The Place Holder
Well... It seems as though I made many overestimations on what exactly would be my mental and energetic capabilities while traveling. I had assumed that as this end of my work is fairly flexible in terms of me being able to do it anywhere that has wifi, I didn't take into account actual pockets of time that I'd have free to stop and think, not to mention a space to do it in. At home, I generally write all the newsletters from my favorite local coffee shop. I figured, hey, the U.K. and Ireland are sure to have such kinds of places where you can park and work for a bit. Umm, no. Not really. And then I thought, hey, since I'll be away from home, I'll have the mental capacity to easily do some work as I won't have the normal day-to-day distractions to deal with. Yeah, definitely not. I can confidently say I have MUCH less mental space to try and do work than I do at home. I didn't realize that all my brain power would have to be reserved to try and figure out the endless travel plans of booking buses, trains, places to stay, managing check-ins/outs, figuring out where to eat (not as fun as you would think), storing luggage, packing and unpacking and re-packing again, dealing with Ubers, etc. Throw in insomnia, and you may understand why I come to you like this today.
I shared a bit to my Instagram stories today about how I had hoped and planned to be able to not only send out my normal newsletter but also have a blog published today. I just can't make it happen. Honestly, I feel pretty disappointed by it. I really enjoy writing the newsletters, and March marks 6 months since I've started to do them. But the newsletters take time to do. It requires at least a few hours to edit, and that's excluding the prep time where I open the Records for a message, pull a card, and choose a dream theme. Not to mention the several additional hours it would take to write and edit the blog post I plan to do.
I unintentionally teased my Instagram viewers with a choice in deciding whether I should try and postpone the newsletter until I get back to London, but then I stopped myself. Let me not put more added pressure on myself than I already have. I'll have 5 days when I get back to London before I go home, and I intend to use that time to take it easy, hopefully get a full 8 hours of sleep, and try and process the whirlwind that will be this past month. I've been going at a pace that I know I can't sustain, and I've never wanted to sustain. I've been dealing with the consequences of my delulu state, thinking me jumping back and forth around the U.K. and Europe is something my 37-year-old self could do without feeling like my ass is being kicked.
I'm very grateful to have been able to do and see all that I have since I arrived. And I'm especially grateful and relishing in the reality that right now I'm writing all of this while looking at a huge model of the Titanic ship, with the Titanic Museum lit up outside the window while sitting in the Titanic Hotel eating Sticky Toffee Pudding (view my most recent Instagram story to hear about my lifelong Titanic love). It feels very surreal right now. There is a very high level of surrealism when you stop to notice that you're doing the very thing you pictured yourself doing years ago. That a fantasy has been shifted into a reality. And it's these types of things I need time to process because it's been a very emotional experience for me as well. And I'm not even touching on the intense experiences I had during the second module of my Certificate II program I had last week for Dream Tending... So much to process.
If you've made it this far, thank you for your patience with me! It has truly warmed my heart when I receive messages from you either through email or Instagram DMs, letting me know that you look forward to this newsletter. That's why I feel bad for not being able to deliver it this month. But I hope you understand that it's not because I don't want to, it's just that shit is crazy right now. I have things I want to tweak and share, but I need the time and headspace to dedicate to it.
So until next month! I promise I'll be back with all the things you've come to expect.
With Love,
Kim
