Every adolescent is busy answering the question , “Who Am I?” Part of this journey includes developing a gender and sexual identity. It also includes finding a friend group that aligns with your new ideas on social issues, music, politics, and morality.
It is important for teens to remember that questioning your identity is normal and it is a process of exploration. Confusion and reluctance to put a label on it are okay too. A teen’s identity and orientation might even change as they work to discover who they are.
Navigating this journey with your teen can seem daunting. You will be forced to examine your own belief system on many of these topics. Sometimes you will agree with your teen and sometimes you won’t. On top of that, sometimes you simply won’t understand. Hold on and give yourself some grace. The good news is you can learn and as you make that commitment to learning, you will also be choosing to become your teen’s ally.
So, what does it mean to be an ally? Consider the following-
·Practice Unconditional Love and Acceptance. It is critical for teens, especially LGBTQ+ teens, to feel that their parents understand and accept them. The statistics are alarming. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in youth between the ages of 10 and 24 and statistics show that 45% of LGBTQ+ youth have seriously considered suicide. The good news is that there is a 40% reduction in that rate for youth who have at least 1 accepting adult in their life.
·Practice Open Communication and Empathic Listening (video link below for more on empathic listening). Feel comfortable expressing your willingness and need for time and space to educate yourself.
·Evaluate Your Own Belief System. Which beliefs are limiting you and which beliefs are empowering you? Do you need or want to hold on to your limiting beliefs?
·Make an Effort to Understand and Validate Your Teen’s Beliefs.
·Educate Yourself- Become knowledgeable about common gender and sexual identity terms, pronouns, LGBTQ+ culture and the Coming out Continuum (see Monthly Teen Tool/Resources).
·Take Action- educate yourself and gather resources, reach out to counselors for support, use inclusive language, advocate for change. It is not enough to just to be a passive spectator, you need to be an active participant.
First and foremost, all teens want to feel that their parents understand and accept them. This protects against bullying, depression, substance abuse, and self-harm. The rewards are greater self-esteem and stronger family relationships.
Reach out if your teens could use more support on their journey to self-discovery. ginnymoylan@findingyourfirefly.com
