There's no denying that my way of painting is very controlled and labor-intensive. A lot of design and planning goes into selecting objects, placing them just so, lighting the scene, drawing the details onto the canvas and finally, applying layers of oil paint that become more and more defined with each pass. The process is a struggle at times and I often question why I'm doing it at all.
I take a leap of faith when I start a new painting. I'm never completely sure I can pull it off, or if what I'm doing is even interesting or meaningful in some way. I would venture that every artist goes through this to some degree. Lee Clow, a legendary advertising art director famously said, "Creative people are 50 percent ego and 50 percent insecurity." That sounds about right.
My ego tells me I can do it but the emotional baggage I carry around tells me otherwise. These internal forces will probably always exist in me. Rather than denying them or attempting to 'fix' them, it might be better to accept them as essential to the process of making art. Enough arrogance to start something and enough fear of failure to not lose heart along the way.
