My name is Jeannine and I have anticipatory anxiety. I worry about future stuff and exert a lot of energy thinking through all possible scenarios so I can prepare for all potential outcomes. You won’t catch me worrying too much about what’s already happened - my focus is on what’s coming and what-ifs.
This photo perfectly illustrates this type of anxiety in action. That’s my kitchen table piled with over 10 pounds of backpack supplies that I carried on my 12-Hour Walk a few weeks ago. I was prepared for just about anything - especially the forecasted rainy weather I was dreading.
What’s the point of worrying about what hasn’t yet happened (and may not happen)? Control. If we anticipate the potential outcomes and then do something in the present moment to prepare for, mitigate, or to avoid those outcomes then we have the illusion of being in control of future events which temporarily relieves our anxiety.
But the problem is we can’t control what happens. Did I feel better having packed everything but the kitchen sink in my backpack for the walk? Yes. Did I need or use most of it? No. Would it have been catastrophic if I had left out something that I needed? No.
What I got for all my worrying was a pervasive “angsty” feeling that messed with my sleep and mood in the weeks leading up to the walk. It reminded me of worrying about my kids when they were students – lots of what-iffing followed by sleepless nights, and intense micromanaging.
My recent thoughts have been focused on trying to better understand my anticipatory anxiety - both its benefits and drawbacks. I've discovered it manifests when I feel like I need more control over future uncertainties. The 12-Hour Walk scared me and made me fall back into the micromanagement mode that I’ve fought so hard to break free from as a parent. I tried to control every aspect of this experience to relieve my anxiety just like I did when I was trying to micromanage my kids’ lives.
We all have a default worry style that we're predisposed to using. I have friends and family who can’t relate to my anticipatory worry and are more inclined to fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants and deal with stuff as it comes up in the present moment. They spend more time worrying about what’s already happened in the past or how to address consequences in the present.
What’s your worry style? Consider giving some thought to this question and see if you can recognize how it’s helpful or harmful to you and your relationships. And, if you feel that your anxiety is negatively impacting or interfering with your daily functioning and wellness, consider talking to your primary care physician about an anxiety screening. Remember it's okay to not be okay, but anxiety responds well to treatments and isn't something we need to "tough out" or power through. Be kind to yourself.
Be well. Be safe. Be hopeful.
P.S.
I journaled my 12-Hour Walk experience with a series of short videos that I’m sharing exclusively with my subscribers. You can watch them here.
P.P.S.
The universe is sublimely artful. Less than a week after my walk, I suffered a head-injury (concussion and stitches) while exercising. Accidents are unexpected and don't offer an opportunity to anticipate or prepare for the outcome. My injury left me with no control over life for a while – work, screens, exercise, driving were (without warning) taken away. Leaving me with more time to think about anticipatory anxiety. Ironic.
