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Newsletter May 20, 2024 Together, we're #keepingitsacred...

This is part 2 of 2 in our initial newsletter on the work of repair, found HERE. 

 

Who apologizes for institutional harms?

 

Last week, I sketched out some basic harms that were perpetuated across decades by one institution, Hebrew Inion College-Jewish Institute of Religion (HUC-JIR). And the ritual they offered after decades of advocacy by the leadership of the Women's Rabbinic Network, and other individuals. 

 

The ritual was a reaffirmation of the initial ordination. Only this time, the remarks by the President, Provost, and a member of the board of trustees centered around apology, teshuvah/repentance, and the values of Torah that would compel them to formalize the apology in ritual like this one. 

 

Those participating were given the opportunity to choose any ordained rabbi we wanted to perform the ceremony. Naturally, I asked my first teacher of Mishnah from 8th grade who officiated my bat mitzvah, my consecration, my middle school culmination, who is among the vatikot/ respected founders of the WRN, and who lived her own story of gender discrimination- Rabbi Leah Kroll.

 

In a fitting twist of fate, because I became bat mitzvah at the age of 15 and not the traditional 13, this year was my 30th batmitzvahversary, and also by happenstance, the college had decided to host this ceremony at the same synagogue and in the same chapel as my original bat mitzvah. So, this ritual would be performed by my rabbi on in the same room on the same bimah and in front off the same open ark as my bat mitzvah nearly exactly 30 years later.

 

As I ascended the steps of that bimah, I allowed myself to focus on what I usually try to ignore- the weight of gender based discrimination on my shoulders.

 

I hadn’t quite realized how much was there. And as I took step after step, literally making aliyah/ going up to stand before the open ark, to stand before the original rabbi who sparked my love of studying Mishnah and Talmud and other rabbinic texts, I was already moved to tears.

 

Before me that day, others had ascended the bimah to be reaffirmed- great visionary rabbis who I respect and admire for their strength and lifetime of service. Their expressions already indicated to me the power of the day and ritual.

 

Now was my moment for HUC-JIR to repair the brokenness of my original ordination. At that time, I had been ordained by then- President David Ellenson, z”l, who was a great historian and someone with whom I had discussed my thesis and who had nurtured my growth as a rabbi. I was glad he had originally ordained me. This ceremony was not a repair of that.

 

This ceremony, for me, was about the fact that during my time as a student on the New York campus of HUC-JIR, I had paired up with a chevruta partner /study buddy throughout rabbinical school but we were given different certificates simply because he was a man and I was a woman. In rabbinical school, he and I had geeked out pouring over the same texts in the library for hours after school nearly every day. We had both opted to take our classes for grades though others had opted for a pass/fail structure. We did our chaplaincies and our theses at the same time. And took all of the same core courses and many elective courses together. Our education was nearly identical. But he was treated differently because of his chromosomes.

 

I would have expected this from other denominations. In fact, once, my chevruta partner and I were taking a break from our studies and, on our way to a restaurant, we walked across Washington Square Park. There, a Chabad emissary approached us. “You Jewish?” he asked my friend. After responding in the affirmative, the man asked if my friend would like to perform the ritual of laying tefillin (a daily spiritual process of wrapping phylacteries). “No thank you,” my (male) friend responded.

 

I piped up, “I would like to.” His response was discriminatory but not surprising. He said no I didn’t “have to,” articulating the position of the movement with which he was affiliated. “I know, but I’d like to,“ I replied. From there, he said that women were considered closer to God, and therefore didn’t need to perform this particular ritual. Again, I said in your worldview, I may not be obligated to, but I would like to.

 

He then indicated that not being obligated to do so meant that I would not be welcome to do so. That was that. That kind of thing happens to women all the time in certain movements. It is simply their worldview that there is a gender binary, and men have different obligations than women.. I understood that and acknowledge that patriarchy had been ingrained in his movement.

 

However, in our movement, the Reform movement, with HUC–JIR the premier ordaining institution, it was especially hurtful to know that I had been discriminated against simply based upon gender. Our movement professes values for equality among people of all genders. So, my moment participating in the ritual of repair for HUC-JIR represented their alignment with their own professed values. And it was an acknowledgment that they recognize that everyone is truly created, B’tzelem Elohim/in the image of God, equally. If they were going to apologize, I would accept it.

 

It was important to me to bring the closest members of my family to that ritual that day. Why? Because each of them had a hand in supporting me through rabbinical school. This was an apology to them as well.

 

And, this time, I also brought my two children, who were not yet born when I was in rabbinical school. I brought them because I wanted to learn of the history of gender discrimination, and see what addressing of that kind of harm would look like. I also wanted them to understand the power of repair, saying you’re sorry, and the importance of engaging in that kind of healing.

 

I felt connected with the old school way of ordination happening- from teacher to student. From someone who had invested the time and energy into my growth as a rabbi from the earliest of days, sparking within me the desire to learn more. Of someone who nurtured my learning and saw me as a student first. And with whom I learned without the weight of patriarchy encumbering my learning. This is how it should be.

 

As I approach the open ark, and I saw my rabbi standing there, I noticed she had some thing in her hands. It turned out to be a paper I had written in 1992 on the life of Rabbi Yohanan ben Zakkai and his innovative spirit setting up Yavneh after the fall of Jerusalem. I will not reveal here the contents of her remarks to me, but suffice to say in that moment, I felt seen and heard and affirmed. Much Mishnah and Talmud and Torah was quoted. (If you know me and my love of sacred texts, meet my teacher!) 

 

Afterward she placed her lifted hands on my bowed head, she blessed me with the priestly benediction, effectively re-affirming my earlier ordination. That moment was everything.

 

Afterwards, I thanked the President of the college for this powerful ritual of repair and told him I accepted the apology. I was able to do that. For myself and the harms I personally had endured at the college. Others will have their own relationship with the repair process as others were harmed in other ways, some in physical ways, and some in sexual ways. Those repairs will need to be addressed one by one between the college and them and their loved ones, and the Jewish people. Because when someone's light is dimmed in the community, it darkens all of us. And, that's just what it is. Harm has a way of rippling outwards and impacting those around. And apologies must be made to each and every one who is on the receiving end of it.

 

In fact, Rabbi Kroll taught me that from the old chasidic pillow story about how harm is like the breaking of a feather pillow in the center of town. Just as the feathers scatter to the winds, trying to repair the damage and collect each and every feather is quite a challenge. Nevertheless, as the Mishnah Pirkei Avot 2:21 teaches, "You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from trying."

 

In all, the work of teshvah/repair is difficult. As difficult as collecting all of those scattered feathers that have landed harm all around the community. But, in every case, it is incumbent upon us to try to address the harm and seek to repair. This is a lesson for not only HUC-JIR, but for all of us with every harm no matter how big or small. This why there is power in the act of teshuvah/repair. This is how we keep it sacred.

 

Together, we’re #keepingitsacred...


Rabbi Heather Miller

Founder, Keeping It Sacred

GRIEF IN THE MIDDLE EAST

TODAY! Hosted by Keeping It Sacred, in collaboration with Muslims for Progressive Values, and Nefesh: Hear from those living with Grief in the Middle East as we invite members of the Parents' Circle to share reflections on their experiences as people who have lost loved ones in violence. Explore human suffering and a new vision for the future. Join us at 9am PT | Noon ET on 5/20. Register here!

 

Our speakers include:

Robi Damelin, spokesperson and director of International Relations for the Parents Circle - Families Forum joined the organization after her son was killed by a Palestinian Sniper. All her work on the ground both in Palestine and Israel and internationally is geared towards non-violence and reconciliation as a means to end the occupation. Robi was named as a 2015 Woman of Impact by Women in the World. She regularly contributes to media outlets in Israel and abroad. Robi was invited to brief the Security Council at the United Nations in May, 2022.

 

Laila Alsheikh lives in Bethlehem in the West Bank. In 2002, her 6 months old son, Qussay, became ill and Israeli soldiers prevented Layla from taking him to the hospital for more than five hours. Qussay soon died from the lack of timely treatment. Laila joined the Parents Circle in 2016. Following her son’s death, she never thought of revenge, but rather has devoted her time and energy to ensuring a better, more peaceful future for her children
 

The Parents Circle - Families Forum is a joint Israeli-Palestinian organization made up of more than 700 bereaved families. Their common bond is that they have lost a close family member to the conflict. But instead of choosing revenge, they have chosen a path of reconciliation.Through their educational activities, these bereaved members have joined together to take tens of thousands of Palestinians and Israelis on journeys of reconciliation. It is often raw and always emotional. But out of these interactions, comes change. Not the kind of change that makes headlines, but a more personal and profound shift in perspective.As a joint Israeli-Palestinian peace organization, the PCFF models constructive dialogue around shared values. Even since October 7th, 2023, its staff, members, and thousands of participants are still committed to peace and a way forward that centers around empathy and humanization.The PCFF focuses on the shared value of the sanctity of human life. This conversation brings our attention to the values that Palestinians and Israelis can agree upon even in the darkest of times.

 

SHAVUA TOV FROM MAURITIUS!

Shavua tov/ happy new week! Wish love and beauty from our @keepingitsacred member in @mauritius ! Cheers to noticing beauty and being wowed by it.

KITS CREATIVITY CLUB

June 2nd Sunday at 9am PT/12pm ET, enjoy a chance to hang out with other Keeping It Sacred community members, get to know each other better, and create. Our sessions are led by beloved KITS community members Sheryl Aronson and Wendy Stiver.

COURT CASE AGAINST SWATTING

This past Wednesday, Rabbi Miller went to support Dr. Melina Abdullah, co-founder of Black Lives Matter Los Angeles and among the leaders of Black Lives Matter Grassroots in her court case against the 2020 LAPD response to the swatting of her home. A swatting is when a bogus call goes to LAPD, and prompts their heightened response. The case is ongoing.

FIREPIT SHABBAT

Give yourself the gift of space to reflect and rejuvenate in community with monthly shabbat services. Rabbi Miller and Max Winer will lead the community with Jewish thought and sacred song the last Friday of every month.

 

These services take place the LAST Friday night of the month both online and in person (in Sherman Oaks, CA) at 5:30pm PT/8:30pm ET. Please RSVP for both at keepingitsacred.com/upcoming and if you’d like to join in person, please email Rabbi Miller at rabbimiller@keepingitsacred.com for details.

 

PLEASE MARK YOUR CALENDAR:

May’s Shabbat is Fire Pit Shabbat in honor of Lag B’Omer (5/31)

June’s service is Summertime Shabbat (6/28)

NISAN ROSH CHODESH RACIAL JUSTICE BOOK REVIEW

This is our way of ending each month with a new vision of racial justice. Sivan Rosh Chodesh Racial Justice Book Review: June 6th 9:30am PT/12:30pm ET. Register here! We are reading Grieving While Black by Breeshia Wade. And mark your calendar for upcoming dates:

  • Sivan Rosh Chodesh Racial Justice Book Review: June 6, Chapter 7

  • Tammuz Rosh Chodesh Racial Justice Book Review: July 5, Chapter 8

  • Av Rosh Chodesh Racial Justice Book Review: August 8, a special session on the intersection of antisemitism with racism, links will be provided.

  • Elul Rosh Chodesh Racial Justice Book Review: September 5, we begin a new book: We Refuse, by Kellie Carter Jackson

JOIN THE BRAID AND THE LUNAR COLLECTIVE IN:
WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL THIS HERITAGE?

Check out this amazing program from our friends at LUNAR: “We've teamed up with @thebraidstories to create What Do I Do With All This Heritage?, an original theatre show featuring true stories by Asian American Jews. Written by our community and performed by an entirely Asian American cast, this one-of-a-kind show is one you won't want to miss.

The show opens on May 15 and continues through June 9! Whether you're joining us in Los Angeles, the Bay Area, or live on Zoom, there is a show for you. Plus, we're offering special pay-what-you-can tix for LUNAR community members!

Get your tickets at the-braid.org/heritage ✨”

COUNT THE OMER WITH US!

Join our social media platforms: Instagram and Facebook, to follow along with counting the Omer, started Tuesday, April 23rd. The counting of the omer was once a harvest season ritual that was adopted by the Kabbalists who infused a spirituality and intentionality into the practice. Check out our social media daily for seven weeks of seven days of readings, and meditative prompts to spark introspection and spiritual strength. This custom traditionally links the second night of Passover with Shavuot (day 50!). Join us in this spiritual exercise as we climb up from oppression to the celebration of the giving of the Torah.

SHARE YOUR INTERFAITH WEDDING STORY WITH 18 DOORS

18Doors (formerly interfaithfamily.com) is looking to learn about the contours of interfaith weddings. Who officiated? In what ways were the elements of your traditions incorporated? What were special or memorable moments? Share your story with 18Doors here! “We want to see your Jewish Interfaith Wedding!”

 

And, if you're looking to have an interfaith wedding, please check out our weddings webpage HERE-- Rabbi Miller joyfully officiates!

INTRODUCTION TO JUDAISM

Our Introduction to Judaism® online course gives participants a strong foundation for authentic and empowered engagement in the Jewish community.  This 18-session program is the perfect introduction to Jewish living, theology, texts, history, holidays, and rituals.

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This course is designed for spiritual seekers, interfaith couples, individuals pursuing or considering conversion, and Jews who want a meaningful chance to reconnect with their Judaism as an adult.

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Classes will be held Mondays at 1pm PT/4pm ET from January 22 through June 3, with breaks March 25 (Spring Break) and May 27 (Memorial Day).

 

The program is led by Rabbi Heather Miller and her teaching style is interactive, and encouraging of questions. She is queer and a member of an interracial, international, interfaith family, and joyfully engages with folks of all backgrounds. Rabbi Heather Miller is known for her open, affirming, and joyful approach.

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Come for the program, stay for the community! Weekly classes are augmented by Shabbat and holiday programs and additional experiential components all found on the calendar (HERE). Our course of 18 classes is $360 for individuals, and $500 for couples. No experience necessary. All are welcome!

 

View the course outline HERE. Full course materials are provided upon registration.

​

REGISTRATION NOW CLOSED.

HEALING CIRCLE & TALMUD TEXT STUDY EVERY THURSDAY

JOIN our healing circle holding space for all looking for prayers for healing. This and EVERY THURSDAY -- at 10:30am PT/1:30pm ET.

 

Immediately following that: at 11am PT/2pm ET, join us as we jump into a conversation with the rabbinic sages of old. We enjoy studying a page of Talmud every day and reviewing together every Thursday, adding our perspectives and the relevance to our own lives as we go along. We enjoy participation from participants across the world who span the spectrum of race, gender, class, age, and connection to Jewish thought.

 

The rabbis could never have imagined such a wonderful group considering their thoughts!

 

What people say:

"Yesterday's class was superb!! I remain impressed by so many things that you do! You are able to keep us on track, share (some of) your knowledge with us, make all sorts of connections to the Jewish and secular worlds, and meet each of us where we are! Kudos to you!!"

 

"Talmud study has opened a window to that world for me. I love the anthropology and sociology of it all."

 

"The minority opinions may someday count as much as the majority opinions. It reminds us that things change the Halacha changes and we change each year that we read it."

 

"We have the opportunity to compare the Halacha we are practicing today with the one they were writing and studying in the Talmud... It has been very interesting how things have evolved how we keep the tradition in our own way."

 

"I feel very close to this amazing group and I'm grateful to Rabbi Miller for conducting it."

 

To join, please register HERE. Also, DM Rabbi Miller on Facebook HERE to be added to the closed, secret group where we question and discuss. And look for us on Instagram daily HERE.

LET'S CONNECT ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Join us online at: keepingitsacred.com, Instagram accounts @hearabbi and @keepingitsacred, our Facebook pages HERE and HERE, YouTube Channel HERE and podcasts everywhere. Join us there for updated Talmud posts, Torah commentary, inspirations and invitations to gather online and in person.

 

Whether you found us through a friend, neighbor, a listserve or browsing the internet, we are glad you're here!

UPCOMING EVENTS:

 

iCal USER? 

If you use iCal and would like the complete Keeping It Sacred calendar added to your calendar, click HERE. This way you won't miss an opportunity to connect via our LIVE activities. 

 

EVERY DAY

Please enjoy TWO seasons of our 7-episode web series People Keeping It Sacred and our Jewish Holiday series called "A Bit About..." both available on YouTube HERE and via podcast on your favorite podcast player including: PocketCasts, Breaker, RadioPublic, Apple + Podcasts, Spotify and more HERE.

  

ONGOING: SPIRITUAL COUNSELING

Rabbi Miller is available for 1-on-1 spiritual counseling; pay what you can. Topics are based upon the participant and can include your personal theological understanding of coronavirus, spiritually making space for others in your home, the spirituality of isolation and finding your way back to sacred connection. For more information, click HERE.

 

5/20 GRIEF IN THE MIDDLE EAST

9am PT/ noon ET on 5/20 join us for Grief in the Middle East. A program hosted by Keeping It Sacred, Muslims for Progressive Values, and Nefesh: Hear from those living with Grief in the Middle East as we invite members of the Parents' Circle to share reflections on their experiences as parents who have lost children in violence. Explore human suffering and a new vision for the future. Register here!


5/20 INTRODUCTION TO JUDAISM®

This 18-session class is the perfect introduction to Jewish living, theology, texts, history, holidays and rituals on Mondays at 1pm PT | 4pm ET. Come for the class, stay for the community! REGISTER HERE.


5/23 HEALING CIRCLE

Join us as we gather every Thursday for a Prayer Circle. Lift up names of those who are ill, and join together for support and community. All are welcome. 10:30am PT/ 1:30pm ET/ 3:30pm Brazil time/ 6:30pm London-time. Register for this program HERE. 

 

5/23 PAGE-A-DAY OF TALMUD DAF YOMI GROUP MEET-UP

Thursdays at 11am PT/ 2pm ET/ 4pm Brazil time/ 7pm London time, join us as we review the past week's Talmud readings in sacred international community. No experience necessary, but be ready for some *interesting* discussions. Bring what you know about Torah, but also what you know to be true from your own life. Your insights are appreciated. Register for this program HERE.  


5/30 HEALING CIRCLE

Join us as we gather every Thursday for a Prayer Circle. Lift up names of those who are ill, and join together for support and community. All are welcome. 10:30am PT/ 1:30pm ET/ 3:30pm Brazil time/ 6:30pm London-time. Register for this program HERE. 

 

5/30 PAGE-A-DAY OF TALMUD DAF YOMI GROUP MEET-UP

Thursdays at 11am PT/ 2pm ET/ 4pm Brazil time/ 7pm London time, join us as we review the past week's Talmud readings in sacred international community. No experience necessary, but be ready for some *interesting* discussions. Bring what you know about Torah, but also what you know to be true from your own life. Your insights are appreciated. Register for this program HERE.  

 

5/31 FIREPIT SHABBAT: SHABBAT SERVICES

Give yourself the gift of space to reflect and rejuvenate in community with monthly shabbat services. Rabbi Miller and Max Winer will lead the community with Jewish thought and sacred song the last Friday of every month. Rabbi Miller is our rabbi! And, Max Winer is a storyteller, song leader, and musician who uses these creative expressions to help create community, facilitate learning, and inspire a love of Judaism. These services take place the LAST Friday night of the month both online and in person (in Sherman Oaks, CA) at 5:30pm PT/8:30pm ET. Register here!

 
6/02 CREATIVITY CLUB

Every other Sunday at 9am PT | noon ET! Enjoy a chance to hang out with other Keeping It Sacred community members, get to know each other better, and create. Bring your favorite form of creativity to work on, Art, Baking, Craft, Dance, etc.. and share inspiration. Some weeks will include someone teaching how to do a project/technique, other weeks will be purely socializing while we do our own things. REGISTER HERE.


6/03 INTRODUCTION TO JUDAISM®

This 18-session class is the perfect introduction to Jewish living, theology, texts, history, holidays and rituals on Mondays at 1pm PT | 4pm ET. Come for the class, stay for the community! REGISTER HERE.


6/06 SIVAN ROSH CHODESH RACIAL JUSTICE BOOK REVIEW

This is our way of ending each month with a new vision of racial justice. 9:30am PT/12:30pm ET. Register for this program HERE. 

 

6/06 HEALING CIRCLE

Join us as we gather every Thursday for a Prayer Circle. Lift up names of those who are ill, and join together for support and community. All are welcome. 10:30am PT/ 1:30pm ET/ 3:30pm Brazil time/ 6:30pm London-time. Register for this program HERE. 

 

6/06 PAGE-A-DAY OF TALMUD DAF YOMI GROUP MEET-UP

Thursdays at 11am PT/ 2pm ET/ 4pm Brazil time/ 7pm London time, join us as we review the past week's Talmud readings in sacred international community. No experience necessary, but be ready for some *interesting* discussions. Bring what you know about Torah, but also what you know to be true from your own life. Your insights are appreciated. Register for this program HERE.  

 

6/13 HEALING CIRCLE

Join us as we gather every Thursday for a Prayer Circle. Lift up names of those who are ill, and join together for support and community. All are welcome. 10:30am PT/ 1:30pm ET/ 3:30pm Brazil time/ 6:30pm London-time. Register for this program HERE. 

 

6/13 PAGE-A-DAY OF TALMUD DAF YOMI GROUP MEET-UP

Thursdays at 11am PT/ 2pm ET/ 4pm Brazil time/ 7pm London time, join us as we review the past week's Talmud readings in sacred international community. No experience necessary, but be ready for some *interesting* discussions. Bring what you know about Torah, but also what you know to be true from your own life. Your insights are appreciated. Register for this program HERE.  

 

6/16 CREATIVITY CLUB

Every other Sunday at 9am PT | noon ET! Enjoy a chance to hang out with other Keeping It Sacred community members, get to know each other better, and create. Bring your favorite form of creativity to work on, Art, Baking, Craft, Dance, etc.. and share inspiration. Some weeks will include someone teaching how to do a project/technique, other weeks will be purely socializing while we do our own things. REGISTER HERE.

 

6/20 HEALING CIRCLE

Join us as we gather every Thursday for a Prayer Circle. Lift up names of those who are ill, and join together for support and community. All are welcome. 10:30am PT/ 1:30pm ET/ 3:30pm Brazil time/ 6:30pm London-time. Register for this program HERE. 

 

6/20 PAGE-A-DAY OF TALMUD DAF YOMI GROUP MEET-UP

Thursdays at 11am PT/ 2pm ET/ 4pm Brazil time/ 7pm London time, join us as we review the past week's Talmud readings in sacred international community. No experience necessary, but be ready for some *interesting* discussions. Bring what you know about Torah, but also what you know to be true from your own life. Your insights are appreciated. Register for this program HERE.  

 

6/27 HEALING CIRCLE

Join us as we gather every Thursday for a Prayer Circle. Lift up names of those who are ill, and join together for support and community. All are welcome. 10:30am PT/ 1:30pm ET/ 3:30pm Brazil time/ 6:30pm London-time. Register for this program HERE. 

 

6/27 PAGE-A-DAY OF TALMUD DAF YOMI GROUP MEET-UP

Thursdays at 11am PT/ 2pm ET/ 4pm Brazil time/ 7pm London time, join us as we review the past week's Talmud readings in sacred international community. No experience necessary, but be ready for some *interesting* discussions. Bring what you know about Torah, but also what you know to be true from your own life. Your insights are appreciated. Register for this program HERE.  

 

6/27 SIYYUM TRACTATE BAVA METZIA

Grab your place at the table as we sit down with the sages of old and wrestle with their thinking, enjoy their stories, and glean their wisdom! Register for this program here!

 

6/28 SUMMERTIME SHABBAT: SHABBAT SERVICES

Give yourself the gift of space to reflect and rejuvenate in community with monthly shabbat services. Rabbi Miller and Max Winer will lead the community with Jewish thought and sacred song the last Friday of every month. Rabbi Miller is our rabbi! And, Max Winer is a storyteller, song leader, and musician who uses these creative expressions to help create community, facilitate learning, and inspire a love of Judaism. These services take place the LAST Friday night of the month both online and in person (in Sherman Oaks, CA) at 5:30pm PT/8:30pm ET. Register here!

 

THANK YOU!

You are a cherished member of this community and we love to hear from you-- what questions do you have? Reach out to rabbimiller@keepingitsacred.com or via phone at 818-312-8388 anytime to let us know what you’re finding meaningful, inspiring and what you’d like to see.

 

Together, we're #keepingitsacred...

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818-312-8388

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