MAY 2021 - TRANSPARENCY

This month in Couples and Money, I want to focus on transparency. Something I hear too often, "I had no idea how much debt we were in."  Now I am not here to tell you how to run your relationship, but I want to make sure you have the "tools" to make decisions that work for you and your partner.

 

If you share a bathroom and are transparent with all that encompasses, why not your finances? Are they really any more intimate?

 

If you regularly read our newsletters, you will know we covered a lot of this topic in our last Couples and Money newsletter. If you are new, I encourage you to look at our Couples and Money archives and read them.   

 

What we will be focusing on in this newsletter are the "after" situations. As I always stress, knowledge is power, so I hope by understanding "what happens after a relationship" you'll know how to make your relationship and money work to avoid any disasters.  

 

First, what is transparency?  As defined by MW Dictionary

 

2a: free from pretense or deceit: frank

b: easily detected or seen through obvious

c: readily understood

d: characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices

 

At face value, is there anything wrong with any of these statements? 

 

"My spouse always took care of the finances." 

 

"They were always better at dealing with money." 

 

"I did so, and so as my contribution to the relationship."

 

No, none of these statements are wrong. They are examples of a choice that someone made. But are they financially transparent?  

 

A more open, transparent statement might look like,

 

"My spouse always took care of the finances, but we would go over them together monthly, so I was aware of our spending." 

 

"They were always better at dealing with money. So we would review our accounts together with our accountant so that I could understand the bigger picture better." 

 

"I did so, and so as my contribution to the relationship. We arranged personal allowances for each other and reviewed our finances every quarter."

 

Let's look at this another way. Would you have elective surgery without knowing the risk, procedure, who the doctor is, or what it might cost? I am guessing not.  

 

Now, does that mean you're expected to perform your surgery? No. But you wish a level of transparency to understand or, as we say at Money Management Counselors, have the "tools" in your toolbox to make sound decisions about the procedure.  

 

Just because you're not doing the surgery on yourself, does that mean you don't have to do the post-surgery treatments, therapies, or take medications for a speedy recovery. NO, that still falls on you. Just because one of you is better at finances, or split these responsibilities, does not mean you should not have transparency on what is going on with your finances. 

 

Nor does that mean just because you're in love and everything is right with the world, you shouldn't know what each of you is bringing financially to the relationship.   

 

"I had no idea how much debt they had until after we were married." is another dilemma I see many couples face. I stand on my bathroom argument. Are finances more intimate? 

 

We hope this month's tools give you some insight on how to keep you and your partner on a transparent path to financial wellness together now and in the future.

 

For it's never JUST about the money...

 

Elbow bumps, 

Leslie Boden

Director

Link to: Archived Couples and Money Newsletters

"Don’t fight about money because after you’ve said mean things to each other, the amount of money in the bank will be the same" 

                                                                                    – Anonymous

 

Does Marriage Make You Responsible for Your Partner's Debt?

Tying the Knot Doesn't Necessarily Mean Entangling Your Debts

by Rebecca Lake

 
ARTICLE
 

What If My Spouse Lies to Me About the Finances?

by Miriam Caldwell

 
ARTICLE

The Heart of Money: A Couple's Guide to Creating True Financial Intimacy 

by Deborah Price 

 

- learn the language of financial intimacy and talk about money in a healthy and empowering way
- recognize and change unhealthy money patterns
- identify which of the eight money types apply to each of you and understand the impact they have on your life, your relationship, and your finances
-  build a mutual sense of financial security and confidence
- work through setbacks and challenges to make your relationship stronger than ever before

 
available on Amazon
 

Who Is Responsible for Credit Card Debt in a Divorce?

By Allison Martin - Experian

 
ARTICLE
 

What Happens to Your Debt When You Die?

intuit mint/life

 
ARTICLE

Business Debt In Divorce: What You Should Know

Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock  Contributor

ARTICLE (VIDEO BELOW)
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Men, Women, & Money Curriculum Kit: A Couples' Guide to Navigating Money Better, Together 

by Shaunti Feldhahn, Jeff Feldhahn), brightpeak® 

 

Money and relationships can be messy. Couples aren't taught how to talk about money, but more than that, they aren't taught that money isn't just about numbers. Our beliefs, values, experiences, and emotions all play a huge role in how we view and handle money.

Getting in sync with their partner is the first step toward having good conversations about money. However, that's made even more difficult by the fact that men and women often handle money differently.

available on Amazon
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920-743-1862

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