1 - Make sure you are fully committed and Ready to Change
The 8 percent of successful goal setters are able to commit to pursuing their goal with passion and perseverance, even when they inevitably experience a setback. This involves really difficult work within ourselves to look at our deeply ingrained patterns of thought and behavior that keep us stuck. Are you 100% clear on your parenting goals and on the relationship outcomes you want with your children? Are you ready to change the things in yourself that are necessary to achieve those different experiences with your children and family? If not, what work do you need to do to get to that clarity?
2 - Set specific and challenging goals
In a review of studies conducted between 1969 – 1980, 90% of those studies showed that people who set goals that were both specific and challenging had higher success rates. Goals help us to make a change by helping us to focus and direct our attention and energy, practice persistence, and develop strategies when we encounter setbacks.
3 – Set Positive Goals
A large scale experiment on the success or failure of New Year’s Resolutions found that people who set goals that focused on what they wanted to increase or improve were significantly more successful that people who set goals about what they wanted to stop or avoid. This makes sense because goals focus our attention and energy, and so it would follow that focusing on things that bring up shame would make it more difficult to practice perseverance and maintain motivation. On the other hand, focusing our attention on the positive outcomes we are working towards can help to remind us of why we are doing this hard work in the first place, helping to maintain motivation and perseverance.
4 – Get support
One important theme comes up again and again in the research on successful goal achievement and on successful positive change: having support. We not only don’t have to do the hardest job in the world alone, we are actually much less likely to be successful alone. Support can take many forms, a supportive partner, a friend or mentor, and the support of helping professionals.
A new report released in April 2022 by The Ohio State University Office of the Chief Wellness Officer and College of Nursing reveals that 66% of working parents meet the criteria of burnout, which undermines our ability to exercise skills like focus and self control, which are necessary to make positive changes in our lives and relationships on our own. Having a support network has always been helpful, but right now, it might just be an absolutely necessity.
