Vulnerability and Cancer
A contribution from Blair Grass, who serves as The Boon Project's Young Adult Cancer Guide.
Over the past month, I’ve talked to some cancer survivors about their personal experiences with cancer and the vulnerability that is associated with such a life altering diagnosis. Overall the theme was that of dramatic changes that took place at the time of their diagnosis and these changes can be difficult to assess and understand. As young adults, naturally our focus is on health and strength - we are young and healthy, pursuing education, careers and family. We are moving forward and laying the groundwork for our plan. A cancer diagnosis changes the plan and can leave the patient and their support system vulnerable and exposed.
The word vulnerability comes from the Latin root, vulnus, meaning wound. To be vulnerable means being capable of being wounded. The word vulnerable is also synonymous with the words “openness” and “exposure.” I bet many cancer survivors would tell you that the words open and exposed fit with their diagnosis. From the literal exposure of diagnostic exams and surgery to the emotional exposure – vulnerability is often at the root of their emotions and experiences.
Briefly some of the experiences my friends shared with me that they said were causes of feeling vulnerable included: Causes of vulnerability: Isolation – not that many of your friends have experienced this
- Isolation – not knowing many people with your diagnosis, changes in your normal routine
- Fear
- Pain
- Changes in appearance/ability
Financial concerns – cost of treatment, career changes
Our society tends to perceive vulnerability as synonymous with weakness, but I don’t. Instead, vulnerability can be the first step in self-awareness that leads to a path of strength, growth and healing. A cancer diagnosis in the midst of your prime can shatter notions of strength and health. Often, the diagnosis opens you up to more tests and procedures – which in their goal of helping do cause pain – rendering you vulnerable in your mission to heal. In this sense, becoming vulnerable is a required step in the healing process – but this does not mean it is a comfortable step or feeling.
In reading about the human experience of vulnerability, the opinion of some experts is that even in the discomfort of sharing your vulnerability is a better alternative than suffering in silence and isolation. In the long run identifying the source of the vulnerability, and sharing your experience with friends, family, healthcare providers, can be the first step towards healing.
Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor, has done a lot of research on the human experience of vulnerability and says: “It’s about owning our vulnerability and understanding it as the birthplace of courage and the other meaning-making experiences in our lives.” She also says: “Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.”
For those of you who have gone through, or are currently going through, a cancer diagnosis I invite you to think about identifying the ways in which you are currently feeling vulnerable. Identify them, label them, make a list. They may vary from day to day or during different phases of your treatment and survivorship. And for each one, put a name or an activity next to it – a person to share with, a place to go, a technique to help improve. And always remember that the BOON project is a place to gather strength and address the vulnerability that a life changing cancer diagnosis brings.
I’d like to end with this quote, by Washington Irving: “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and of unspeakable love.”
As always, thanks for reading,
Blair Grass, RN, MSN
Relevant Reading: “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.” By Brené Brown
