Don't Make Fun of Other People's Ponies

Seinfeld is one of the greatest comedies in the history of broadcast television.

On one particular episode (Season 2, Episode 2), Jerry’s parents pressure him into attending a dinner to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of a second cousin, Manya, and her husband Isaac. Jerry invites Elaine to be a social buffer, and at dinner the two engage in their typical nonsensical conversations.

At one point, Jerry and Elaine start talking about ponies, particularly how much they hate kids who grew up with ponies. Unbeknownst to them, of course, is that Manya owned a pony as a child in Poland. Manya becomes enraged and hilarity ensues.

Check out the clip below.

So, here’s the thing: everyone has a pony. Everyone has something that is dear to them, something that they value and treasure and protect. And if we are not careful, we may find ourselves offending others—and harming our relationships—by inadvertently making fun of other people’s ponies.

I was reminded of this recently when I sent out a simple tweet:

My point was this, that sometimes we do more harm than good when we strive for perfect attendance recognition for ourselves or our children, particularly when we or they go to school sick and spread illness to others. It was a pretty popular tweet, retweeted 17 times and liked by almost 300.

But, what I learned quickly was perfect attendance awards are some people’s ponies. How could I have not recognized that to begin with? For people who have won such an award, or whose children have, there is a sense of pride in the commitment it takes to get to school every day. It shows a level of dedication that employers look for. It shows the award winner never took a day off for staying up too late watching TV or going on a shopping trip or any of the other frivolous things people take off work for.

And so, when I blasely tweeted that it was time to get rid of the awards, I angered some pony owners. Those that disagreed with me were given an explanation about the general meaning of my statement and an apology for not accurately describing my meaning.

I am sure I have offended people who own different ponies before, and I know I have had my ponies insulted. Once a colleague poked fun at educators who present at conferences as being arrogant know-it-alls. I present at conferences. He made fun of my pony, and I was irritated.

I have heard educators say that nobody should ever hire a teacher who does not have children themselves. Well, that is somebody’s pony. Having children does not make somebody a great teacher, and not having children does not mean they can’t be a great teacher.

I have heard people belittle colleagues who get inducted into the Who’s Who of American teachers. That’s somebody’s pony, too. It’s an honor to be nominated for awards like that. It means somebody respected you enough to share your name.

Do we do it to students? Openly criticize parents who don’t come to conferences or open houses? Dismiss honors that we think come from disreputable places? Disrespect those who go to career centers? Of course we do.

Because people have mouths, we will never stop making fun of other people’s ponies. So, my advice is this:

1. Try not to. We all know that if we do not have something nice to say, that we shouldn’t say anything at all. Often, we make fun of people’s ponies because of our own insecurities. When we feel the need to criticize, we should reflect instead on why we feel the need to.
2. If we do make fun of someone’s pony, and we get called on it, apologize. Don’t double down and restate why you think your opinion is right. Be grateful that somebody was brave enough to check you and give you the opportunity to reflect on your beliefs.
3. If you still believe what you said, and still feel the urge to say it, do all you can to say it in a way that takes into account the feelings of the pony owners.

By the way...I had a pony when I was a kid. But I thought Jerry and Elaine were hilarious.

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If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song

My first book, If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song is now available for purchase. What can a deejay teach us about the classroom? What does a superintendent do besides decide when to close school for snow? What makes someone a great teacher or a great principal? In this collection of essays, Dr. Joe Clark answers these questions by offering a model for compassionate, principled, and student-centered school leadership. In the process, If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song offers leaders a handbook for placing kindness, community, and diversity at the heart of successful education. Click here to find it on Amazon.

Look what people are saying about the book.....

The  raw vulnerability with impeccable humor  and a whole lot of honesty is exactly what Joe has served up for you! If you've ever made a mistake or think you will, then this is a must-read. The lens in which he spins (pun intended) this book is insightfully hilarious!

     -LaVonna Roth, Speaker, Author & Chief Illuminator of Ignite Your S.H.I.N.E.®

It's been said that we never know the struggles that someone is going through, so we should treat them kindly always. In If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song, Joe Clark embraces his own vulnerability to share how he reclaimed his story after a traumatic childhood, and shares how he used his life experiences, and his experiences as a DJ and camp director, to guide his work as a school leader. This book is an often humorous, sometimes melancholy look into what teaching and school leadership is all about. It's a tremendous read that I know you'll enjoy.

     -Thomas C. Murray, Author of Personal & Authentic: Designing Learning Experiences that Impact a Lifetime

If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song is a look into the world of leadership, education, and how to treat students. Dr. Clark writes to inspire teachers, principals and superintendents to reflect on the mission of being educators while being reminded to enjoy their work. This quick read will help you reflect and smile as Dr. Clark shares meaning and humor in everyday moments.

     -Todd Whittaker, one of the nation’s leading authorities on staff motivation, teacher leadership, and principal effectiveness. Todd has written over 50 books including the national bestseller, What Great Teachers Do Differently. 

A refreshing read for leaders or educators of all levels both! This is the type of read that can rejuvenate a veteran or give new teachers tools to keep their morale and inspiration at its peak. The lessons you learn from this book can carry over throughout the year, even when you don't know if you can. 

     -Amber Teamann, principal of Whitt Elementary in Wylie ISD in Wylie, Texas. Amber has  received numerous awards, including Regional Assistant Principal of the Year and a “Principal of the Year” engagement award. She recently was recognized as the Dallas Down Syndrome Educator of the Year for her work with inclusivity on her campus.

“If the Dance Floor is Empty, Change the Song” by Joe Clark, is a cleverly-written book that will not only make you think about how we approach our jobs as educators, but it will make you chuckle out loud. Filled with personal stories, practical examples, on-point illustrations, and golden nuggets of wisdom, this book will be hard for readers to put down.

     -Jimmy Casas, Educator, Author, Speaker, Leadership Coach

If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song is a book that will leave you smiling and laughing at times. It will also validate your thinking about education at times. More importantly, it will challenge you to re-think why we serve as educators and what is most important when discussing education and the purpose of schools. This book is filled with scores of reflections on teaching, learning, and leading that are applicable to educators in all roles, especially school leaders.

     -Jeffrey Zoul, Ed.D., Author, Speaker, Leadership Coach, and President of ConnectEDD

As a newly appointed principal, I found this book witty, insightful, and inspiring. The real life stories and anecdotes that Dr. Clark provide, are relatable to teachers, school managers, and, honestly, anyone in a position of leadership. If the Dance Floor Is Empty, Change the Song should be required reading for both new and seasoned school administrators alike. It should be part of every principal and teacher’s motivational toolkit. 

     -David Thomas, Principal, St. Gabriel’s Special School, Bishopstown, Cork, Ireland

Great, another leadership book! That was my first thought when I was asked to read If the Dance Floor is Empty, Change the Song. Once I read the first few pages I was hooked, I truly wanted to dance. Finally, a leadership book with great advice and a vast amount of humor. Yes, school is serious business. But if you don’t laugh and enjoy the experiences then why even be a school leader. Dr. Joe Clark has created an informative quick read that gives you relatable and useful information. I truly did laugh out loud at graphics, pie charts and stories. If you can’t relate to this book, then you truly have never danced to a good song or sat back and enjoyed the experience of being a school leader.  

     -Jack Berckemeyer, nationally-recognized presenter, author, and humorist. Former Assistant Executive Director for the National Middle School Association. 

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