One of the biggest challenges teens face is building resilience. Life happens, and suddenly our normally cheerful teen is catapulted into despair. As parents, it is very easy to fall into the “This is not a big deal, you will get through this…” loop. But we often forget that we have the benefit of time and experience that has given us this perspective. So how can we help our tweens, teens, and young adults navigate deep disappointment and loss now and build resilience?
It seems appropriate for me to address this topic, this month, as I am grieving the recent loss of our dear 13-year-old cockapoo pup, Bronx. He really was “Mommy’s Boy” and frankly, riding this wave of grief has been overwhelming at times.
Let me say that my intention in this article is not to give advice on managing grief. I have no real expertise or training on the subject as I am coming to understand now. I am simply attempting to use my current experience as a lighthearted way to address how we as parents and teens might support one other in times of disappointment and loss.
Today while on the same walk down our back road that I have taken with Bronx for 13 years, I started to tap into all the gifts that Bronx brought to my life, and it became clear that these little tenets might serve us all well as we navigate disappointment, loss and maybe even life’s daily challenges in general. So here goes—What life with Bronx has taught me--
Love each other unconditionally, period!
Push your way into places you don’t belong occasionally (like on Mom’s yoga mat when she is doing yoga) and shake things up- help your teen or parent see things differently.
Show up with a toy in your mouth here and there and remind your teen or your parent to play and have fun!
Greet people (your teen or parent) like they are the most wonderful beings in the world- wag your tail with delight.
Make space for people (your teen or parent) and just sit quietly and listen with your eyes and heart even if they don’t seem to want you to- they do.
Tolerate a good brushing and ear cleaning every so often because people need to take care of their loved ones even if you don’t necessarily like the way they are trying to do it.
Put the window down and crank the tunes even if it is 32 degrees! Be spontaneous!
Find the perfect sunspot in your house and just take a nap in the middle of the day- Just stop and be!
Trust that all is well and that you are right where you are supposed to be every day. Don’t let one rainy day dampen your enthusiasm- just curl up and take another nap. You will need more energy for play time tomorrow.
Maybe tapping into questions like “What is the gift for me here? What is the lesson? How will this disappointment or loss help me move towards what I want or deserve?” is the best we can do while we honor and sit with the pain and hurt and accept all that the experience has for us. In the meantime, we can all take some tips from Bronx.
If your teen or young adult could use tools and strategies for building resilience and navigating disappointment and loss, please reach out to schedule a Complimentary Discovery Call.
ginnymoylan@findingyourfirefly.com
