There are many advantages to positive redirection as a way for children to learn to discontinue or change an unwanted behavior. It also promotes social, emotional, cognitive and language development. It is usually easy to say “no” or “don’t”, but without proper follow-up, the children will most likely repeat the unwanted behavior and start using negative tones with you as “no” and “don’t” usually have a negative connotation to those types of words.
Our goal is to teach children what to do, so when addressing a behavior that you want your child to stop or change, you must first know what actually you want them to do. Children are like sponges and need to be taught and learn what is appropriate and what is not. Children have receptive language far earlier than verbal language. They understand your words through repetition. Being consistent in what you say and do is key to making a positive change.
For example, if a child is having a tantrum, it is important to not say things like “stop that” or “I don’t like that behavior.” When tantrums occur, let them finish it as long as it is safe, and when they are ready they will stop, and once calm is when you approach. Acknowledge what happened, acknowledge their feelings and to their best ability have them verbalize what made them so upset. Calmly talk to them with why and how they can handle the emotions they feel next time. Remember, at that moment it is all about your child, so statements similar to “I don’t like…” make it all about you and the child may feel like their needs are unheard and unmet.
You can teach your child about cause and affect of their actions and offer a positive solution through the statements like “When you ____, it makes me feel ____.” For example if a child has a habit of trying to kick you, you can say “When you kick me, it makes me feel sad because it hurts, but it looks like you like to kick, so can we go kick a ball together?” This statement is explaining to your child what their action makes you feel, you acknowledge their energy and offer a solution but more importantly you and your child are continuing to bond positively while making change.
Change takes time but as long as you give a little patience and are consistent in how you verbalize and react to your child, you and your child will reap the benefits. Through positive redirection, children will know it is okay to be who they are and socialize more positively. Since language is encouraged and they are allowed a voice, their language will increase. Cognitive thinking when coming up with alternative choices will increase as you feed your child positive options through each scenario.
