July Newsletter

"The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence." Denis Waitley

Guiding Your Teens Through their Declaration of Independence!

We all know that the quest for independence peaks during the adolescent years.  During this time teens work hard to define who they are separate from their parents.  Milestones like going to high school, getting a driver’s license, or securing a first job can be exciting. But at the same time, your teen’s behaviors can become disturbing, hurtful, and disheartening. They can also really upset the harmony in your home.

 

First let me say you are not alone. Typical expressions of independence include- expressing opinions that are contrary to yours 24/7, testing to see if you will accept their sometimes outlandish opinions, pushing your buttons, blaming you for their poor decisions (Well if you hadn’t… I wouldn’t have…), talking back, and refusing to do chores or homework. Sound familiar?

 

I know you have heard it, read it, and read it again, but the prefrontal cortex part of your teen’s brain, the part responsible for planning, impulse control, and judgement, will not fully develop until they are 25. That is a long way off! So, here is what you can do in the meantime-

 

Relax-Find the balance between healthy and unhealthy expressions of independence and choose your battles. Allow more freedom of self-expression: clothing choices, hair color, body piercings, music, friends, how they spend their money. Concern yourself with signs of unhealthy expressions such as sudden changes in peer groups, severe mood swings, signs of drug use, a rapid decline in grades or isolating from the family.  

 

Loosen Your Grip and reflect on your parenting style- There are 4 types of parenting styles- Authoritarian, Permissive, Neglectful, and Authoritative (see the link below to read more about them). Research shows that the most successful parenting style is Authoritative, a style that is characterized by the following-

 

· Parents and teens solve problems together.

· Parents and teens set clear boundaries and natural consequences together.

· Parents and teens practice open communication.

 

Bring them into the conversation to create clear boundaries and consequences- Schedule times periodically to establish and revise clear boundaries and consequences around topics such as curfews, car use, time management, social media use, household chores and communication (check ins, plan changes etc). Mutually agree on these boundaries and consequences. Align natural consequences with specific boundaries.  Be willing to create goals/actions that will allow your teen to earn back your trust and freedoms when trust has been broken. You may want to consider using a Teen Responsibility/Privilege Contract (See Monthly Teen Tool) to help you do this.

 

Reach out to learn more about the many ways I can guide and support you and your teen on her road to independence ginnymoylan@findingyourfirefly.com

 
Clck here to learn more about the 4 Parenting Styles

Monthly Teen Tool

Teen Responsibility/

Privilege Contract

 

One tool that I have used with clients is the Responsibility/Privilege Contract from the Center For Parent and Teen Communication.

 

Give it a try with your teen and reach out if you could use support with this tool.

 

 
Click here to download a copy of this tool

UPCOMING EVENTS and SUMMER PROGRAMS

This summer, we invite you to join us for the Rise Up Middle School Girl Summer Empowerment Group. Each group session will include a yoga practice session, time to socialize freely, and a group life coaching session on topics including building self-confidence, making friends, and managing back to school stress and anxiety. Girls can sign up for 1, 2, or all 3 sessions. If you have any questions, please email ginnymoylan@findingyourfirefly.com. 

Space is limited to 16 girls per session.

 

NOTE- Our first session in June was a lot of fun. There are still 4 spots left for July and August!

 
Click Here to Register

Making the Transition from High School to College Group

 

I am looking for groups of 3 to 4 teens who want to participate in an accelerated, boot camp-style program to prepare for the transition from Middle School to High School or High School to College. 

 

The group will determine the specific topics for the sessions and mutually agree on the best times to meet. We can complete the sessions in a week, or over the course of a few weeks.

 

This is an opportunity for the girls to learn skills and shortcuts for easing their transition. They will also have the chance to participate in inspired conversations, learn from each other, and build a support network that they can rely on even though they may be attending different schools in the fall.

 
Reach out for more information

Making the Transition from Middle School to High School Group

 

I am looking for groups of 3 to 4 teens who want to participate in an accelerated, boot camp- style program to prepare for the transition from Middle School to High School or High School to College. 

 

The group will determine the specific topics for the sessions and mutually agree on the best times to meet. We can complete the sessions in a week, or over the course of a few weeks.

 

This is an opportunity for the girls to learn skills and shortcuts for easing their transition. They will also have the chance to participate in inspired conversations, learn from each other, and build a support network that they can rely on even though they may be attending different schools in the fall. 

 
Reach out for more information
Ginny Moylan- Certified Teen Wisdom™Inc Life Coach
860-324-1425

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