Happy Monday! I hope you had a wonderful and safe 4th of July holiday weekend. I'm purposely sending this email just a wee bit later in the day, knowing it takes all of us a little longer to "come online" after a long weekend.

Today's newsletter is all about helping you or someone you love get through a difficult or confusing health diagnosis. While these tips are specific to the support I provide during my cancer caregiver workshops and coaching sessions, they absolutely apply to other diagnoses and situations that leave you reeling, feeling like your world has just been shattered and you have no idea what to do next.

When my husband was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor at 30 years old, I was only 29, and I had no idea what to do. Our life was suddenly divided into two parts: before cancer (BC) and after diagnosis (AD), and everything felt like a living nightmare.

These tips, gained from my own personal experience as a caregiver for the past 15 years, can help pull you out of the perceived free fall at the very beginning, when you're grasping at anything to keep you from hitting the ground.

There’s so much to this journey, but I want to share with you the raw, unfiltered truth about what to expect in the first few weeks and months after a serious diagnosis. Again, for illustrative purposes, they are given through the lens of cancer. These are the things I wish someone had told me in the beginning, when Bryan and I wanted to be anywhere but in our new reality.

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Top 10 Cancer Diagnosis Truths

What I Wish I Knew From Day One

1. Start writing (or typing) everything down.

You're about to be hit with a tsunami of information, both from doctors and your own research, and your brain is not going to be able to process it all. Get a dedicated notebook and write down everything – doctor's names, phone numbers, treatment options, questions you have. It will become your lifeline in the chaos.

2. Advocate for yourself and your loved one like your life depends on it (because it does).

If something doesn't feel right, speak up. If you don't understand something, ask questions until you do. If a doctor isn't treating you with the respect and compassion you deserve, find a new one. We did, and it made all the difference. You are your own best advocate, and you have the right to fight for the care you need.

3. Build your support team, and be specific about what you need.

You're going to need help, and that's okay. Make a list of the people you trust most, and be specific about what you need from them. Maybe it's a meal train, or someone to drive you to appointments, or just a shoulder to cry on. People want to help, but they often don't know how. Tell them.

4. Feel your feelings, all of them.

You're going to feel everything – fear, anger, sadness, despair, hope, love, and a thousand other emotions in between. Don't try to push them away or numb them out. Feel them, express them, and know that they are all valid. Scream into a pillow, cry in the shower, punch a punching bag. Do whatever you need to do to let those feelings move through you.

5. Prepare for the "cancer face."

You know the one – the sympathetic head tilt, the sad eyes, the "oh, you poor thing" voice. People are going to look at you differently, and it's going to be weird. Remember that their reactions are more about them than they are about you. Try not to take it personally.

6. Set boundaries, communicate your needs clearly, and designate a point person for info.

You're going to have a lot of people reaching out, offering advice, and asking for updates. It can be overwhelming. Set clear boundaries around communication and stick to them. Designate a trusted person to be the go-to for updates and information. This can be a close friend, a family member, or even a website like CaringBridge. Having a gatekeeper will allow you to focus on what matters most – your loved one and your own well-being. Remember, you don't owe anyone anything right now. Your only job is to take care of yourself and your loved one.

7. Find moments of joy & normalcy wherever you can, whenever you can.

Cancer is going to take up a lot of real estate in your life, but it doesn't have to take over everything. Look for moments of joy and normalcy wherever you can find them. Watch a funny movie, take a walk in nature, have a dance party in your living room. Those moments of levity will become your lifeline.

8. Know that you're going to make mistakes, and that's okay.

You're going to say the wrong thing, forget important information, and make decisions you later question. Give yourself grace. You're doing the best you can in an impossible situation. No one expects you to get it right all the time.

9. Find the best medical team that has your best interest at heart.

You're going to meet a lot of specialists – radiologists, oncologists, surgeons, infusion center staff – and it's crucial that you trust them completely. If something doesn't feel right, or if you don't feel heard, don't be afraid to seek a second opinion or find a new team. Your medical team should be your partners in this fight, and you should feel confident that they have your back every step of the way.

10. If you don’t understand something, ask the doctor to explain in layman’s terms.

Unless you have a Medical degree, chances are you’re not fluent in the language used to describe cancer types, therapy options, medication names, procedures, etc. Don’t ever let a doctor or specialist intimidate you into keeping quiet. Whether you’re the patient or their advocate, you need to understand everything that’s being discussed, so you can make informed decisions.

The first weeks and months after a cancer diagnosis is a baptism by fire. It's going to test you in ways you never could have imagined. But I want you to know that you are not alone. You are stronger than you know, and you will find your way through this.

Keep showing up, keep reaching out, and keep holding on to hope.

You've got this.

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