Science journalist, Tara Haelle, writes in her article, Your 'Surge Capacity' is Depleted - It's Why You Feel Awful, that “our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass.”
Always feeling a little off balance - those words resonated with me as I find myself wrestling with feelings of awkwardness. Awkwardness, or being self-conscious, is the feeling that everyone is watching us, which can make us feel embarrassed and uneasy. A phenomenon usually reserved for the younger generation has now infiltrated the psyche of many of us who had seemingly aged out of our adolescent insecurities. Gee thanks, Covid! You see, I haven't ventured beyond a risk level 3 activity (see chart below) since the lockdown six months ago. And what I've found is that I feel very out-of-step and uncomfortable in everything I do outside my home. I'm the person in Publix that can't quite grasp the one-way aisles - until I hear the reminder over the loud speakers - at which time I am always certain they have spotted me doing it the wrong way. And it's not just shopping. I feel awkward driving. I feel awkward doing curbside pick-ups. I feel awkward with people outside of my family. I feel awkward on video calls. I feel awkward.
Maybe your comfort zone for risk is higher than a 3 - maybe you're doing mostly the same things you were pre-Covid. Yet, I don't imagine you are without a sense of awkwardness, too. All the activities listed in the chart below have been impacted and altered by new, and often-changing, social conventions, rules, and regulations. This makes activities that used to be simple, straightforward, and mundane much more effortful now. It feels weird to question the things we did so mindlessly in the past.
And our students are especially impacted by this disruption. Adolescence is already rife with social awkwardness and this only makes it worse. I've been making a point to tell students that EVERYONE is feeling awkward these days and that it's not just them. As students return to face-to-face instruction in schools we need to reassure them that every student, teacher, administrator, and staff member is feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, and very awkward about the whole situation. It's definitely not just them. Based on the school photos above and my track record navigating Publix I know I'd be uneasy about doing it the "right way". Of course, they will, as we all will, muddle through and figure it out. But we need to accept awkwardness as part of the experience for now.
There are things we can do to help ease our awkwardness. One of the most helpful is to anticipate an uncomfortable situation and mentally walk through a checklist of what you need to pay attention to and remember. Once we begin to feel awkward our brain gets anxious which makes it a poor problem solver. That's why taking a few deep breaths, before and during an awkward encounter can help us think more clearly. Not taking ourselves too seriously can also normalize a tense or uncomfortable encounter. Try to laugh at yourself and then let it go. And then there's the illusion of transparency which is a tendency for people to overestimate the degree to which their internal mental state is known by others. This means if you are feeling nervous or uncomfortable and think everyone can tell - they usually cannot. Just knowing about this cognitive quirk can help us gain confidence - so go ahead and fake it until you make it!
Because connection matters, feeling socially awkward can increase our risk for isolation because we may avoid others in an attempt to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But it's in the best interest of our wellbeing to stay engaged and connected as much as we can during these unprecedented times. Know you are not alone. Embrace your awkwardness.
Be well. Be safe. Be hopeful.
