of wrestling.

CORPORATE COMEDY COACHING

Rather than messing around uploading dog photos, I should mention I am doing some great workshops for corporate clients these days. Just finished a Write Quick & Funny workshop for the copywriters at ad agency House 337 and am in the middle* of doing a series of sessions on using stand-up skills for presenting, at agency The & Partnership. So you can even get me to come in and do stuff at your work! Let me know if you might be up for that.

And have a look at this from the archive! Here I am (many years ago) warming up a lunchtime crowd at ITV ahead of doing an hour on using stand-up skills when presenting.

ITV warm up

* Not literally. I'm not sitting writing this on their dollar.

Here's Everything I Haven't Mentioned