welcome

Ugh.

I know that's not exactly a conventional greeting, but it's how we're all feeling really, isn't it? Like...ugh. I know. It's cold, it's dreary, and while people in America are cruising to Disneyland, those in Perth wonder if 30K people in a stadium is enough, here in Melbourne, we're back to iso life after a taste of freedom:

It's harder. Like my bff Vivian says in Pretty Woman, you can change, but you can't change back. I mean, we have to, so it doesn't really make sense, but you feel. Life is cancelled. My b'day was meant to be sitting in an igloo ordering overpriced cheese, but was instead spent on the couch introducing my weary husband Will to my vocal chops during our Musical Afternoon In! He lucky. He almost got into it. That, and weirdly, Bridget Jones. As in, he needed to get a glass of water and asked me to pause so he wouldn't miss a moment, and insisted on watching the sequel. But iso has made us all a bit...off. Even cool, calm and collected moi. But hey, when you're made redundant in the midst of a pandemic and you're at home with nothing but your internet connection, you get strange and start thinking about weird shit: 

Anyway. This month, I've got the wrap on fashion in film (since there ain't none in the streets), totally biased tv recommendations, and a whammy of a fun competition for our Bachie fans. Let's go!

film and tv

Just like Karen from Brighton, I feel like I have done the TV of Melbourne. If you're unsure with what to watch, previously we chatted about the Top 20 Show of 2020, Part I (is it not okay that I've almost finished Part II already? I love TV!) If you're looking for something happy, fun, and fashion where you can still judge people comfortably from the realms of your crumb-laden couch, may I present a review on one of my top favs of the year:

dear miss. maple

Dear Miss. Maple, 

Is there a way you can give us some tips on how to train and better control humans?

Signed, 

RM

Dear RM,

Look, most definitely. The trick is to start small with your mind control, and work your way up. Sympathy = strong. Forlorn glances. Whimpers of despair. It's also important to let people know pretty quickly who the boss is around here. For me, I started by commanding the couch the moment my humans got me, taking their food, then stealing their affections for one another, and now? Well, I'm famous, with multiple sponsored posts for my blowout 60 followers. The humans even bought me an outfit from the human section now that I am an influencerrr and the real breadwinner around here. Next stop: World Domination. 

Signed,

Miss. Maple aka Bo$$ Bitch

fashun corner

All my fashion blogs I normally turn to are empty. Awards Shows, Movie Premieres, where you at? We've gotten despo. They're doing retrospectives, Runway to Red Carpet, Best Ofs- hey, I'm all for it. Good to look at something besides my stain-ridden jumper I've worn for four days. All I've been doing is watching lots of tv. So it got me thinking, how can I combine the two? Ooh. I know! Presenting: 

what the f*ck does a ... actually do? 

Who are you and what do you do?

I work for Red Nose executing major campaigns. I deal with the planning, logistics, stakeholder relationships and all the other fiddly bits that go into making a major fundraising or awareness campaign successful.

Don't get it. Explain in more detail, what does that mean? Like, okay it's 9am and...

[pre-covid] everyone else is leaving their desks to go across the road for coffee, giving me a chance to catch up on current events (read: sports highlights).

[during covid] I am just hopping into the shower before heading downstairs to my desk for another glorious day in isolation.

Do you like it? What’s good and bad about it?

Being a part of such a small team in a relatively large not-for-profit you get to learn a lot about different aspects of the organisation and work on a range of different campaigns across the country. Meeting and engaging with passionate supporters and being able to see the direct results of your work through the bereavement and education support services is incredibly rewarding. Being in a small team (especially at the moment) means there is a lot to do and not a lot of resources available to do it. There is also no other Carlton fans at work which is very disappointing.

What kind of person should do it?

Someone who is organised, enjoys research and getting a lot out of a little.

Want your career featured? Yay froth that for you! Let us know below!

how we first met 

Featuring stories around the world of how a love story began - romances, friendships, and everything in between.

A story that some would call a Jewish grandmother's wet dream. 

It all started at a Bar Mitzvah in May 2006. After being briefly introduced to each other by a mutual friend, Gabbi and Jason found that they were assigned to the same table. They decided to sit next to each other, however, they initially kept to themselves. Only after some cheeky smiles and fingers touching under the table, the pair began chatting away. Gabbi then immediately went in and put her fork into Jason's...potatoes, they were, quote "lovely and soft that night and perfectly seasoned". 

As Gabbi's excitement grew, she felt compelled to share that with her mum that she was sitting next to a "really cute guy". Her mum, just as excited as Gabbi, advised her to make the first move. As the night went on, the two exchanged numbers as well as a cheeky pash out the front. 

Fast forward to the year 2013, where Jason proposed to Gabbi in New York with bagels shaped into letters spelling 'Marry Me?' 

The two have been happily married for over five years with one baby and another that just arrived!

Got a good HWFM story? Amaze, we wanna know! 

activities, yay!

Guys, this one is good. We have outdone ourselves. Back pats all round. Okay enough self praise, I can't see my mum so need to do it myself. A competition be brewing, LALers, and we want YOU to be part of it! Best part (espesh for my fellow Jews) It's free!

Follow our socials to find out how you can tip and WIN for the next season of The Bachelor AU!

jewish finance chat

That was a good segway, wasn't it? This end of financial year, your fav two Jews that aren't from Broad City have been talking money cos, well...(hold your jokes...) Also, I thought I was getting $12K and ended up with $32 (legit), but that's why I ask about money, and don't handle it for other people. Anyway. Specifically, we were looking at the dolla-dolla signs before tax time, and I got nosy and asked a bunch of you How You Share Money. From 50/50 shampoo to All In, we all do this differently. Fascinating. Also, I need an offshore bank account, stat. Back on the podcast, we talked about the subtle signs someone is ca$hed up. We're not talking a house in Beverley Hills and Rolls Royce. Subtle. Like...the branded Dunkaroos at recess, or an ice dispenser in the fridge. Richhh. We loved your responses, so find out if you were featured and add your comments! Finally, don't forget to listen to our podcast featuring Group FB chat, which drops every Tuesday here.

cute af

This month's Cute AF is little Ava, 2, super-excited about her new birthday scooter. Zoom Zoom!

ranting and raving

This month, I'm annoyed with: Myself, for not getting my eyebrows done before being back in captivity. Caterpillars be gone! 
Loving:  Those new vegan choc-raspberry choc-tops I was banging on about at Classic Cinemas. Can't wait to return! Plus, as my Jewish mum says, they are 'healthy', and I am a 'growing girl'.
Hating: How slow mail is atm. Like, I know they're doing their best, but it's hard for those of us who forget to buy gifts and do it frantically last minute via post only for it to arrive three months later. Help a lazy girl out!

quote of the month

Thanks for this hilarious submission from fan Ali. A serious question from Bryan in Melbourne: 

Until next time!