How To Unblock Your Heart

February 2024

Reconnecting with therapeutic conversations can be thought of as a little like "finding your emotional GPS".  Sure, you can navigate life without it, but there's a good chance you may end up in the middle of nowhere, arguing with Siri about your unresolved childhood issues. More on that below...
 
So, I'm now back and ready for more conversations, get in touch if you'd like to book in. 

Unblocking Your Heart
 
I made a FB post on my personal page this week after a very lovely conversation with a friend in the states. 
 
"Just had a rather special conversation this morning with a dear friend, who says that his mission in life now is to help as many people as he can to "Unblock The Human Heart".   It actually made me tear up, to be in the presence of such a beautiful life orientation. He has many interesting ways of assisting people to do so (mostly neurophysiological education, so as to help people to better 'drive' this flesh vehicle we are all blindly crashing about in... however, I feel it really struck a chord with me and my own work (and my own sacred mission for my life - ie: unblocking my own heart)."
 
This reminds me of a beautiful quote by 12th century poet Rumi who says:
 
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
 
I am thinking of the sincere efforts that people like you engage in to integrate the hurts that have happened... the anger, the tears and sadnesses that are carried... these, when un-integrated or "un-digested" are all barriers to love... barriers to a healthy love of self, barriers to our healthy love of others. 
 
In their un-digested form - they lead to acts of self-protection & reactivity.  As we move through life, and do the real work of being human (integrating, regulating etc) we are able to begin to live a life of more presence and connectivity.
 
Learning to regulate the nervous system is yet another way we can work to dissolve the barriers. Here's something my friend put together about this (explaining it so simply that a kid can understand it. It's actually kinda useful if you take a look... get to the para thats entitled "taking it to the kids")
 
Once the barriers are gone, healthy love (for self and for others) can flow so much more easily. 
 
And, there is no rush... just an orienting of ones life towards this way of living & being. A continual turning towards... we get knocked off our perch, and then we return. again and again and again. I think this is the secret to contented living. 
 
Warm wishes - here's to unblocking all of our hearts.
 
Hilary
 
PS: Here's a cool thing to do - why not Write A Love Letter To Yourself... (if you're a woman here in NZ, there's even a competition you can enter, closes 21st Feb 2024!  - should be open to men too, imho).  Whether you enter the competition or not, it is likely a rather lovely and loving thing to try..

I've seen the above image before; an oldie but a goodie! The brain is often not very good at being kind or coming up with helpful strategies when we are stressed / overwhelmed. A better way to get back to a more regulated state is to pay attention to how the body is feeling and attend to ourselves with love (aka: learn healthy self-regulation strategies).

Consider the Opposite of What You're Worried About
 
~ Chris Guillebeau
 
Worry holds us back or keeps us stuck. Worry prevents us from making positive changes. We remain with what’s comfortable, even if it’s less than ideal, because the unknown is … worrisome. (And no one ever says, "I wish I had made that change later")
 
So here is a partial solution, or at least here is something I have learned to do as a person who worries a lot. Rather than tell myself not to worry (see opening paragraph for why this doesn’t work), I try to consider the potential harm or downside of the OPPOSITE concern.
 
In other words: If I don’t do the thing I’m worried about—or if the thing I’m worried about doesn’t come to pass—what would happen then? (click below to read more)

Help Me Worry More Productively

2 Unexpected Ways to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
~ 2 minute watch
 
We often observe self protective strategies in ourselves with a mixture of puzzlement and embarrassment. 
 
Why are we like this? 
Why can’t we be more normal? 
What’s up with us?
 
This is a short, sweet and useful look at all this. It ties nicely into what I spoke of above... in essence I feel that this too is all about unblocking ones heart (click below to watch).

I'm So Sick of Self-Sabotage

Learn to Listen To Your Early Warning Signs of Stress / Anxiety
 
What are they? 
 
If you can learn to notice these, and come into a more loving and intimate relationship with them... where you don't ignore them, you don't judge them,  you don't try and squash them down - you can learn over time to regulate your neurophysiological state. THIS is one of the vital secrets to contented living!
 
Unfortunately, most people turn to alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, exercise, gambling, workaholism, or a wide range of other addictions in order to regulate stress. Depression & Anxiety can sometimes be "addictions" too. 
 
All of these reactive strategies for dealing with stress bring with them a wide range of problematic issues in terms of both mental & physical health, as well as issues for our key relationships. 
 
Learning to recognise or listen to our early warning signs is an act of love. It is how we can say to ourselves "I love you and I am there for you". 
 
Resisting our addictive & unhealthy strategies means we get to experience more of life, and more of ourselves.

Listen

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