Gifted Love
Blurb
Carly Gardiner is taken by surprise; their love is unexpected, lying dormant for years. Who would have known that Nathaniel is what she’d needed all along? But Carly has a secret, which she cannot hide for much longer. What will Nathaniel’s reaction be when he discovers the truth?
Nathaniel Howard is in love—he didn’t know when, or how it happened, but somehow it has always been there. They were close friends, and he is no longer content with friendship. He wants more. But does he really want forever? Why did he hold back all these years?
He said he would meet her here.
One thing was for certain: she’d shocked him. What if he’s changed his mind?
He was hesitant and thoughtful during their last conversation. She wasn’t sure he could make the commitment. And she didn’t think she could bear it if she never saw him again.
She booked the cruise on impulse—it was her birthday; she was twenty-seven and felt it important to do something for herself. Everything would be different when she returned. She needed this.
All her friends were otherwise engaged, so she took leave from work and booked her flight to Miami. Spent a night at a hotel in Fort Lauderdale and boarded the cruise to the Caribbean the following day.
She’d noticed him straight away. He was tall, a head above most of the crowds of families—screaming children, stressed parents, and ever-patient cruise staff. She could only see his profile, but somehow he seemed familiar to her, and she was drawn to him. Caramel-coloured skin, short, neatly trimmed hair, and a beard that shaded his jaw. She couldn’t make him out, as he kept turning away. There was something about him…
She gave up trying to look in his direction; besides, she was off-limits now. She needed to accept that another relationship with anyone wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. She focused her attention on the moving queue. She was becoming very tired nowadays. It had caught her unawares. She’d read in that book she’d bought that she would. It was expected, but she was exhausted. Maybe she was a little jet-lagged, too.
Later, after familiarising herself with her room, she located her luggage, which had been placed outside someone else’s stateroom. She pulled it toward her door and struggled to get it across the threshold. The door was heavy, the suitcase even heavier, and she was dizzy with tiredness.
She closed her eyes for a moment and took in a breath. She needed to take a seat and rest her legs; she’d been queuing for over an hour.
“Need a hand with that?” a male asked from behind her. A deep, husky voice that she recognised straight away.
She spun around. “Nathaniel?” Her eyes widened. “What are you doing here?” She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a fierce hug, all smiles. She pulled away and stared at him.
“My brother booked me on this thing for my birthday.” He rolled his eyes. “I had no choice.”
“You’re crazy you never take a break. A holiday will do you good.” She smiled. “Gosh, it’s been so long. I haven’t seen you in months.”
“Yes, since you started seeing Craig.” He gave her a pointed look. “You’ve been elusive.”
She gave him a sheepish look. “I know, I’m sorry. We’re no longer together.” She avoided his eyes; she really didn’t want to go into her failed relationship, as it was a sore subject.
“Is Gabriela not with you?”
“We broke up.”
“Oh…” They looked at each other, and a moment passed between them.
“I’m in the cabin beside yours.”
“Really? This is no coincidence. Fate brought us together. It’s been too long, Nathaniel.”
“Agreed. I’ve missed you.”
She looked at him then, surprised. They were close friends—not so close recently—but he’d never told her he missed her before.
He took the suitcase from her and carried it in, placing it on the table in room. “Your cabin’s quite nice,” he remarked, looking around.
“What’s yours like?”
“Looks like yours.” He smiled, amusement filling his eyes.
She sighed inwardly and admitted what she’d been feeling for so long: she’d missed him too. They’d been best friends at school, getting on well together and always having a laugh. As they got older he became interested in girls and she became interested in boys. They remained friends, supporting each other when they went through breakups. But this was the first time they had both been without partners at the same time.
He was always so sweet with his girlfriends, the ultimate romantic; he would treat them with such care and respect. She would often feel a pang of jealousy, as she’d never found a man who treated her that way. And the women he got involved with never appreciated him. Carly would often tease him and say, “If we were together, I would give you the world, Nathaniel.” And when she had a bad breakup, he would hug her and say, “Carly, if we were together, I would give you the world and so much more.” It was joke they shared, but they’d never had the opportunity to explore a relationship with each other, and she’d often wondered what it would be like to be with him. There had always been an undercurrent of something between them, but it had been very much unspoken—a forbidden topic that was never voiced.
He was a very attractive man, mixed race and proud of his heritage of English and Jamaican descent. She realised now that he was the man in the queue who seemed familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite see him through the crowds, and he was now sporting a beard, which was new. She was so used to seeing him clean-shaven. It suited him, made him appear older, more mature, not so boyish.
Pushing her thoughts aside, she turned to him. “Do you want to go and check out the ship?”
“Yes, why not.” They headed along the corridor and piled into the lift with the other guests, then briefly stepped out onto the main deck, where guests were already sunbathing by the huge swimming pools. She glanced up at the rock-climbing wall, shielding her eyes from the sun. It was so hot. In a long summer dress and sandals, she felt overdressed in the unrelenting heat. A much-needed drink would go down nicely right now. She spotted a bar ahead and waiters carrying huge fruit cocktails to rowdy, eager customers. Feeling a little lightheaded, she decided to get out of the sun, and they found their way to one of the many restaurants on the ship.
After loading their plates with food, they found a table beside the windows. The restaurant was bright. Sun poured in, Fort Lauderdale’s landscape disappearing from view, and being surrounded by the wide expanse of deep blue sea made her wonder what would be ahead for the next seven days.
Nathaniel sat beside her, rather than opposite her. His muscular thigh was touching hers. She was suddenly aware of him, her pulse rate increasing, and she could smell a hint of his aftershave, making her want to edge closer to him. She always had this reaction to Nathaniel: her body seemed to have a mind of its own, and reacted instantly to him.
She recalled this time last year, they’d been out with friends for her birthday, and she’d just embarked on her tumultuous relationship with Craig. Nathaniel had hugged her, gently pulling her close. “Happy birthday, Carly,” he whispered in her ear. The warmth of his breath brushed her ear, then he nuzzled into her neck. She felt her legs go weak; she could barely breathe as sensations flooded through her. He held her for a long moment, seeming not to want to let her go. She didn’t want him to let go either. She relaxed in his arms, closing her eyes, enjoying the feel of his hand caressing her back, the scent of his aftershave, his strong, muscular body pressed against hers. Then she remembered where she was and her eyes flew open. She pulled away slightly, her eyes questioning him. He looked back at her intently and a message passed between them. The impact of that moment never left her. She thought about him often and wished for things she had no business wishing for. But it was there. She couldn’t pretend.
He was looking at her now, with his dark, intense brown eyes. “Why are you here on your own, Carly?”
“My birthday—thanks for the card, by the way. I always wanted to go on a cruise.” They never forgot each other’s birthday, as they shared one. Only he was three years older. “All my friends were otherwise engaged.”
“I would have gone with you.”
“I didn’t know you’d broken up with Gabriela.” She munched on her salad. “What happened?”
“She wanted marriage. I didn’t.”
“I thought you two were in love.”
“I cared for her, but she wasn’t the one.”
“Still looking for the one, huh? I’ve given up.”
“Really? Not you. You’ve always been a true romantic.” He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “What happened?”
Disconcerted by the electricity that rushed through her at his touch, she resisted the urge to pull away. “He found someone else. I guess I wasn’t enough for him.”
His brown eyes darkened slightly. He seemed annoyed. “No, he wasn’t enough for you.” He reached up and touched her face, his eyes softening. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”
She gazed into his eyes, seeing something she’d never seen before. “It’s okay. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I don’t seem to be able to hold on to a man. I feel a little inadequate.”
“Carly, don’t say that. You were never the problem, they were. Because of their insecurities and inadequacies.”
“Nathaniel, I’m not beautiful like the women they left me for. I’m the wholesome-looking girl next door. I’m hardly stunning.”
He was silent for a moment, looking away. Seeming hesitant, he returned his gaze to hers. “You’re beautiful to me.”
Her heart skipped a beat. She held his gaze for a moment, not knowing what to say. Where did that come from? To lighten the moment, she smiled then said, “That’s a nice thing to say, thank you. You’re pretty yummy yourself.” Her smile disappeared. “Anyway, Craig, told me as much. He said I wasn’t pretty enough for him.” She lifted her fork and filled her mouth. She didn’t want to talk about Craig. He’d hurt her badly. Although she didn’t love him, she cared about him. She’d made the mistake of thinking that he cared about her too, but all he ever wanted was sex, and stupidly, she’d given in to him, breaking her strong moral code. He’d been so loving and kind in the beginning, but clearly this had been a ploy to get what he wanted.
“It’s his loss, Carly. He was a fool. He didn’t know what he had.”
Nathaniel always knew how to make her feel better and say all the right things. She smiled. “Yes, it is his loss, isn’t it?”
“Carly, if we were together, I would give you the world, and so much more.” His tone had lowered, and he looked at her with an intensity that she’d never seen before. Her heart rate increased; she felt the force of his gaze. He’d told her this so many times over the years—why did it feel different this time?
She composed herself and dismissed what she thought she saw in his eyes as fanciful, and sipped on her juice. “What do you want to do later? I had a quick glance at the agenda for this evening, and there’s a comedy show and a live performance with singers and dancers. It looks really exciting, I’m so pleased you’re here. At least I’ll have company.”
“Carly, I—” He was interrupted by his mobile ringing. He looked down at it, but didn’t answer it.
Carly raised a questioning brow, wondering why he didn’t take the call.
“It’s Gabriela. She’s hasn’t fully come to terms with our breakup as yet.”
Carly tensed at the mention of Gabriela’s name. She could be honest and admit to herself that she’d felt a pang of jealousy when she’d first been introduced. She’d thought it was marriage for sure. Gabriela was stunning, one of those beauties that women either envied or just imagined wanting to tear her hair out. “Oh, so she didn’t want to end it, then?”
“She ended it. She gave me an ultimatum, which was marriage or we part ways. I walked. Now she keeps ringing. She wants me back, claiming she was a little too hasty.” His eyes became stormy. “I don’t play games, and she needs to understand that.”
Carly considered what he’d told her. She was fiercely protective of him, so her first reaction was to wrap her arms around him and hold him. She wondered about all his past relationships. They never appreciated him until it was too late. If she had ever been as fortunate as they were to find someone like Nathaniel, she would have held on to him for dear life. She would never let him go.
She met his gaze. “She hurt you. I’m sorry. Do you want me to pay her a visit when we return? Who does she think she is, hurting you that way? I’ll put on my boxing gloves and give her what for.”
He chuckled at her response, leaning back against his chair.
She smiled, pleased she had eased the tension from him. She looked down at her plate, which had become unappetising, and felt a little nauseated. She had been careful to eat little and often; that was what her doctor had advised her. He’d insisted that after her third month the sickness would stop, but it hadn’t.
She was four months pregnant. It had been a shock when she found out. She’d cried for days, not knowing what to do. Then she’d prayed, begging God for forgiveness and an answer. She didn’t get an answer to her prayers, but she knew she would receive one soon.
She hadn’t had the courage to tell her family as yet; she hated to think what her parents would say. They were staunch Christians who would not understand.
Foolishly, she’d called Craig, and he’d told her to terminate the pregnancy, that the only part he would play in this child’s future was to pay for the abortion. Any feelings she’d felt for him died in that moment. She immediately disconnected the call. She didn’t even say goodbye.
So she would do this on her own. She had God. He would help her.
She pushed aside her plate. “I’m going to head back to my room. I want to take a shower and change.”
He looked disappointed. “You haven’t finished your meal.”
“I’ve lost my appetite.” She was thankful she wasn’t showing as yet. Nathaniel wouldn’t understand either. He lived by a strong ethical code, and felt babies should happen once you were married. She felt the same way, but hadn’t expected to find herself pregnant outside of wedlock. It had never been her plan. Still, he didn’t need to know yet; it was too embarrassing, and she didn’t want to lose his respect for her. They had a week together, so why rock the boat? She needed this week to have fun and relax, and not think about her problems. She rose then, reaching for her plate.
“I’ll take these,” he said, clearing their table. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”
They walked in silence for a moment, dodging the multitude of hungry families rushing to fill their plates. He touched her back protectively, guiding her through the crowds. It felt warm and comforting, and at the same time a shiver went down her spine.
A man, not looking where he was going, headed right for her. Nathaniel blocked his path, diverting him from colliding with her. Nathaniel caught her forearms to steady her, his hands lingering there for a little longer than was necessary. His touch did things to her insides, making her lose all sense. He leaned in close, crowding her. “Are you okay?” he said softly.
“Yes,” she replied, her voice barely audible.
His gaze swept her face and lingered on her lips. When his gaze returned to hers, his eyes had darkened, sending her a message that could not be denied. He wanted to kiss her; she could feel the tension between them. She wondered if the longing she felt for him was betrayed in her eyes.
He took her hand after that and led her the rest of the way, keeping her close. Her hand felt small within his—it was warm and somehow felt intimate. He’d never held her hand before. They’d hugged, many times, but he had never held her hand.
They chatted easily all the way back to her room, and he did not release her hand until they arrived at her stateroom. She rummaged in her handbag, retrieving her sea pass, and opened the door.
He edged closer to her. Surprised, she looked up at him and recognised the look in his eyes. One she’d seen before, but they’d never been in a position to ever act upon it. And when his mouth found hers, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to become lost in the overwhelming surge of emotions that overtook her. Instinctively, her arms found themselves around his neck as his curled around her waist. Common sense told her to pull away, but right then, in that moment, she didn’t care—she wanted him, wanted to feel his strong, lean body against hers.
He groaned, drawing her closer, deepening the kiss. He was thorough and demanding, making her weak.
He pulled away after a long moment, cupping her face. “I’ve been wanting to do that for years. It’s been like torture not being able to tell you how I feel, show you how I feel…”
She stared back at him, relieved, as happiness rushed through her at his words. Tears sprang to her eyes. “I…I didn’t know… I thought…”
“It’s always been you, Carly. The reason all my relationships failed was because I’m love with you.”
There was uncertainty in his eyes for moment, and then she expressed what she had always known too: “I love you too, Nathaniel. I didn’t think I was good enough for you.”
He gave her a bewildered look. “Why would you think that?”
He didn’t wait for an answer, and kissed her again.
Oh my…he’s so intoxicating…
He drew away, brushing his cheek against hers. “I knew it would be this way with you,” he whispered on a moan. “There have been moments, you’ve felt it too.”
She had, but she’d always been with someone and it wouldn’t have been appropriate. But he was her best friend, so she never thought he would possibly feel the same way she felt about him.
“I tried to tell you so many times over the years, but for whatever reason, the time was never right.”
She smiled, exuberant, touching his face. “Do you think it could work between us?”
“You’re my best friend, Carly. You know me, you understand me. You’re everything to me.”
“Oh, Nathaniel.” She hugged him, tears tumbling down her cheeks. She never thought it could ever be possible. To have his love, after secretly wanting it—needing it. This was a gift she would hold on to and protect with all her heart.
Then it hit her—she remembered, and her heart pounded hard in her chest. She was pregnant by another man…
Her heart constricted with pain.
* * *
They were inseparable the whole week, going on excursions together, visiting Jamaica and Grand Cayman. It had been glorious: horseback riding on the beach, a precarious climb up Dunn’s River Falls, where they’d laughed and got completely soaked. They took a tour around both islands, never leaving each other’s side. Kissing, hugging, touching each other often, and sharing looks of longing that neither needed to hide anymore.
Nathaniel was happy, and she didn’t have the heart to crush him. She couldn’t tell him. She didn’t want to hurt him; she wanted to have one week with him. One glorious week to treasure forever. And when she returned, she would face the reality of the situation. Or so she’d hoped. Unfortunately, reality came crashing down on their last night together.
They had dressed up for evening dinner; she was wearing a long, off-the-shoulder dress. It was daring, in red, which accentuated her curves. Nathaniel couldn’t stop looking at her, his desire for her very much evident in his eyes, and he told her repeatedly how beautiful she was.
He was dressed in black suit, white shirt, no tie, looking heart-stoppingly handsome. Photographs were taken. Nathaniel pulled her close. They looked and felt like superstars.
They were seated at a table for two. Carly was grateful to finally be sitting down; she was not having a good day today. Her morning sickness had not let up; she hadn’t been able to keep anything down. She was feeling nauseated and dizzy. She was thankful they were in separate staterooms, as she wouldn’t have been able to hide it otherwise.
“I want us to get married, Carly.”
“Sorry?” she responded, nearly choking on her juice. Surely she can’t have heard him correctly.
“I want you to be my wife. I don’t want to be apart from you any longer.”
Still shocked, she didn’t know what to say. “Nathaniel, I think you’re moving a little too fast.”
“We’ve known each other most of our lives. There is no one closer to me than you. I don’t want to run the risk of another man taking you from me. I’ve waited patiently for years. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Nathaniel…” She trailed off, lost for words. She searched his features to see if he was really serious about this.
He took her hand in his. “Please say yes. I want you to be my wife. I think I’ve always wanted you to be. I want you to have my babies.”
She swallowed, her throat suddenly becoming dry. The thing was, she wanted to be his wife, more than anything. She felt tears sting her eyes. Why was life so unfair? Why had she made the mistake of sleeping with Craig? Why didn’t she wait? Her mother had brought her up to respect her body and give honour to God by not having sex outside of marriage and waiting for the man she loved—her husband. God had a plan for her life, and now she’d ruined it, as Nathaniel would not accept another man’s child. She wanted to cry…
She said nothing for a moment, not knowing what to say.
“Carly, you’re not saying anything.”
“Can I think about it? I just never thought about marriage. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that you love me.” She squeezed his hand. “Just give me a little time.”
He looked disappointed.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
“Don’t be. I guess I’m getting ahead of myself. Think about it, okay?” He caressed her cheek, leaned forward, and kissed her. His kisses were wonderful. He demanded from her, and she gave willingly, delighting in his warm embrace, neither concerned by the stares they received from guests at the other tables.
After their meal, Nathaniel wanted to visit the gallery; he took her hand, leading the way. She regretted having dinner, as she felt so ill, and rushed to the loos nearby. Nathaniel was waiting for her when she returned with a concerned look on his face.
“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling her into his arms.
She held on, feeling faint. “I think I might go and lie down.” She pulled away and took a step in the direction of the lifts, and that was the last she remembered until she awoke sometime later, in a room with the ship’s doctor. Nathaniel was beside her seated in a chair, holding her hand. The doctor offered her medication, which she refused to take; concerned it might affect the baby. She didn’t reveal that information, and he diagnosed her with dehydration.
Later, when Nathaniel helped her to her room, he insisted she lie down for a while. He sat beside her on the bed, watching her. “There’s something wrong, isn’t there? You never get sick like this, and I’ve noticed you’ve had a few bouts of sickness throughout the week, and you’ve hardly eaten.”
“I’m okay, really.” She gave a weak smile.
“No, you’re not. I know you, Carly. What is it?”
She sighed. She couldn’t lie to him any longer.
That was last night, and his reaction hadn’t been good. She’d hurt him, the look in his eyes devastating. He recovered quickly, a mask of control crossing his features. “I’ll meet you for breakfast in the morning,” was all he said before he left her room, closing the door quietly behind him. Her heart constricted with pain, and she couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down her face.
Her eyes were puffy from a tearful, sleepless night. She removed her sunglasses, searching for him, hoping and praying that he hadn’t changed his mind.
Earlier, when she’d checked his room, he wasn’t there. He wasn’t at the restaurant either, so she packed the last of her things and made her way to the lower deck to depart, her heart filled with dread, all the while searching for his face amongst the crowd.
Tears stung her eyes as she finally stepped off the ship and headed down the walkway. Then she didn’t know what it was, something made her turn, and there he was! She stopped, stepping aside to allow the crowds to pass as her heart pounded in her chest, searching for some sign on his face that he still wanted to be with her.
When he came and stood before her, he touched her face. She looked deep into his eyes. She saw love, uncertainty, and something else; she wasn’t quite sure what it was.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish it was yours.”
He held her gaze for a long moment, then said, “I love you, Carly. I deliberated over this all night and I…” He looked away for a moment.
It was over. He couldn’t do it. Her heart hit the floor, and she took in a breath to try and ward off the pain. It was unfair of her to want more from him. She somehow found her voice. “I understand, Nathaniel. It was too much to expect.” She blinked back her tears. “I hope we can still be friends. I don’t think I could cope if I lost your friendship.”
“Carly, I don’t want you to be my friend. I want you to be my wife. Marry me?”
Tears blurred her vision, and she flung her arms around his neck. “Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you. I love you, Nathaniel.”
He still loved her and wanted to marry her. She couldn’t hope for anything more.
She said a silent prayer of thanks for the gift of life she carried within her, and Nathaniel, gifted to her with love.
The End
What happens next? Will it be happily ever after?
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