I haven't written a newsletter like this in a while, but I feel compelled to speak.
In the wake of the shooting in Buffalo, NY and then the shooting in Uvalde, TX, and the stepping back of a female bodied person's autonomy over their own body, I am slowly finding my words, my why, my action. We all have a part to play, and that will look different for each of us. But it is important work.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. And do the work. Do the hard work of allowing yourself to feel. Do the hard work of asking yourself what your part of being the solution looks like. And also the hard work of acknowledging ways in which you contribute to the problem. Me personally… I’m moving through the waves of grief and anger. And I am doing this by getting outside. By shaking and dancing and moving my body. By crying. By allowing myself space. By eating the foods that remind me of my childhood, by reading the books of my childhood that shaped who I am today. By reminding myself of the strength and the love of my ancestors who come before me, and the responsibility I have to those yet to come.
How do we do this to each other? Allowing senseless shootings to continue by refusing to pass sensible gun laws? Taking autonomy of the female body away? That a person can buy a military grade weapon in parts of the united states with no questions asked, no background check, no training required, but a female bodied person needs parental permission, a note from a doctor saying they understand what they are about to do, a mandatory 48 hour waiting period to make sure their conscious can live with their decision... Yet no female has ever killed a room full of people in seconds by choosing to terminate a pregnancy. What are we doing?
Allowing ourselves to be divided enough to see another human so much as Other that we can dehumanize them to the point of committing murder? And I have to ask, what has to happen to an individual that they can feel so isolated and angry and without empathy to kill their own grandmother and then innocent children and teachers?
And this is part of my why. This is part of why I choose kindness. This is part of why I believe in the random acts of compassion to a stranger could be be the act that makes them feel there might be a better way. This is why I choose to make eye contact with the cashier at my local grocery store, the toll booth worker, the bus driver, the person without a home. This is why I smile at the perhaps nonsensical words of the local crazy, and on the days where I have the internal resources I offer a helping hand.
And this is why I hold healing space for my clients, so they can walk through the world a little more whole, with a little more compassion for themselves and others.
This is why I wrestle with the relationships with people who I don’t necessarily see eye to eye with, but whom my life has been inextricably intertwined with. And I listen to their story. And I also tell mine. And I understand we may not ever agree but I will still be kind to them. Because if the day comes where either of us have to make a choice between the other and a differing belief I believe we will remember that kindness.
And yes, it doesn’t feel like enough. And some days I wish I were more of an activist or an organizer, or had an inclination for politics…but I remind myself to be kind to myself. I find little ways to support those doing that important work. I make my donation to the Sandy Hook Promise and choose the monthly option this time. And I say that publicly because as someone who is not wealthy, and can fall into money scarcity mindset, I have been working to change the belief within myself that I do not have enough to share. Because I have more than many, and it is important for me to recognize that privilege. Failure to recognize the family and community safety net that I have is one way I can be part of the problem. I can pay $10 a month to Sandy Hook Promise to support those who organize and teach us to recognize the signs. And I encourage you to think about what you can give to support others doing important work.
Find your small piece of the puzzle that speaks to you. The cause that speaks to you. The way to make a difference that speaks to you. And be kind to to each other and yourself as we all navigate this. These are not easy questions. These are not easy times.
Do what you need to take care of yourself and then ask what is your part in this? How are you contributing to the problem? How can you contribute to the solution? What gifts and resources do you have to offer?
And, in between feeling the hard make room for the joy and play. Because that is important too.
