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“In this midpoint, faith is our most effective tool.

I speak this as a spell and intention for my future Self.”

My queer witches. How’s your heart? What do you notice in your body when you check in with your heart? It’s not spring yet, but the daffodils are getting impatient. My heart joins with their hopeful enthusiasm, with the longing to put one more winter behind me. This is the time of year I put on my fleece-lined leggings and hike up to Brigid’s Well with a satchel full of snacks and magical trinkets. It’s not really a well… just some ruins of a lodge that burned to the ground in the twenties. But the water running off the mountain pools beautifully within the vibrant moss-covered bricks. Familiar plant friends grow all around the clearing. Brigid is my Queen Of Wands, my complex deity of water and fire, an equal armed cross where two elements intersect and open a portal of healing. I bring Brigid bread, beeswax, poetry and tears. I listen for messages from my nature kin whom might inspire faith. In this seasonal mid-point, faith is our most effective tool for turning the wheel just a bit more towards the light.

My own personal midpoint, this Imbolc season, is a mystery to me. My romantic partnerships/co-parenting relationships are changing and soon I will be a single parent again. This shift will bring energy increases and financial decreases. I'm bringing a lot of uncertainty to Brigid's well this year, but not a lot of fear. I've been through worse and I feel resilient. However, I’ve been longing for an inspiration of faith. Then, I read the newsletter of Eli The Gender Doula where he listed some hopes and dreams for the sake of “Speaking that as a spell and an intention for my future self!” And I felt inspired. So I wrote my own.

1. This Spring and Summer, I will be able to pay most of my bills through my Queer Conjure work. I speak this as a spell and intention for my future Self. 

2. This Spring and Summer, I will find housing that is sustainable, affordable and desirable. I speak this as a spell and intention for my future Self. 

3. This year, I will serve and facilitate the community of queerly traditional witches I have been longing for. I speak this as a spell and intention for my future Self. 

Journal Prompt: What will you speak as a spell and intention for your future self?

I am still offering 1:1 sessions but I've reduced my office hours temporarily. To accommodate this shift, I'm going to experiment with limited video-messaging with clients via the Marco Polo App. If you are trying to book a session through queerconjure.org but don't see a time that works for you- please email me! We will see if we can work out a flexible arrangement together.

BOOK OF THE MONTH:

The Witch's Book of Numbers by Rebecca Scolnick

Channeling by Ava

Winter is a time of self reflection, rest, and darkness. Our body needs space to replenish itself and bask in silence after constantly receiving information via the sun. Because capitalism pressures us to continue our 24 hour cycles the same way in each season, this season can bring about a lot of despair. We feel we are fighting our body’s natural rhythm. Even when we can’t hibernate the way we would like to, we are still physically experiencing the lack of light and information. In this dormancy our body prepares to regenerate, and now is the time we start seeing the signs of this rebirth. Each cycle of your life prepares you for a different aspect of yourself to be born and for other parts of yourself to die. 

This season the birth of “no” outside of dichotomy, from deep within my body, is what has shown up for me. I invite you to ponder this as well. A ‘no’ that doesn’t need to grow from a foundation of good/bad- right/wrong. I don’t mean these sensations of right and wrong don’t exist in your body, that would be discernment. I mean discernment functions differently in each body and there is no one true overarching judgment. The no I speak of is a no that comes from your core. This ‘no’ demands to be respected, without needing to prove a reasoning of why it is correct. As I have witnessed this ‘no’ bloom from my own body, I notice my mind propelling fear down my nervous system. I hear beliefs that say I must apologize or explain. Voices that say I must be missing something. My mind was taught it needs a reason, my mind was taught that certain ‘no’s’ inspire violence against my body. 

This violence comes from another mind who was taught that a ‘no’ from another which is a ‘yes’ for them, is a threat. I am starting to witness that a feeling of threat can be neutralized when my explanation for my ‘no’ is “my body just does not want this.” I can’t explain to you logically why, or maybe I can, but either way any reasoning does not seem as powerful as what my body needs right now to feel safe and listened to. I can’t say the experience of standing by your body’s decision is safe or listened to in every instance. My body is one with white skin and is occasionally cis passing, and I acknowledge that this affects my experience. This is an invitation to experiment with your body’s decision making if and when it feels safe and aligned for you. In my experience, decisions that  come from reason can change as one learns and grows or is influenced by another’s reason. Decisions from my body have never led me astray. 

If, at this moment, my body says it does not have the energy to do what I am told is best for it, then that is not what is best for it. What is best for my body will always be up for my body to decide. The mind is a helpful tool to understand larger systems and other people, even to categorize what my body is teaching me. My mind is not the ruler of my needs or my worth. My body is not angry that I am not a triathlon fitness model, my body is not angry that I don't want to leave my bed. My body is trying to tell me it needs something. Rest, love, laughte, peace, to be listened to. 

This winter has been a time of relearning the difference between the voice of mind and body via the guidance of spirit. As I bloom with the Earth, I am thrilled and terrified to see where this guides me.

To support Ava,

you can follow them on Instagram @avatheraven and venmo them @Ava-Schwartz-2

Jasper's Post-Script