So the mid-month newsletter is a first for me… 

And I came close to not sending one at all.  

But, I am likely going to send one mid-month next month after I return from my workshop at Haystack Mountain School of Crafts.  I am becoming more and more nervous.  I will be away for two whole weeks, with limited cell service, doing something I have always wanted, and being at a place I’ve always dreamed about.  I’m honestly really scared.  

Receiving the BIPOC Fellowship at Haystack was a huge success for me in my art career.  I try to apply to things I really want and am passionate about, and sometimes–actually a lot of the times-I get rejected.  Being one of the 26 accepted fellows out of 106 applicants is so wild to me.  I am so honored to be able to push my art in a new, guided direction through this workshop.  

One thing my daily practice has shown me is that when you’re doing something consistently for so long, it’s surprisingly hard to see your growth and accomplishments.  Because it’s all about showing up, using my muscles, putting a mark to a surface each day, and trusting that on the 365th day I will see this remarkable journey.  

Admittedly, this month is the first month I have been really loose with that goal of making a mark each day.  I’m realizing that I need to rest when I am already being pulled in several directions, that sometimes rest is a good thing for the work, that the few days away give me time to collect ideas and images, and that this practice is more so about seeing my life through art over the course of 2022.  A documentation, a record of myself moving through life despite a lot of reasons to give up. I am also reminded that I need to sit down and reflect on this work I have been making for six months.  It’s hard to see your own successes when you make no time to celebrate them.  

This will be my first time ever at Haystack, first time away from my life completely on my own, and first time with the opportunity to be away with the focus on my art.  I cannot say this enough–mainly to just let it out–but I am TERRIFIED! Maybe if I say it, I can let some of that fear go.  Maybe if I let it go, I can make room to celebrate my accomplishments.  

In the Saco Biddeford Savings interview with Krysteana Scribner from January, she asked me how I define "success." I said that success is being able to see myself grow.  Success is a wall full of paintings and a full sketchbook.  It is creating without fear of what others might think.  Success is following your own pulse to create, and never giving up on that.   Success is my own ability to embrace vulnerability and having the courage to share it. 

I can say that this month I did in fact finish a sketchbook, made two more by hand, started this wonderful accordion book daily painting journey that I can spiral around myself or twirl in the wind at the end of the month, hung up two completed paintings on my wall, fell in love with the beauty of ferns, saw the amazing Phoebe Bridgers and sung and laughed and cried with my friends, enjoyed the sun and beginning of summer breezes on my skin, started writing again, bought myself a kayak, saw a Baltimore Oriole, and am here right now.  

Thanks for reading if you got this far and I will be back sometime in July.  

Enjoy these sunny days, and the gray ones, too. 

<3 Raquel