[Spring 2024 Edition]

New + Newsworthy

A Reminder to Look Around...

Reflection by Francine Apy 

 As an optimist, I'm always looking for the silver lining.

Can you recall an event, appointment, or occasion you were at exactly 23 years ago in March? I can! It was a rainy Saturday, in March 2001, and I walked into a clinic for blood work in Buffalo, NY, as part of my infertility protocol. Needless to say this was not an appointment I was looking forward to and I just wanted to get it over with and get on with my day. The waiting room was full and there was only one seat available.

Almost instantly, the woman I sat next to, Sandy, and I started talking. Quite honestly, we haven't stopped! We quickly learned that we were both the youngest of four sisters, had careers we enjoyed, happily married and had many supportive friends and family but, one thing we both wanted more than anything was to be a mom.

As the story goes, Sandy went on and was blessed with giving birth to three children and I was blessed, through adoption, with three children as well. Coincidentally, our first two children are only months apart and our youngest children are two years apart. Our family moved to another city, but that didn't hinder our friendship. We've enjoyed many solo mom trips, family vacations and many great celebrations with our husbands! More are being planned as I write this story. To this day, rarely a week goes by that Sandy and I don't talk on the phone. Conversations range from parenting, fashion, travel, nutrition, fitness, humor, and the list goes on!!

So the next time you find yourself somewhere you don't want to be, have a look around, you may just find a dear friend you would have never crossed paths with, if it weren't for that encounter.  

An Adoption Story Shared on My Website

Names have been changed
 

Sara and I got married in 2007, a little late to the game, already in our late 30s… I was 37 and Sara was 35. Like most couples who get married late in life, we were a little worried about having kids, obviously because the difficulty increases.
 

Our first, Emily, was born early at 34 weeks, a 4lb preemie in 2010. The pregnancy started out good but turned higher risk at the end. Sara ended up on bed rest due to low amniotic fluid, was admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks, and then delivered early. The cool thing was that one of the doctors that attended to us was her best friend from medical school, so that was very comforting.
 

After about a year or so we started trying to have another child and quickly realized that the level of difficulty increased exponentially. Sara was stressed out for months and months. Mornings driving back and forth to reproductive specialists down in Jersey, an hour, and a half away            at 4:00 am to get labs done and then go to work all day. It was exhausting and heartbreaking to get our hopes up, then to have them fade away time after time.
 

Sometime around 2015, 2016, we started thinking seriously about adoption. Friends of ours were familiar with the foster system and had adopted a child. We enrolled with the local Department of Social Services to start exploring this option further. We met a great bunch of people and took several required classes over the next few months. We were very grateful for our friends who were very supportive and helped us take care of Emily.
 

After finishing the course, we were certified to foster. That said, we were clear that we really wanted to adopt and being a foster parent was not something that we focused on. We had no idea what to expect, and we were a little bit surprised in the beginning when we didn't get any phone calls at all. Not even for respites or quick weekend coverage.
 

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was on or around January 9, 2017. I was the lead network engineer for a network rebuild. I think it was about 11:00 am and I was down in the main data center at the school district when my phone rang. I remember it being so loud since all of the servers and fans were running and the air conditioning blaring in my face. I think it had to be about 40° there, everybody was shivering and working. I figured I better go outside and take the call.
 

When I stepped outside and answered the phone, they immediately confirmed my identity and without wasting any time or small talk, immediately told me that the day before a new baby was born. They told me to listen carefully, that the birthmother immediately decided that she chose adoption for her child and wanted her to be adopted to a good home.

They asked me where I was and if I could get in touch with Sara. They needed an answer quickly. I'm not even sure what happened after that. I don't even remember saying goodbye. I think I just said OKAY and hung up the phone and immediately called Sara. She didn't answer, so I started frantically texting her. I kept calling her and she finally answered; we decided immediately yes at the same time, and then I quickly hung up with her and called DSS back and told them yes!
 

We had no idea what to expect. When all the paperwork was completed in the next few days, we were able to meet her, Lily, as everyone called her. She was a healthy baby girl, even though she had to be treated for an opioid addiction.
 

The crazy thing was, when you looked at Lily, even when she was a baby, she literally looked like our older daughter. The people at DSS told us that the speed in which this adoption took place almost never happens, maybe 1 in 10,000. After about 2 weeks in the hospital, after treatment for opioid addiction and an RSV outbreak, Lily was cleared to come home. We never had the opportunity to meet Lily’s birthmother.

We are blessed, and she was a pretty easy baby. Our daughter Emily had just turned 7 and was over the moon in love with being a big sister. She immediately fell right into the family, everybody was loving her up, including our dogs! Our oldest dog especially took to her, he was always trying to snuggle up next to her and protect her.
 

In the subsequent six months or so, all the legal obligations were met, and we felt like it was a Godsend that we were chosen to be the parents for Lily. Fast forward to now, 2024, Lily is 7 years old and thriving. She goes to gymnastics and Taekwondo and is in first grade and doing great. To this day we still can't believe all of this happened!

Bright Light Boutique

Here are a few of our favorite adoption-themed gifts, apparel, and jewelry. I created these products, that include my interpretation of the adoption symbol, a heart that is off-centered and not closed, as a way to emulate that love does not need to be perfect to be beautiful and if we keep our hearts open, allow love to come in, as well be open to the possibilities of new ideas and receiving support, that we can work through any situation that comes our way.

My hope is when someone sees someone wearing my products, with the adoption symbol, it sparks their curiosity to ask what the symbol means, what is SoulFilling, and opens up the conversation of adoption in a casual, conversational kind of way! Visit the Shop on the website to see our full line of products.

As many of you know, I recently self-published my mom's inspiring life story which has been a dream of my sisters and I for many years. Thank you to those who have already ordered copies, and to those who joined us in February for our Virtual Book Launch celebration!

I would be remiss in not giving a huge shout-out to Skidmore Professor Kate Graney and her student Kaitlin McQuade who interviewed my Mom and that's how this book came to life. Their compassion, their understanding of the history of Ukraine during WWII, as well as their overall beautiful hearts captured her story so beautifully. Thank you.

Our decision to donate profits from Dominica's Story to C.A.S.E. reflects my mom's desire to honor her story in a meaningful way, supporting the adoption community, since 8 of her 11 grandchildren were adopted. 

 My mission in creating SoulFilling was to help make the adoption conversation more mainstream and casual, at home and at school.

I am very excited to share that I wrote an adoption-themed children’s book which will be published this Spring!! "Brianna's Brave Day at School" is based on a true story that happened to one of my sons. I look forward to sharing all the details when this becomes available for purchase.

Join us for the Virtual Book Launch on April 18th!

Details will be shared on social media prior to this date.

Meet Some of Our SoulFillers!

This testimonial that Julia shares above is exactly the reason why I started SoulFilling!

Featured above is Christina Jacobs and her son Colton in their SoulFilling swag! Christina has been a key part of SoulFilling's marketing and communications efforts from the beginning and is celebrating her birthday on March 19th. I think she is one in a million and I hope she is treated like a princess all day! Happy birthday, Christina!

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, here is a gentle reminder that our good fortune in life is largely the result of our attitude, our outlook, and how we choose to respond to the circumstances we're presented with.

Many blessings to you this season. Thank you for being part of the SoulFilling community!

~Shine on, Francine~