'Tis the season to celebrate meaningfulness! The MW Newsletter aims to bring substance and insight to your life. Enjoy the long-form content over a nice cup of tea or coffee! If you're not subscribed to our mailing list, you can do so below. You can also join the conversation in our dedicated LinkedIn group and use the Archive to check out past newsletters on perennial topics, such as wellbeing, distraction, courage, and happiness. Dr Todd Mei Editor & Founder of Philosophy2u |
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Content for December 2023 Our focus this month is Vulnerability. What Is Vulnerability? Practice: Navigating Vulnerability Hangovers Ideation: Vulnerability as a Virtue Guest Column: Resolving and Restoring Relationships by Vera Naputi, Jessica Ceballos De Santiago, Gigi Rodriguez, and Justin Russell
~ “[S]ome of what I witness youth feeling is troubling and painful, and while they can be quick to keep it moving, I am struck by the impact of the conflicts they carry.” |
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What Is Vulnerability? “Vulnerability is a necessary background condition of certain human goods: thus, anyone who loves a child makes herself vulnerable, and the love of a child is a genuine human good.”
Martha Nussbaum, The Fragility of Goodness * * * * *
Vulnerability originally meant the human susceptibility to being wounded, hurt, or injured (vulnerabilis). As it’s really in no one’s best interest to be injured or hurt – physically, emotionally, or psychologically – it’s no surprise that a great deal of philosophy and religion preoccupy themselves with attaining some level of invulnerability.
Within the history of ideas, the search for immortality, autonomy, self-sufficiency, self-control, and even certainty or incorrigible knowledge can each be derived from the uniquely human desire to be removed from, or transcend, their vulnerable, mortal condition. Feminist philosophers have called out the Western tradition’s narrow focus on overcoming vulnerability since it tends to over-emphasize some ideal (and often unattainable state) at the cost of neglecting the experience, understanding, and appreciation of “the here and now”. This tension is captured by the philosophical dichotomy of transcendence-immanence. In the world of business, you might recognize the preoccupation with invulnerability and transcendence in terms of “old school” leadership, where leaders act as if they are one-of-a-kind and in possession of some esoteric or highly advanced knowledge. More often than not, this style of leadership quickly becomes toxic for its inability to promote open, transparent, and empathetic discussion. In fact, communication is another great example. An “invulnerable” style of communication is very much top-down, as it is dictated by higher-ups. Some salient points and strategies may be relayed, but the lines of communication are unilateral – feeding down with little opportunity for response from others. A “vulnerable” style of communication focuses on creating a constructive and respectful space in which discussion and critical pushback can be articulated and heard. Saying is not enough. What is said needs a channel grounded in an organization’s cognitive and imaginative sphere of reflection. Invulnerable/vulnerable. It does not have to be an either/or. No doubt, finding a happy medium generates a hybrid version of communication that can give direction and take direction “from below”. |
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Practice: Navigating Vulnerability Hangovers The narrative around vulnerability has evolved significantly over the years. Traditionally, displaying vulnerability was viewed as a sign of weakness, something leaders were expected to conceal. However, a shift in perspective has shown that leaders who embrace vulnerability, admitting when they don't have all the answers, foster a stronger connection with their teams. When leaders acknowledge their limitations and seek support, it creates a dynamic where others are more inclined to step up and contribute. This counterintuitive approach stands in stark contrast to the traditional hero-leader model, where people wait for directives. Research indicates that a leader's vulnerability can trigger a collaborative response, creating a more engaged and supportive work environment. Introducing the Vulnerability Hangover Now, let's talk about the aftermath of vulnerability — the vulnerability hangover. Much like the physical toll of an alcohol-induced hangover, putting yourself out there emotionally can leave you feeling drained and exposed in the days that follow. |
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Imagine the aftermath of a job interview, a significant presentation, or organizing a crucial event. Even if the experience was positive, the vulnerability hangover may set in, urging you to retreat and recharge. This phenomenon is an unspoken reality for many, especially those in emotionally demanding professions such as mental health. Coping Strategies: Recognize, Communicate, Recharge If you resonate with the vulnerability hangover, here are three strategies to navigate it: Recognition is Key Acknowledge and identify when vulnerability hangovers occur in your life. Understanding this pattern can help you plan for recovery and manage your emotional well-being effectively. Communicate Your Needs Let others know that you might need some downtime after a particularly vulnerable experience. This isn't about avoiding them; it's a necessary step for your emotional recovery. Most people will understand and appreciate your honesty. Discover Your Recharge Ritual Everyone has unique ways to recharge. Whether it's reading a book, going for a walk, or spending time by the sea, find what refills your emotional cup. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and a sense of rejuvenation.
Conclusion: Self-Care for Sustainable Living In essence, vulnerability hangovers are a reminder that emotional well-being requires intentional care. Recognizing, communicating, and recharging are crucial components of a self-care routine. By understanding and embracing vulnerability, we not only foster stronger connections but also pave the way for a more sustainable and fulfilling life. ~ I'd love to hear your thoughts. Does the concept of vulnerability hangovers resonate with you? How do you navigate and recharge after moments of vulnerability? Share your experiences, and let's continue this conversation. Joseph Smart OD&D Consultant, Smart Joseph Consulting joe@smartjoseph.com |
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Ideation: Vulnerability as a Virtue Virtues are intellectual or character traits that enable us to achieve those goods which our community, culture, or even organization deems praiseworthy. Furthermore, possession of virtues is good in themselves; they are not just good as a means of achieving what is praiseworthy. In point of fact: when we praise a person for being virtuous, we praise the person for possessing those virtues we have in mind; we don’t praise them for achieving specific ends. A virtuous person can be so even if they fail to achieve a desired outcome. So how can vulnerability be a virtue? And, how does this matter to organizations? Perhaps also of Interest: Who Needs Virtues? The key to understanding vulnerability as a virtue lies in defining it as a form of openness and hospitality. These ideas come from the rich existential philosophy of Gabriel Marcel (1889-1973), who was very much a critic of the transcendent style of thinking mentioned at the beginning of this newsletter. |
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In being open, one makes oneself available to the other person. To admit someone into the sphere of personal and conversational space is a way of being vulnerable. You are in the role of active listening which, unlike passive listening, requires engagement and response. You might not think about this way, but putting yourself in the position of respondent is making yourself vulnerable. You’re committing yourself to another in some way; you’re even opening yourself up to a response from the other person — criticism, praise, accusation, or confession. Perhaps also of Interest: A Strategy for Hard Conversations? When organizations can create spaces for openness and availability, they not only enable teams to communicate more clearly, but they instill a reflective, problem-solving momentum based on the ability to listen — not simply to react or to be apathetic. And this holds true from the top down. Some of the best leaders whom I have encountered have a vulnerable, or genuinely open, side in how they engage with others. At the very least, when done aptly it instills a sense of loyalty and confidence because the leader is seen to be like “one of us” and as bringing others-as-equals into the strategizing process. Of course, creating this kind of space is not simply a matter of declaring it to be so. Communication has to be fostered; it must have the appropriate channels and mediation; and it should aim to strike the right balance between being candid, safe, respectful, constructive, and critical. If you want to hear more about ways to do this, please feel free to reach out! Dr Todd Mei Founder and Consultant for Philosophy2u tsmei@philosophy2u.com |
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Resolving and Restoring Relationships:Getting through the Vortex by Vera Naputi, Jessica Ceballos De Santiago, Gigi Rodriguez, and Justin Russell ~ We had a big fight and I got so mad I punched a hole in the wall. I was so upset and when I’m that upset, I cry and don’t really know how to get out of that cycle. We’re both close-mouthed when we fight. No one wants to say anything to break the silence. Not sure what happened but we just started talking again.
These words are real recorded sentiments shared at random times in Office 1106, which is tucked away in an elusive part of the music wing at Madison East High School (Wisconsin, USA). It’s a super stop for some students which happens to be on their route during the school day. With 5 chairs, a modicum of floor space, and sometimes not a care in the world about time, students drop by with little shots of life experiences keeping me culturally attuned and connected to the things young people carry. Talking, emoting, venting, problem-solving, laughing, hugging — Office 1106 is a vortex, a useful term we’ve adopted that is based on the book, Love from the Vortex and Other Poems by Yolanda Sealey-Ruiz. Office 1106 is a container where you can pop off and leave. Wild how safe spaces work.
The past few months, the vortex in Office 1106 has been punctuated by conflict in relationships and friendships. It makes sense you know; our world is fighting, and within our homes, classrooms, hallways, and institutions, so are we. Conflict is not always a bad thing. In fact, I think people argue over things they care about and conflict can be a sign of vitality and dynamism where we fight and solve our way into peace and collective well-being. Does this really happen, though? Is this happening? Because seriously, some of what I witness youth feeling is troubling and painful, and while they can be quick to keep it moving, I am struck by the impact of the conflicts they carry. |
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Toni Morrison’s words, “You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down,” contextualizes the vortex. That place we go when in our relationships and friendships we feel chaotic and messy, perpetually vulnerable and raw, at times closed and private. The vortex can also be a personal whirlwind of imagination, a place to resist norms in traditional relationships and friendships and creatively work towards an evolution of self-love, loving others, and being able to be loved.
So how do we do this when we are processing harm, hurt feelings, confusion, and anger? How do we work our way through the vortex so we can eventually heal and learn more about the other, and love unconditionally? As students come and go, I feel a responsibility not just to theorize about coming out of conflict healthier and more whole, but to help them systematically operationalize what they are already doing and practicing, as they navigate conflict themselves. Whether the hope is to resolve, forgive, reconcile, restore, and repair, my students and I have been discussing ways to get through the vortex. |
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How do we process conflict so voice, presence, experience and our own humanness is valued? The solid truth is my students' ideas are more culturally relevant and practical in setting conditions for reflection, for agency, for hearing hard truths, for building trust . . . all important for cultivating relationships. So here you go: 6 things my students want us to consider when actively in situations mired in conflict.
Stay focused on the issue. Do not attack the person. Even when you are super mad at the person, you have to resist the impulse to name-call or say offensive things. If you’re heated and throwing shots, you have to be willing to accept the shots back. The goal isn’t to one-up each other, but to learn from each person’s experience. To do this, you have to be open to criticism or feedback about your behavior and thoughts. Set boundaries. Don’t cross the line and disrespect the other. If you have to put the thing on the table for a bit, be mature enough to do that. Agree that you cannot agree on everything and be on the same timeline. Give the gift of boundaries for yourself and for them. Don’t threaten each other. We all know that blocking and unfriending each other is a thing. Just don’t use it as a way to escape or avoid reality and truth. What is the story I am telling myself? Try to calmly meditate on this question. This can interrupt the lens you adopted in order to see yourself through the vortex. It can help tease out exaggerations, accusations, and misrepresentations of the truth. The human touch is healing. It does not have to be physical, but any gesture of emotional resolve, a card, an “I apologize we’re going through it . . .” can be a salve for softening.
The genius of young people lies in the gift of space and time to process and understand how they express their moves while in conflict. As they go about their day-to-day life in school, dropping by to leave their emotions and feelings in Office 1106, I am heartened by their ways of knowing.
I love witnessing their communication and acts of understanding and empathy. They are unafraid to challenge language, mis-reads, and under-developed thinking. Frankly, they are teaching me that I do not have to believe everything I think, and that I must always feel my emotions. Their 6 offerings come from their lived experiences. They are a wellspring of creative and practical ways to get through the vortex — to help us realize the fullness of Toni Morrison’s wisdom: You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.
About the Authors
Vera Naputi. Pacific Islander, mother, educator, rock climber, runner, lover of wildness, weather, Hip Hop, books, music, ideas/thoughts on love and liberation. Teacher for middle and high school for 30+ years. My focus is on designing and implementing a curriculum that is youth-centered, structured, relevant, skill-based, and future-oriented. Vera is co-author of Delivered: A Poetry Collection (2023) and "The Curriculum Is in Us: Using the Cypher to Create a Love-Based Curriculum for Youth by Youth," Language Arts Journal (2002) 99:6, 402-407. Jessica Ceballos De Santiago. Senior at Madison East High School. Youth apprentice for UW Health in radiology and physical therapy. Volunteer at Agrace Hospice and Supportive Care. Future college student majoring in Kinesiology, with a focus on physical therapy and a minor in psychology. Gigi Rodriguez. Senior at Madison East High School. Apprentice for UW Health in radiology administration and physical therapy. Artist and Illustrator for the book, Delivered. Future college student majoring in Kinesiology with a focus on physical therapy and a minor in psychology. Justin Russell. Senior at Madison East High School, where he is a member and captain of football, wrestling, and rugby teams. Spoken word artist and creator of beats and lyrics. Future college student with an interest in artistic expression and life. |
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Corrections to November Newsletter Last month's guest columnist, Joseph Edelheit, was incorrectly listed with having a PhD. Joseph has a DMin and an honorary DD (Doctor of Divinity). |
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