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Hi there!

Welcome to Oli’s world! Whether driven by curiosity or by need, we’re excited that you have joined our growing community of parents and carers who value a more inclusive future for their children. We know that parenting is the world’s most rewarding job, but, let’s face it, also the most challenging one at times. That’s where we come in.

We are here to help the many parents and caregivers who struggle to cope with a child’s diverse behavioural traits. Many children struggle socially and emotionally, limiting them in life, simply because they think in a different way to their neurotypical peers. However, their diverse thinking can in fact become a superpower as they grow up. Oli help understands these children, so we are able to significantly improve family time by facilitating more harmonious interactions between parents and their children.

We are building the tools to empower parents to create a transformative impact on their children’s lives, helping them to thrive with diverse minds. In the meantime, with our newsletters, our aim is to provide you with access to expert information and knowledge to help make sense of young diverse minds, as well as practical advice to do things differently, helping you evolve your own behavioural patterns.

Our fifth newsletter is about calming anxiety and how you can become highly effective at it with daily practice.

In our last newsletter, we talked about anxiety and what it does to our body and brain (if you haven’t yet read it, you can link to it here). We promised we would follow up with an effective tool to calm anxiety, so here we are! In this fifth newsletter we want you to take away a few important points:

Breathing can be a really powerful tool to counter anxiety for parents and children alike. 

When we get into an anxious state, we feel unsafe and our brain triggers panic responses. 

To regain control, we can practise diaphragmatic breathing by inhaling slowly through the nose, allowing the belly to expand. 

This signals safety to the body and reduces stress chemicals. 

Two techniques are suggested: (1) even inbreath and outbreath or (2) the box breath method. 

We suggest you try them both for some time to work out the one that works best for you.

Practising these techniques daily at neutral times is essential to internalise the skill and be able to apply it effectively during anxious states.

Your grandmother was right! “Take a deep breath” is actually really good advice.

You might remember that when we don’t feel safe, our brains instantly and automatically interpret the situation as mortally dangerous. Our bodies react accordingly by making physical and chemical changes to keep us alive – even if there is no actual danger – which then feeds back to the brain that we’re in trouble, thereby creating a feedback loop of acute panic and hyperarousal in the body and brain. Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself or helplessly watched this happen to your child? If so, you know how excruciating and scary the experience is. 

The good news is there is something we can do to short circuit this vicious cycle. And it’s free and extremely portable. It’s … breathing! Yes, yes, your grandmother was right. “Take a deep breath” is actually really good advice. It’s simple but surprisingly not that easy, not at least until you learn to do it correctly. You hear this advice all the time, so much so that it’s quite trite. But before you roll your eyes and close this newsletter, hear us out. Many people don’t find relief by using the breath simply because they don’t understand what exactly to do or why they are even doing it.  

When the brain and body are in an anxious state, no amount of explaining or logic will help.

When the brain and body are in their death spiral of a feedback loop, the part of the brain called the limbic system (the amygdala is part of this) is in charge and calling the shots. And as a consequence, the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is offline and receives no WiFi signal. None. (You can learn more about the importance of the PFC in the newsletter linked here). The amygdala and the PFC do not co-function. 
 

Under normal circumstances, the PFC – the CEO of the brain – is in control and is what enables us to think logically, regulate our emotions, and generally keep us functioning as relatively reasonable people. You can think of it as the part of the brain that separates us from other mammals. But when we sense danger (real or imagined), the amygdala launches an instantaneous coup, and the PFC is rendered powerless. As such, logic means nothing. When we or our children are in an anxious state, no amount of explaining, coaxing, describing, or any other form of logic-ing is going to help us, because that part of the brain is being held hostage.

Breathing slowly, smoothly, steadily and in through the nose can do wonders, but you need to do it right.

So, we need to rescue the PFC from the tyranny of the amygdala and get it back to power so we can function logically and harmoniously once again. This is where the breath comes in. As discussed in the previous newsletter, the amygdala’s response causes all sorts of powerful reactions in our body and brain, so we need to counteract that process and restore ourselves to a calmer state. In the anxious state, our heart is pumping hard and fast and our breathing is therefore short, sharp, and shallow, and usually through our mouths. We need to do the opposite: breathe slowly, smoothly, steadily, and in through the nose. The fancy term is diaphragmatic breathing. When we take a big breath of air in through the nose, the lungs fill up, which pushes the diaphragm – the thin dome-shaped muscle between your lungs and abdomen – down, which then forces your belly to push outward. That’s why it can also be called belly breathing. You want to see the belly inflate. 

When we breathe in slowly, smoothly, steadily and in through the nose, it signals to our body that we are safe. We don’t breathe like this when we are running or fighting for our lives! After a few rounds of this type of breathing, your blood gases begin to rebalance, which sends positive signals to the brain that the danger has passed. This triggers the body to decrease and eventually cease producing the stress chemicals, (e.g., adrenaline and cortisol), which then calms the heart rate, and soon a more virtuous cycle is created, allowing the body to fall into a more relaxed state. This process may take ten breaths or ten minutes, depending on the circumstances, but it definitely works if done properly.

Diaphragmatic breathing is a proven solution: try one of two methods for some time to work out your preferred one.

So, what is the proper way to do diaphragmatic breathing? The first thing to note is that it’s important to inhale through the nose, as this dramatically increases the body’s ability to calm itself down. There are two techniques that you can try yourself or teach your children. 
 

The first is engaging in a process of even inbreath and outbreath: Lightly close the mouth, and take a deep breath in through the nose slowly, smoothly, and steadily while your lungs and belly fill up for a count of four, then exhale out through the nose for the same count of four gently pushing the belly back toward the spine until the lungs are empty. And repeat. It’s important that the lungs and belly inflate as you inhale. The shoulders should not get involved! Surprisingly, it takes some practice to get the hang of it but we've created a video for you to do just that! (see below)

The second method is called box breath (even the Navy SEALs practise this one for help in stressful situations!): inhale through the nose for a count of four like before, hold the breath for a count of four, exhale for a count of four like before, hold the breath out for four. And repeat. Practice yourself with the video below.

Unfortunately breathing requires regular practice in a neutral state to be effective in an anxious state.

The best path to success is to practise these techniques frequently (ideally, every day) at neutral times, such as when you’re watching TV or getting dressed. Try to practise both skills (or have your children practise them) at least 10 breaths each, every day for several days, and soon you will likely have a preferred method. Continue with that preferred method every day at neutral times. In this way, you can rehearse the techniques when you’re feeling fine in a low stakes situation in order to internalise them and hone the skills without pressure. Practising at neutral times also makes it more likely that you will indeed remember to use this skill when you’re actually anxious and literally can’t think clearly. Think about this as any other skill you have ever tried to learn. You wouldn’t learn to drive on the motorway! You practise on quiet country lanes and in car parks, where there is less pressure and the stakes are lower. 

We suggest giving it a go by yourself to see how it works for you. At the very least, you will have learned a very powerful, free, portable skill that works for you in any stressful or anxiety situation, especially in those extra challenging parenting ones! We think you all know what we’re talking about here… and bonus points for being able to teach this to and model this for your amazing (and challenging!) little one. Let us know how you get on. 
 

Happy breathing!

If you enjoyed our newsletter, let us know and invite a friend to subscribe.

Have a question? Have some feedback? Want to share what’s on your mind? Contact us directly on info@olihelp.com as we’d love to hear from you.
 

Love,

The Oli help team

Our newsletters are written with the contribution of the clinicians in our team and backed by evidence-based research. We are not a substitute for clinical or medical advice, we’re here to help you make sense of kids’ diverse minds and help you evolve your own behavioural patterns.