A Loving-Kindness meditation was at the center of our latest Imagine Connect gathering (*). Our motivation for this theme was a desire to meditate together due to the current crisis in Ukraine. Our hearts are with all people who experience violence all over the world, yet the war in Ukraine was brought closer to home for us because one of our alumna works with a Ukrainian refugee organization. For about an hour that Saturday morning we were united in sending love and compassion to Ukrainians, Russians, and everyone who feels the impact of this war, however far removed geographically. Imagine’s name was inspired by John Lennon’s song "Imagine" and since the beginning our vision has been to build a global community committed to living mindfully and promoting peace. Meditating in a group of dedicated people creates a coherence that amplifies the intention of the meditation - and every single one of us was touched by that.
Our discussion afterwards focussed on compassion and empathy - and the difference between them. When we want to be in connection with and in service to people who are struggling or suffering, we are aware on some level that it is not very effective, nor do we embrace self-care, when we take on their issues as our own. Wrapped up in their pain or suffering, it is harder to access clear thinking or feeling. The more mindfully we strive to live, the more apparent that becomes. How then can we go about supporting others?
I would like to share what Brené Brown, one of the foremost researchers of emotions, has to say about compassion and empathy. I also invite you to meditate on Brené's insights to further your own understanding of these intricate sentiments. In her newest book, Atlas of the Heart, she writes: “Compassion is fueled by understanding and accepting that we’re all made of strength and struggle - no one is immune to pain or suffering. Compassion is not a practice of ‘better than’ or ‘I can fix you’ - it's a (daily) practice based on the beauty and pain of shared humanity.” (p.117) ... so that we “treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.” (p.118)
Empathy then “is a tool of compassion. We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain.” (p.121) However, she goes on “we need to dispel the myth that empathy is ‘walking in someone else’s shoes.’ Rather than walking in your shoes, I need to learn how to listen to the story you tell about what it’s like in your shoes and believe you even when it doesn’t match my experiences.” (p.123) We understand what someone is feeling, we connect to what someone is feeling about an experience, we do not feel it for them. Brené calls this way of relating to others cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy is about perspective-taking or mentalizing. Mentalizing conveys the ability to understand the mental states that underlie overt behavior, it is a form of imaginative mental activity where we look at human behavior in terms of intentional mental states. She then explains the difference between this and a second form of empathy, affective empathy. Affective empathy is one’s own emotional attunement with another person’s experience, where our own internal state shifts to come to resonate with the inner world of another, risking becoming entangled with that world and losing our sense of perspective.
Combining compassion with cognitive empathy is then the most effective approach to develop a meaningful connection with those who we want to support. How does Imagine employ MBSR techniques to encourage developing compassion and cognitive empathy? Our Loving-Kindness meditations are an invitation to sit in an open-hearted, non-reactive, and nonjudgmental space that offers an opportunity for healing of ourselves and others as we send loving kindness in an increasingly widening circle from self to all beings on earth. We embrace our shared humanity. Exercises such as the Body Scan and Meditation in Motion teach us to become familiar with our body so we can learn to recognize when we are holding another's pain or energy inside of us. Awareness of Breath and Sitting Meditations coach us to pay attention to what is present in this moment without interpretation, allowing us to refine our active listening skills, intentionally and with curiosity. We can relate to others and ourselves with a clear and open mind and heart.
What can we do when we feel overwhelmed about world events over which we have no control and might be far away from, such as the war in Ukraine? We can practice cognitive empathy by understanding how people there are suffering, without taking on their pain, showing self-compassion by treating ourselves with loving-kindness during those moments when we might feel inundated with sadness. At the same time we also send compassionate loving-kindness their way, accepting that we are all made of strength and struggle. From this place of clarity we can then decide to take action in the face of suffering. Action can take many forms. Because of geographical distance financial support can be a place to start, just as Imagine has done for a refugee organization in Germany (see more information in the box below). Yet any action towards supporting peace in the world will make a difference, whatever your local or personal interests are. Thank you for being part of our Imagine community.
- Summer
and the Imagine Team
(*) Monthly Connect Gatherings are open to all our alumni. If you are an alumni and are interested in attending these 1st Saturday of the month morning gatherings and have not yet signed up, please contact Jerry at jerry@imaginemindfulness.com
