WHAT DOES SUPPORT MEAN TO YOU? by Tracey Purvis |
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Do you ever look back on your life and think man, that feels like a lifetime ago? It’s interesting to me that although I feel like the “core” of me is the same, I am so different from who I was twenty, or even five years ago. My goals, dreams and priorities have changed, and my relationships with others, and myself, have grown and evolved. One of those changes is how I view support. Strange that as a nurse who based her career on supporting others, I viewed needing or wanting support as a weakness. And I don’t like feeling “weak”. The story I told myself is that I could do it on my own, I didn’t need anyone or their “help”, and I was “strong”. How foolish. |
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Family and friends, mentors, and coaches are all sources of support that I utilize in different areas of my life now. I’ve been enrolled in a coaching certification program for the last six months which has really ramped up my awareness of what support is and is not (advice giving is not by the way, unless it’s specifically requested) as well as what types of support I need when, and how to get what I need which ultimately helps me REALLY get what I want. And I’ve learned that the chosen support people like to support me. Shocking, right? It’s a win-win for everyone. |
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First, nobody can do everything alone. The most successful people, in whatever way you want to define success, have others in their corner, supporting them. The other thing I learned about support, perhaps the most important of all, is that asking and seeking support makes the journey better, rich with connection, contributing to a full, enhanced, juicier life. And don’t we all want that? |
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As I launch my own coaching business, I plan to discuss support with each of my clients. So, imagine, if you will, that you’re in a coaching session with me, being supported by me, and I ask “What does support mean to you? What type of support do you need to get what it is you REALLY want”? How would you answer? |
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THE HORRORS OF THE HALF-LIVED LIFE by Alain Dumonceaux |
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Wayne Dyer is one of my favourite authors and spiritual visionary. He was often heard quoting Moby Dick. “For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular place on Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half-lived life.” Moby Dick, Herman Melville. Dyer used this quote to challenge us about not dying with any music left inside. |
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For men, these horror’s are very real. When we're young we have dreams of taking on the world and doing great things with our lives. We get caught up in our masculine energy of doing, striving, thrusting and busyness. All of this energy is used to push and create the lives we dream of until one day we stop and look at what we have created and wonder is it all worth it? When you get to this place, we often find we are out of balance or as I like to call it misalignment. So, what can men do about this misalignment? Well, there are two challenges we need to overcome first. The first arises when we either don’t or can’t recognize we’re out of alignment until we run smack into a wall! Let me tell you, that dose of reality can bring an elephant to its knees. The second challenge is the aftermath. Far too many men don’t say anything instead they bottle it up inside with an end result that’s not very pleasant. Statistics Canada indicates that between 2012 and 2016 the number one leading cause of death in men between the ages of 25 and 44 is suicide and it’s the third leading cause between 45-54. |
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The underlying cause is depression. But there’s hope. Do a quick search on the net and you will find thousands of support groups and training for women. Why because women have figured out a long time ago that it’s a good thing to ask for help. Long gone are the days of guys sneaking in the back door to a self-help workshop or making excuses when their “caught” at a spiritual training or getting counselling. There’s a paradigm shift happening as men begin to rethink and shape the definition of masculinity. Men’s groups are one of those paradigm-shifting vehicles. It’s an opportunity for men to go to a place where they can feel safe to share their thoughts. Where there’s is no judgement, just support. In my work with men, we talk about the keys of creation (thoughts, words, actions and habits). How these keys interact with each other determines every outcome in our lives. As men begin to understand the interconnectedness of these keys they find their Tahiti and begin to fill their lives with purpose and meaning once again. |
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THE POWER OF SUPPORT by David Fyfe |
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We come from a society that places strong value on independence, doing things on your own, the “lone wolf” mentality. Asking for help is a sign of weakness, failure and may even be seen as cheating! This mentality is supported on a micro scale with family and friends as we feel pushed at a young age to get out in the world and stand on our own two feet and make our mark. The lone wolf is also reinforced on a macro scale by society at large, by media, movies and many of the figures and institutions we look up to! |
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In my personal journey I did not get this concept of reaching out for support until I was in my late 40’s, I had felt enough pain in relationship and family challenges that I finely became open to some outside help. This took the form of therapy and personal development courses and later on a network of great friends and family. I would LOVE to say it was smooth sailing, but it was a difficult path for me, I fought it for sure. I went through multiple therapists (6 to be exact) as I just could not find “the right fit”, and I started some personal development courses but when asked to take the NEXT level, I always had time money and integration excuses to stop me from growing. It took me about 3 years of fighting the process and myself before I finally understood there was more for me on the other side of this self-conflict! I became open to new information, more gentle and accepting of myself and others, and gained a deeper understanding of the old programs (Lone wolf for example) that were running all aspects of my life! Once I released some of these old ways of thinking my ability to reach out for support became significantly easier. Each time I reach out for support is an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of my world and grow.
“Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a TEAM OF PEOPLE.” – Steve Jobs |
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Many (if not all) successful people did not get there alone, they became successful because they not only spent time mastering their own internal resources, they also saw the value of reaching out and leveraging the right supports, for personal and professional wellbeing and growth! No one is great at everything, this idea that we are, is a recipe for failure in business and in life. Strong people are not the ones that go it alone at any cost; truly strong people are the ones not afraid to reach out for support when needed! Leveraging supports in your life is not only smart, it is a way to make your dreams plus other people’s dreams come true! By focusing on what we are great at, reaching out for support on some of things we are not so amazing at, we move faster at achieving our personal goals, we help others achieve theirs! It is truly win win! Next time you feel stuck in the mud, challenged and not knowing which way to turn, ask yourself; who can I reach out for the right support? Pluck up your courage; realize you may not have all the answers and take the plunge! Great things wait for you on the other side! |
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“Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.” – Les Brown |
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Tracey Purvis is a Registered Psychiatric Nurse with over twenty years experience, as well as a Life Coach, speaker and author. Her eBook Gratitude Reciprocates tells her story of overcoming a brain tumour and finding healing in a daily gratitude practice. Tracey’s coaching focuses on helping others live their best life. Get in touch with Tracey: tracey@traceypurvis.com www.traceypurvis.com | | |
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Alain Dumonceaux is a certified executive and life coach and is the founder of The Awakened Man a personal development company focused on re-engineering men’s lives through forging a new personal vision for each man so they can once again live a fulfilled life. Get in touch with Alain: alain@theawakenedman.net www.theawakenedman.net | | |
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Dave has extensive experience in sales, marketing and product design. He has spent the last 30 years building relevant marketing, designing timely products, and selling to some of the largest retailers in the world. He has built his personal brand and reputation as being a man of his word and represents and helps companies that build helpful and high quality products and services. Get in touch with Dave: info@hopefulbuilder.com www.hopefulbuilder.com | | |
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