February gets a bad rap. It’s main claim to fame is that the corporate con job that is Valentine’s Day falls right in the middle. The abysmal weather transforms us all into Sandy Cheeks, angry as she is awoken from her hibernative slumber. But we have entered your inboxes to say that February is actually a rather indulgent time. It’s a month where we get to celebrate spending millions of dollars on advertisements, celebrities dripping in diamonds and designer gowns, and eating the box of Russell Stover chocolates your dad got you in one sitting.

This year, the evil mix of bad weather and quarantine may put you in a state of pure solitary confinement, but you know what? YOU CAN STILL EMBODY THAT INDULGENCE. Read some e.e. cummings. Bake yourself and only yourself a cake. Fuck it, order what TikTokers have dubbed the “husband-killer robe” and be the lord or lady of the manse you were always meant to be. In this edition of The Lit Review, we upgrade your February 2021 vibe with our very own awards show, provide rom-com recs for those of you still in the love mood, and much more.

Xx, 

The Spynsters

Presenting: The Spynsters

If the world was a normal place right now, we would be in the process of buying bottles of Andre and our favorite selections from the Trader Joe’s cheese section for an Oscars party. Since our favorite awards show has been pushed all the way to the end of April, we have taken it upon ourselves to create our own version of The Academy Awards: The Spynsters. Think if The Oscars were produced by MTV and hosted by Andy Cohen. Here is the full list of awards for our favorite achievements in pop culture from 2020.

• Best Self-Introduction: “Your Honor, I’m a freak bitch” - Megan Thee Stallion, “WAP”

• Most Adorable Child in Anything Ever: Alan Kim in Minari

• Best New Author You Name-Drop To Convince Friends You Read: Sally Rooney

• Best Beauty Trend: Rainbow nails from Promising Young Woman

• Best Movie That Makes You Miss New York If You Had To Relocate Because of the Pandemic: On The Rocks

• Most Unexpected Transformation: Selena Gomez now claiming she’s a chef

• Most Intriguing Title: First Cow

• Best Moment That Confused Your Racist Uncle: Shakira’s weird tongue movements at the 2020 Super Bowl Halftime Show

• Best Hair: Riz Ahmed’s bleached locks in The Sound of Metal

• Best Kiss: Bong Joon-ho’s Oscars

• Best Breakout Cast: The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

• Biggest Disappointment: I’m Thinking of Ending Things

• Best Dad Show: Ted Lasso

• Best New Heartthrob: Paul Mescal

• Best Wallpaper According to My Grandma: Bridgerton

• Best Wallpaper According to Jayne O’Dwyer: The Undoing

• Most Shocking Reveal: The ineptitude of the US government

Kyra Lesser's Official Rom-Com Picks™

Listen, we know it’s February 19th, but for some of you, it’s possible you’re still basking in the glow of Valentine’s Day. Although you know it’s a corporate scam, you’re just really into the concept of humans loving each other. While Jayne hadn’t yet processed her internalized misogyny towards rom-coms, Kyra spent most of her childhood consuming them like a flame does oxygen. Here are Kyra’s favorite rom-com picks for all you sickos like her out there. 

• When Harry Met Sally: Any movie that can convince an audience that Billy Crystal is a sexy leading man is nothing short of witchcraft. Also, Meg Ryan has a fake orgasm in the pastrami empire that is Katz’s Deli.

• Little Manhattan: The movie that made us all dream about riding off into the sunset on Josh Hutcherson’s Razor scooter through Central Park at age eleven. The love that this child felt for Rosemary Telesco was so palpable and passionate, he couldn’t even address her without saying both her first and last name.

• The Sweetest Thing: I recently did a re-watch of this film and oh my word, it is fucked up. Selma Blair has sex with a guy in a fluffy purple elephant costume, Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate crash the wedding of a guy Miss Diaz aruged with in a club once and now believes is her true love, and there’s a musical number in a Chinese restaurant to a little ditty called “The Penis Song.”

• Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion: This film proves that your soulmate isn’t necessarily your significant other - it could be your fabulous, lamé-and-maribou-feather-wearing BFF. Only a true ride-or-die would go along with your scheme of claiming you invented the post-it note.

• Hitch: Ok, as a kid I was too scared to watch this movie because of the scene where Will Smith has an allergic reaction to shellfish. That being said, Will and Eva are one of the hottest couples of all time, and I could watch them ride jet skis for hours (sans Will kicking Eva in the face).

• Down With Love: Renée Zellweger plays the biggest scammer of all time and dons a shit-ton of 60s fashion while doing so. I would watch this movie on the treadmill constantly growing up, and spent hours fantasizing about the firepit in the middle of Renée’s unreal mod apartment (still do).

• 13 Going on 30: Razzles. The “Thriller” dance. A young Brie Larson in a non-speaking supporting role. Don’t be surprised if you crave a pina colada and listen to Billy Joel’s “Vienna” on repeat after watching.

• Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging: “Ultraviolet” by The Stiff Dylans. Did I just send a shudder down your spine? Watch if you want to see a funny British girl accidentally shave off her eyebrows and win the heart of a young Aaron Taylor-Johnson.

• I Love You, Man: The ultimate Bro-mantic comedy. Paul Rudd literally doing anything at all is my favorite, and awkwardly attempting to befriend Jason Segel is at the top of that list.

• 10 Things I Hate About You: The movie that made paintball sexy. Note to whoever ends up proposing to me: please study Heath Ledger’s rendition of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” for exactly what I expect of you. No marching band, no wedding.

• My Big Fat Greek Wedding: The main couple in this film are trash because the girl only gets the guy once she gives herself a complete makeover. They don’t deserve our praise - I’m talking about Maria and Gus, the film’s iconic matriarch and patriarch who know everything about Windex and nothing about bundt cakes. Ship them forever. 

• Last Holiday: This film is just 112 minutes of Queen Latifah living her best damn life. Yes please.

Film Selects For Our Single Brethren

If you’re someone who is more Jayne’s speed and think Valentine’s Day is as pointless as Flag Day (apologies, Flag Day), make sure to check out our most recent syllabus titled “Film Selects That Will Make You Thankful for Singledom on V-Day.” We explore cinema's most toxic, troubling, and downright confusing couples. 

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ICYMI - Past articles for you to check out.

• Not So "Pretty Committee": How The Clique Series Fueled My Unrealistic Middle School Expectations

• "You Wanna Piece of Me": "Framing Britney Spears" & the Exploitation of a Pop Star

• The Spynsters React to the 2021 Golden Globes Nominations